


Undeniable (Feitan x Reader)

by Lemonyolive



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: F/M, Feitan x Reader - Freeform, Hisoka (Hunter x hunter) - Freeform, Top Feitan (Hunter X Hunter)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:47:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 33
Words: 68,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26726929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lemonyolive/pseuds/Lemonyolive
Summary: Living as a straight-laced Hunter, you had a normal and for the most part uneventful life. That is until you run into Feitan, a member of the notorious Phantom Troupe and he turns your whole world upside down. Not everything is as it seems in this story of love, betrayal, and acceptance.*Feitan x Reader**Mature and Explicit content**I do not own any fanart*Ongoing and updated regularly*
Relationships: Feitan (Hunter X Hunter)/Reader, Feitan (Hunter X Hunter)/You, Feitan (Hunter x Hunter)/Original Character(s), Nen (hunter x hunter) - Relationship
Comments: 163
Kudos: 466
Collections: Hunter x Hunter





	1. A Fateful Encounter

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I wanted to give you, the reader (and main character) the rundown on the story and what some acronyms mean.
> 
> Y/N = Your name
> 
> L/N = Your last name
> 
> H/C= your hair color
> 
> E/C= your eye color
> 
> Now for some backstory:
> 
> I know that Feitan speaks in broken sentences and sometimes uses bad grammar and I will keep that style of speech but in order to understand him deeper I will use correct grammar and full speech when conveying his thoughts, since I'm sure he does not think in that manner.
> 
> There is a lot that we do not know about Feitan. I will leave a lot up to your imagination, but whenever it is necessary I will fill in the blanks with my own ideas.
> 
> There will be adult (18+) content.
> 
> I do not own any characters in this story. They belong to the mangaka of Hunter x Hunter
> 
> Enjoy,
> 
> Olive

It had been an unusually long summer this year, so when the first cold front hit, you didn't hesitate to run to the coffee shop a few blocks away from your place. You had embarrassingly slept through the alarm so you made the decision to take the alley next to the coffee shop as a shortcut on the way to work.

The atmosphere was slightly clouded, a light fog had enveloped Yorknew City. Your right hand gripped the styrofoam cup filled with the hot liquid. On your left shoulder, you carried a tote filled to the brim with books, a mixture of a personal collection of classic fiction and academic research books (all with initials and work address neatly written on the inside of the cover)

You shivered as you took a few steps forward as a chilly breeze had crept behind. _"If I walk a bit faster, I might not be late to work. I should probably finish this drink before I get there"_ You thought to yourself while looking down at the ground and you watched as your feet picked up the pace. _"Just two more blocks, almost th-"_

You felt the left side of your body crash into a dark figure. The sound of the tote slipping off your shoulder and releasing your many books onto the dirty floor echoed through the alleyway.

"Tch! Watch where you go!" The dark figure grunted. The voice was not too deep but definitely one of a young man.

You had been staring at my books scattered on the ground, some dipped in the cold puddles. You raised your eyes to meet his gaze. He had cold grey eyes with a stern look. You couldn't help but smile apologetically, even though it had been him who bumped into you "I'm so sorry! I'm such a klutz I never look where I'm going. I dropped all my books on the ground, and I've probably ruined some of them." You chuckled lightly.

He just stared back and crouched down to help collect some of the fallen possessions. As you glanced at your watch you suddenly realized it was 8:03 am, and you were already late to work.

"Thank you for helping me but I have to run I'm so late, I don't want to be written up for tardiness!" and with that, you scooped up the books and ran down the backstreet "Sorry again!" you shouted back at the hooded man, glancing one last look at him before you turned the corner and onto a busy street.

The man glared as you left _"clumsy stupid girl"_ he scoffed when he suddenly stepped on something. He looked down and saw a singular book left behind on the floor. He leaned over to pick it up, and when he opened the front cover he saw neat handwriting placed on the blank page

**Y/N L/N**

**1532 4th St, Yorknew City**

The book slammed shut as the man made his way down the alley and away from where he had encountered you just a few minutes before.

* * *

Letting the door close itself, you trotted into your living room and threw yourself on the couch. "Long day but at least I didn't get in trouble for being late" you began to rummage through your bag and placed all the books that had previously fallen in the alley on the low table in front of you.

As you scanned through the selection, you realized that a familiar cover was missing. "Where...?" you took one last look through the bag and when the search came up empty, you realized you probably left it at work.

You began to worry a bit. The one book that had gone missing was particularly special. It had belonged to your mother, and it had great emotional value.

"I'll just get it tomorrow" you sighed and you took your jacket off and closed your eyes. You were exhausted, and another long day awaited you tomorrow.

* * *

A couple of days had passed. The man from your encounter sat on a park bench as he turned the final page of a particular novel that you had been searching for. He promptly closed the book and sat up, walking away from the bench.

* * *

You sat over your desk, filing the huge stack of paperwork in front of you. Heavy footsteps appeared and you turned your head to see George, the security guard.

"Hey Y/N, someone's here to see you"

"What? George are you sure it's not for Hina?" you glanced over at your lively coworker, who was undoubtedly more popular than you.

"Uh no the guy definitely asked for you by your first and last name" He gestured over to the entrance of the building.

"Okay thanks, I'll be there in a second" You placed the document you were working on in a folder and quickly made your way

 _"I wonder who it could be? "_ you asked yourself. You rarely got visitors at work, and they were almost never men.

Pushing the door that led to the entry of the building, you saw a man of short stature with black hair donning all-black attire facing away from you.

"Alright, here she is" the security guard walked away leaving the two of you alone in the entryway. He turned around to face you and the pair of grey piercing eyes met your E/C ones.

"Oh! I remember you from a few days ago, I bumped into you in that alley right?" He stayed silent for a few seconds and then reached for an object in his pocket. He handed a familiar object to you and as you took it from him you smiled "This...I've been looking for this!"

"Good book. I like it." He shifted his eyes as if to avoid your gaze.

"You read it?" you were surprised that he had the time to do so, it was a length novel that would take you at least 4 days to read.

"Yes. Why I gave book now not that day"

"That was quick, you read fast. I'm impressed" you chuckled. Your reaction surprised him. He was expecting you to be angry at him for delaying your reunion with your lost article, not to compliment him for reading your book so rapidly.

"You, not mad?" His eyes met yours, his expression was that of genuine curiosity.

"No, why would I be? You seemed to enjoy my book and even though it took you a few days to return it, you were using it and I don't mind"

"I was going to steal"

"Why didn't you?" He stared at you and had no idea how to reply. Who would even ask why he didn't steal your book? _"She's weird. Too nice she could be up to something. Nobody is ever this nice without having some ulterior motive"_

"Well anyway, I really appreciate you bringing it back and I'm glad you liked it. Thank you uh...what did you say your name was?"

"I did not say." He sharply replied. You waited for a reply and he eventually gave in.

"Feitan...is my name."

"Thank you Feitan."

He looked up at you one final time inspecting your expression. You finally got a chance to get a good look at his face. That day you first met him his head was covered, and you could only see his eyes clearly. He had sharp, slanted eyes and small grey pupils. He had straight black hair that was about the length of his ears. He was good-looking but he furrowed his eyebrows in a way that would make him unapproachable.

He turned around and walked out the door not once looking back to say goodbye.

"Bye" you said softly and made your way back to your desk.


	2. An Unexpected Visit

In the days that followed, Feitan could not stop thinking about that book or more specifically the girl who it belonged to. The image of your smile, which he deemed to be annoying, was burned into his mind.

 _"Tch ridiculous. The only reason why I am thinking about her is because she was suspicious and obviously up to something"_ Being satisfied with this explanation Feitan relaxed and glanced over at the clock.

"Tomorrow." Was all he said.

* * *

"Dammit, I can't believe I overslept again" you grumbled to yourself as you adjusted the buttons on your coat. Realizing that you would probably not make it on time if you didn't take the alley again you turned the corner just before the familiar coffee shop.

You were still fixing yourself up since you did not have time to smooth out any imperfections in your attire due to hastily putting yourself together and running out the door of your apartment as soon as you woke up.

"You. You have more books?" A direct but strangely familiar voice called out to you from the side of the alley.

You looked up from your coat to see him standing there, leaned over the wall his eyes fixed on his fiddling fingers.

"I um- I do." You quickly replied. Strange seeing him here again. He hadn't even said goodbye the last time you saw him and you did not think you would see him again.

"Where?" He asked as he raised his gaze and finally met yours and then down at your sides, clearly looking for your bag that had housed your novels previously.

"I don't have any on me at the moment. I was in a hurry and didn't have ti-"

"Where?"

"My-my books? Back at my place"

"Let's go then"

"What? Where?"

"Your place" He firmly and pointed to the direction you came from.

"I have to go to work. I can probably get my books when I get off later but I'm already late and I-"

"You always late. Take me now."

You were taken aback at his subtle rudeness and how direct he spoke to you. You were used to people giving you orders occasionally but never by a strange short man you had only met a couple of times.

"I'll meet you here at 6:15 pm." You glanced at him and quickly continued on your way to work.

You could feel his stare drilling into your back but you were fast and made your way out of his line of sight. "Why is he so intimidating?"

* * *

_"It's 6:13 she should be here. How long does it take to get here from her work?! She's so slow"_

You turned the corner and made your way into the alley where you had promised to meet the short black-haired man. You could see a shadowy figure turn to face you.

"Okay well let's go." You didn't take the time to look if he was following but you could feel his presence behind you, even though his footsteps were extremely quiet.

Making your way to the entrance of your apartment building you unlocked the main door and gestured at the chairs that were placed in the entryway of the complex. "You can wait here, I will be down shortly with something I think you might like"

"No."

"What?"

"No I go up with you. Chairs are dirty"

How stubborn can this man be? Without saying another word, you began to climb the stairs until you reached your floor and opened your door. He just stared at you, waiting for you to walk into your apartment first.

 _"Never turn your back on strangers"_ he thought, although he knew she looked completely harmless there was something about her that was off.

You walked into the front door and watched as he slowly and cautiously walked in after you. After closing your door, he stood awkwardly in front of it. An awkward silence filled the air. Never one to enjoy these moments you decided to break it. "You can sit down" you signaled at the couch "what do you normally like to read?" you asked as you placed your hand on the large bookcase filled with a variety of novels, books, and journals.

He took a minute to look at his surroundings. This place was clean, almost as if you didn't spend much time here.

To be honest, you were very nervous. You had never had a man at your place alone. You had barely met him a week or so ago and he was sitting on your couch, inspecting your apartment as if he were a nosey aunt.

"Who are you?" He muttered, giving you a deep stare.

"You obviously know my name is Y/N."

"No, I mean who are you?"

"You want my life story?"

"No but you talk too much anyway so just tell me"

Why did he care? Why was this man who you had ran into not too long ago now sitting on your couch asking you who you were?

"Oh, are you a policeman undercover or something?" you giggled realizing that he probably didn't understand that you were joking.

"Hell no. I do not like police"

"Why?"

"I ask you questions. You don't ask" Feitan suddenly realized that in the five minutes he had been here with her, he had spoken more words than he had in the last few weeks.

"Okay well if you insist. I am Y/N as you already know. I am a Disease Hunter, I have been working on a particular experiment for the last 2 or so years. We haven't had any breakthroughs in awhile so my life is pretty boring for the most part."

"I do not care about disease. Why are you here?"

"I live here" you smiled almost letting out a chuckle

"No why are you in Yorknew" He said raising his voice slightly and you could tell he was getting annoyed.

You gave out a long sigh "The best university program for what I wanted to study is in this city. After getting my Hunter's license and finishing my degree I wanted to work under the famous Cheadle Yorkshire."

"How old you are?" He asked puzzled "You look 16"

"Oh no, I just turned 24 a few months ago, nice to know I still look young haha! How old are you, if you don't mind me asking"

"60. Do not ask"

You let out a loud laugh "60?! I know you're trying really hard to sell this whole mysterious guy act but at least give me a fake age that is actually believable, YOU look 16"

He was getting a bit angry at your remark but your laughter warmed him inside ever so lightly. He hadn't felt this way in a long time, and it was always with people that he had known for a long time and was comfortable around.

The sun was beginning to set at this hour, and the golden streaks of light were filling the room, hitting your H/C hair highlighting it, along with your eyes. You looked bright and paired with the smile from laughing at him, you looked incredible. Feitan couldn't help but notice this and his eyes were fixed on you.

When he realized that he had been staring at you for too long and you were beginning to notice, a warm blush painted his cheeks "Fuck. I need to leave. I came looking for a book and now she will get suspicious of me"

He got up abruptly and after scanning the books on your shelf, he plucked one gave you a quick look and began to exit the apartment.

"Wait! How will I get it back?"

"I know where you live."

And with that, just as soon as he had essentially invaded her place he was gone in an instant. You caught yourself smiling as you thought about seeing him again, even if it was just to return something he had borrowed.


	3. A Young Girl's Appreciation

The week came and went quickly, and while you kept yourself busy with the never-ending piles of paperwork and research assignments whenever you had a moment to yourself you couldn't help but wonder when your mysterious acquittance would come around again.

The pitter-patter of the rain gave a soothing background noise as you continued to fumble through documents and articles you had taken home from work.

While you always longed to live your life freely and not tied down by the boring and gloomy details of bureaucracy, you had only ever known to live it by the ideals and dreams your mother had kindly but frequently drilled in your mind. In fact, the only "wild" thing that you did (and of your own accord) was deciding to take the Hunter exam.

You were deep in thought when you suddenly heard a banging on the door.

"Hold up! I'll be right there!" you were buried (quite literally) in paperwork, files, a laptop, and notes. As you set yourself free you heard a loud knock again.

" _Why the impatience?"_ you wondered.

You didn't even bother to look through the peephole of your door, you just worked on hastily unlocking the door. This revealed a certain black-haired man, wearing a black cloak and furrowed brows as always.

"Why take so long!" he snapped, burrowing his way through the slightly opened door and into the apartment.

You could only bring yourself to laugh. One of the two embarrassing habits you had was a nervous laughter and you found yourself doing this around this man often since he made you so nervous.

He walked up to the book shelf and placed the novel he had swiped last week back into place. As he raised his line of sight to a higher shelf his eyes settled on a picture frame with a woman and a much younger you.

"Who is this?" He pointed at the woman next to you in the picture.

"My mother." His eyes widened slightly, and he looked around the living room as if looking for her.

"You're not going to find her here silly" you giggled.

"I am not silly, you silly" he blurted out.

He sat down on your couch as you glanced at the picture he had looked at. It felt odd to you, almost as if he was invading your privacy, but you did not mind.

"She died four years ago in an accident." You knew he was probably wondering why she was not around, but he could not bring himself to ask.

Feitan was not one to usually feel sympathy but sitting on the couch of a woman who had so willingly welcomed his intrusion, he felt a tug at his heart. His eyes lowered and he frowned. While he could not say it, he felt sorrow for you. The few times he had encountered you, you were always smiling, but this was the first time he had seen you silent and a smile nowhere to be seen. " _Why do you care? She's just some stupid girl you had the misfortune of running into. Why do you care if she is sad?"_ He couldn't help but wonder.

"She was lucky. To have you" He found himself blurting out, this was a thought that had formulated in his head but he had no intention of saying it out loud.

You looked up at him and your familiar smile suddenly reappeared.

He glanced at you and met your gaze as you walked over and sat next to him, only three inches separating you and him. He wondered why you would want to be so close to him. For the majority of his life, he was the type of person people usually avoided and yet here you were, inches away from him.

He hated to admit it but being so close to you made him nervous too, and as much as he tried to fight it, his pale face was suddenly flushed. He got up quickly like he did before and made his way to the exit.

"Wait" you said. You hadn't stopped him from leaving so suddenly last time but something inside you wanted to ask him to stay just a little longer. "do you have to go?"

"You want me to stay?" He asked, his eyes widened a little.

"Um...yes I wouldn't mind if you stayed a little longer." Your answer shocked him. Why would a woman like you want someone like him to stay?

He walked back to you, stepping eerily close to you. He placed his hand out to you, waiting for you to grab it. You did and he pulled you up off the couch. He was surprisingly strong for a small man and he seemed to use too much force to pull you up and you crashed into him. He grabbed your other arm to stop you from throwing him over and you were now in his embrace.

He could see the small details of your face, down to the curl of your eyelashes. You smelled like honey and vanilla, a warm scent he was not accustomed to. His heart began to beat faster as he thought that he had never held a woman in this way. He took a step backward but kept his hand on your wrist and pulled you out of your place.

He trotted through a somewhat busy street lined up with bakeries, restaurants, food stands, and other stores. It was already dark out, but the night crowd was just beginning to fill the place with noises and footsteps. He made his way through the shops and continued for five minutes until you two reached a more secluded area in a park. He sat you down on the bench and shoved a pastry in your face, very similar to the kind he had seen you eating on your way to work the first day you ran into each other.

"When did you get the chance to buy this?"

"I did not buy. I steal"

You thought maybe he was joking but his deathly serious glare indicated that he was definitely not kidding.

"Well thank you but you shouldn't have to steal for my sake" you smiled at him, for a second he thought that you would scold him but instead you split the pastry in half and handed a piece to him.

"Why you share with me"

"Because it's only fair! You stole this for me and it's only right I give you some"

You went on to take a few bites out of the stolen delicacy, expecting a familiar silence that usually accompanied you two but instead-

"I never met someone who shares and does not judge me"

You looked up at him, crumbs decorating your mouth, and smiled gently.

"You are very strange. I do not know if I like. You could be a killer." He said.

"What?! Me! A killer??? I am far from a killer! In fact, I have never even gotten a parking ticket in my life!"

"Because you do not have car. No car no ticket."

You could see the corners of his mouth turn up, almost making a smile. Was he making a joke? You smiled back at him "I had no idea you were capable of having any sense of humor, but I see that I was wrong!"

"Wait why would you assume I don't have a car?"

"If you had car you would not run to work"

You giggled nearly instantly realizing that he was very perceptive. What else could he deduce just by examining the small details of your life that he had come across? You looked up at the night sky and noticed that it was clear and very small light stars could be seen in the distance.

"How old are you _really_ Feitan?"

Your question was followed by a few seconds of silence, but he replied

"28. Not a lie"

"Are you from Yorknew?"

"Why you ask" his eyes narrowed, and he leaned closer to you, inspecting your expression

"What you want to know about me?" " **Why?"** He was becoming more suspicious. The life he had led until now had taught him that anyone could be the enemy, and the enemy was very cunning. The woman sitting right next to him messily eating a stolen pastry could be a spy, or someone sent to find out information about him and more importantly, the _Troupe._

As his head filled with paranoia, you happily replied:

"I had also never met anyone like you before. Everyone I meet is only concerned about their life, their worries, their problems. I often find myself worried about everyone else, curious about their life, but no one has ever taken the time to ask about me, much less pay enough attention to what I like and steal it for me"

He was confused. Why would this woman be touched that he had asked her a few questions, only for the sake of protecting himself, and that he had committed petty theft? What had she gone through for something so small would make her happy?

"You are annoying" but he didn't mean that in a negative way, he was just embarrassed, and his face was once again red.

"Thank you Feitan" You reached into the coat you had hastily grabbed before he dragged you out of your apartment and began to rummage through the pocket. Pulling out a pen and crumpled notepad you wrote a few numbers down and handed the paper to him.

"This is my cell phone number. If you ever want something new to read or maybe feel like getting annoyed by someone you can call me"

He looked at the paper with similar handwriting as the one on the book you had originally lost and then folded it and placed it in his pocket.

"I'm afraid I have to get going now, I have to get up early tomorrow, but I hope I can see you soon." You bubbled at him.

"Tch" was all that came out of his mouth and he watched as you waved him goodbye and began to walk away.

It was darker out now, and he grew uncomfortable at the thought that you would be walking alone. " _I should follow her just to make sure nothing bad happens."_ He waited until you were almost out of his sight, but not completely.

He walked silently behind you, making sure you did not see him. He didn't want to creep you out by making you think he was stalking you. He thought of you as an innocent and naïve, and that kind of thing would probably make you scared of him.

He walked up until he could see you enter your building and shut the door behind you. He waited until the light on your floor lit up as you entered, and he sighed a breath of relief.

" _Idiot. Why would you care if something happened to her?"_

Back upstairs, you shut the door behind you and placed your coat on the rack. You knew he had followed you, even though he was concealing his presence you could still feel him behind you. You didn't mind, you had a feeling it was to make sure you would get home safely. It filled your heart with warmth to know that someone cared enough to do something like that. You had grown up without a father, and ever since your mother died you had fended for yourself.

"Thank you again Feitan." You whispered at the window.

"I hope I don't annoy you too much" 


	4. Caught Up

"You gave a BOY your number?!" Hina chirped loudly, a bit too loud for your liking.

"Yes, well not for the reason you're thinking Hina. It's just my number." You whispered back.

"That's more than I'd ever imagined you'd do, I'm so proud of you!" she continued "And just when I was about to set you up with a friend of my boyfriend's!"

"What?! No, no that's not necessary either way. I'm terrible at blind dates! The last guy you set me up w-"

"Oh nonsense Y/N, I think you would really like this guy I want to introduce you to. Even though I'm happy you gave this guy your number, it doesn't hurt to keep your options open"

"No thank you, Hina"

"I'll tell him you said yes" she winked at you and twirled around in her office desk, and with that ending the discussion between you.

You rolled your eyes and returned to your work, occasionally glancing at your phone to see if a message or call from an unknown number popped up. So far nothing, so you kept yourself busy to avoid thinking about the mysterious guy that was now a frequent visitor in your mind.

_"Am I really worried about a boy not texting me? What am I, 15?"_

* * *

Feitan sat next Phinks, his closest friend, fiddling with an unfolded piece of paper with your number on it.

"Fei what is that you keep playing with?" he said snatching it out of his hand.

Feitan quickly jumped and tried to reach for the note but Phinks raised his arm to where he couldn't get it back.

"These are numbers, what do they mean? Wait- is this someone's phone number?!" he teased smiling tauntingly at the short man.

"Give it back! NOW!"

"Hah! Fei that's so cute some guy gave you his number, you should call him!" Phinks snorted.

"It is not a guy's number. It's a girl's." you could hear his normally bored tone of voice growing slightly more annoyed.

"Why in the world would a girl give you her number" Phinks laughed at Feitan.

Phinks suddenly realized that he was going too far and looking down at the note with your number written on it, he passed it back to Feitan.

"What's she like?"

"Annoying. Talks too much. Goody two-shoes."

"Do you like her?" Phinks asked as he leaned closer to watch his friend's expression.

Silence. The taller man placed his hand on Feitan's shoulder and sighed, the shorter man pulling back from his touch.

"You should call her. If she was nice enough to give you her number maybe she likes you."

"If she finds out who I am?" Feitan looked up at his friend, his eyes widened a little.

"If she really likes you, she wouldn't care."

"Tch. Who knows" He said turning his head. His mind seemed to wander off in the distance.

* * *

After another dull and long day at work, you had decided to give yourself a relaxing bubble bath. Your feet ached from rushing to get to work on time again and you were just glad the day was nearly over.

You had left your phone on the bathroom counter, facing downwards. You were expecting a call from Hina, usually to talk about what shows were on at this time and whether or not she and her boyfriend had gotten into an argument.

Your head was leaning back against the cold tile when you heard the loud buzzing of your phone. You quickly shot up to grab it off the counter and without looking at the Caller ID, you answered.

"Hina! What dreadfully predictable show are you watching now?"

"Hina?" A familiar bored voice called out.

"Oh! Feitan?"

"Who else? Who's Hina?" he asked, his curiosity clearly getting the better of him.

"She's my friend. She usually calls around this time so that's why I thought you were her. How have you been? I was wondering when you would call!" you chirped.

"Who said I would call"

"I just figured you would" a giggle escaped your mouth as you let your left arm fall into the warm water, making a 'PLOP' sound.

"Where are you. Why is there water?" he inquired

"I'm home I'm just taking a bath"

The other end of the phone when silent. He hadn't hung up but Feitan's mind had wandered elsewhere. She was bathing. She wasn't wearing anything. She- _"Ugh why am I thinking this about her?"_ but at the end of the day, he was just a man.

"Hello?" You called out nervously, thinking he had hung up.

"You busy? Now?"

"Not really why?"

"I will be there soon." The other line dropped, and you dropped your phone panicking.

"Soon! I'm not even ready! He didn't even say HOW soon!" You rushed to dry yourself off and ran to your room, wrapping a towel around your damp body.

"What do I wear?" Luckily for you, whenever Feitan had turned up unexpectedly you always looked somewhat put together. This time, however, was different. You had very little time to get ready and you had to do laundry, so you didn't have any clean clothes to throw on.

"I'm just putting sweatpants and a sweater on, he's just a friend, no big deal"

You proceeded to put something together and you let your damp hair fall onto your shoulders.

Suddenly a loud banging startled you.

"I have a door-bell, he could just use the door-bell!"

Making your way to the door, your heart was racing, and you took a second to breathe deeply and then opened it up.

"Hi" you smiled sheepishly at him. He was standing right in front of you, wearing a black jacket and black pants. He said nothing and just went inside.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" you said lightly smiling at him as he looked at you.

"Cut the bullshit."

"What?"

"What do you want from me?"

You couldn't seem to understand why the man standing in front of you was so cold. He was confused and slightly hostile. You didn't know him, but you definitely had no ill intentions.

"Wha-what do you mean?"

"You know something about me? Want to get close for bad reason?"

"Feitan no. I don't know anything about you aside from what you've told me."

He knew that if he wanted to get the truth out of you, he could easily do so. He had the power to and the skill. But the thought of inflicting any pain or harm on you made him wince. He couldn't bring himself to do so. You seemed credible, and it could all just be in his head.

"Why you want to know me?"

"I think you're interesting. You seem to be a tough nut to crack but I like that."

"I don't scare you?" He said taking a step closer to you. You didn't take a step back, instead, you leaned in even closer to him.

"No. Not at all" His grey eyes widened looking at you in disbelief. You two were so different, you came from completely different worlds. Unbeknownst to you, he was a criminal, a thief and you were a clean-cut Hunter.

You reached your hand out to grab his cold one. He flinched momentarily, he was not used to anyone's physical touch, much less a woman's. You traced your fingers softly on the outlines of the scars on his pale hand.

"How did you get these?" you asked curiously.

" _Is she stupid or just naïve?"_ he thought to himself.

"Lots of fights. Bad times"

You weren't stupid or even naïve. You knew scars like these didn't happen normally. What kind of life had he lived? You figured it probably hadn't been a good one.

"I'm sorry." You held his hand in between both of yours and then proceeded to drop it.

Feitan's heart was beating out of his chest. _"She grabbed my hand. What does this mean?_ " when you gave him back his hand, warmer than it was before his body longed for more of your touch. His face was crimson red, and him being so pale it was very obvious.

He extended his hand out and pulled you into his chest, catching you off guard. He smelled like rain, but it was pleasant. You looked at him, your E/C eyes meeting his grey ones. You too were blushing excessively, and he noticed it also. He brought himself even closer to you, and you could feel his breathing on your skin.

In a second he released you from his embrace and panicked. He proceeded to turn around, and you already knew he about to leave, just like a scared cat would run. _"Fucking coward,"_ he thought, embarrassed that of all the experience he had, being with a woman was not one.

"Wait! Don't go!" you cried out, right when his hand grasped the knob of the door.

"Why? Embarrassing. Got carried away"

"Is that a bad thing? I didn't mind...I actually liked that." He couldn't bring himself to look at you directly, so his eyes were fixed on your H/C hair instead.

"Why are you not scared?" he asked.

"You haven't given me a reason to be."

His whole life, Feitan had been used to people judging him just by how he looked. Angry, dressed in all black, unsociable. " _He's probably a thief" "He's a murderer"_ people would gossip without knowing a thing about him. He grew tired of the talking, the whispering. He decided that he might as well become who people had already condemned him to be.

But the woman standing in front of him hadn't winced at the thought of him holding her. She didn't seem to care. How could someone be so accepting of a person like him?

" _If only she knew who I really was."_


	5. The Worst Wingman

You both sat together on the couch, facing each other. An awkward silence surrounded you.

"Where are you from?" you asked the black-haired man.

"Where is rest of your family?" Feitan replied.

"Hey, not fair! I asked you a question first!" you giggled

_"She is always laughing. Do I make her laugh? I'm not even that funny."_

"I'll tell you what, for every question you ask, I will answer one also." You continued.

"I answer none you answer all my questions."

"No, one for one!"

"I answer one you answer two." He replied.

"Fine! Answer my first question"

"Meteor City"

The room was once again silent. You knew exactly what 'being from Meteor City' meant. Hard childhood, hard adulthood, hard life in general. Pieces in the puzzles began to fit slowly, his origin explaining why he was the way he was.

"Do you miss it sometimes?"

Once again, you had caught him by surprise. He had never told anyone outside of his inner circle where he was from, but he knew from experience how most people reacted to being told that someone was from Meteor City. Many would say 'at least you're out of that dump' or 'they should burn that place down' or they would even proceed to distance themselves just to avoid being associated with someone from a place like that. But to be asked if he missed his hometown as if it were a normal place? _"what is she on?"_ he asked himself.

"You answer two now."

"Ok well, my family...I'm originally from a city a few hours east of here. My mother raised me, my father was never really around to raise me he worked somewhere in Kakin but we reconnected a few years back and we keep in touch. I had a good childhood, my mom tried her hardest to give me everything and she loved me very much."

The drastic differences between the two of you were becoming more and more apparent. He had come from unimaginable circumstances, full of obvious tragedy and who knows what else. The only devastating event in your life was the death of your mother, and not even the way it happened was out of the ordinary, just a regular car accident that could happen to anyone.

"What is it like having mother?"

This question hit you like a train going a thousand miles an hour. Your heart was suddenly beating faster, and you were staring at the man in front of you with your eyes wide open.

"Don't answer, forget it Y/N"

"No, no I can answer. I guess everyone's experience is different Feitan. But having my mother by my side was like having a best friend and a guardian all in one. She loved me unconditionally, and always believed I could be the greatest at anything. She believed in me even when I didn't"

He turned his head towards the window, watching it as drops of rain began to hit it.

He had never, in his 28 years of being living, spoken so openly with anyone about something so deep. How could he when all he had dedicated himself to was stealing to survive and killing whenever necessary? No, he had actually grown to enjoy inflicted pain to certain victims when they most certainly deserved it. He never hid who he was, and while his victims never really survived, he was sure if they did, they would consider him a devil.

"I miss it sometimes. Meteor City. Horrible place but...it was all I knew for long time."

"That's understandable. No matter where you go, it'll always be where you're from."

Why were you being so accepting and understanding? Maybe if you knew who he _really_ was you would learn to hate and despise him, as so many did.

"I am not who you think I am. I kill. I steal. I am not good man."

While he tried his hardest to look away, he needed to see the expression on your sweet face.

The slight smile on your face didn't shift. You didn't even blink.

"I know, I don't care."

The feelings that flooded Feitan at that moment were completely foreign to him. He was almost certain that you were absolutely insane. A woman like you, who probably never stolen gum from the convenience store, accepting a man like himself.

You scooted closer to him and placed your hand on his cheek. His face was already flushed, but now he was redder than a tomato. You suddenly pulled your hand back and reached for the remote on the table. Turning on the television, you both shifted your attention to the screen while you let your head fall on his shoulder and folded your knees so that they would be barely touching his legs.

It was late-night TV, but one of Hina's favorite shows was on. The ebony-haired man asked a few questions about the character or why they were doing what they were doing, and you gladly replied, knowing almost everything about this show considering Hina had forced you to watch it with her at least 50 times. Slowly you felt your eyes get heavy and you found yourself fighting to stay awake. The world went quiet and dark, you had peacefully fallen asleep with your head still on Feitan's shoulder.

A quiet vibration went off in his pocket. He worked carefully to reach his phone without waking you. He unlocked the screen and stared at the message glaring back at him

**Phinks**

**Boss says we gotta meet tomorrow at 7 am. We might be gone for a bit. See ya there.**

He let out a quiet sigh and then turned over to look at you asleep. The blue light from the TV was reflected ever so slightly off your face and he realized that you looked beautiful. He felt so at ease with you there.

The morning rays hit your eyes and you lazily began to open them. You were laying on the couch alone, with a blanket over you. Your visitor from the night before was nowhere to be seen.

Sitting up, you began to search the folds of the couch for your phone. It had sneaked into the side and once you had secured it you prayed it was not dead.

By some miracle, the battery had held overnight. There was a single text message on the screen.

**Feitan :)**

**Will be gone for two days or so. Will call when back.**

"How romantic." You giggled to yourself. The phone suddenly began to vibrate and you quickly picked it up.

"Hey!" It was Hina. You were a bit disappointed it wasn't somebody else.

"What's up!" you said to your friend on the other end.

"Ok so I talked to the guy I promised I'd set you up with and he's DYING to meet you. Are you free the night after tomorrow?"

"No! Oh god, Hina no! I don't want to meet this guy he could be another creep!!!"

"Y/N you're so dramatic. How was I supposed to know that he an idiot? Anyway, you owe me big time for covering for you every time you're late. Do me this one favor and see him the night after tomorrow and we'll call it even!"

"Fine. But it's not a date."

"Whatever! It gives us an excuse to go find you something new to wear!"

You just grunted. You liked shopping but all you wanted was to sleep in.

"I'll stop by in a bit, ooo I can't wait!"

You hung up the phone and threw yourself back on the couch.

Suddenly remembering that Feitan had texted you, you quickly unlocked your phone again to reply back.

**Be safe! Where are you going? Also, what time did you go? I didn't even hear you leave.**

With that, you decided that you would have to start getting ready, or else Hurricane Hina would drag you to the mall wearing whatever mess you had on at the moment.

* * *

"Fei! Hey Fei!" Franklin snapped at the short man.

"Where has your mind been lately Feitan are you okay?" Shizuku asked, slightly concerned.

"He has a girlfriend and she's all he can think about lately" Phinks teased, sticking his tongue out at Feitan.

"Not girlfriend. Just stupid girl. Won't leave me alone" He instantly regretting calling you 'stupid' even though you weren't there to hear him insult you.

The Phantom Troupe had met up early that morning to go over the plan for a heist. Feitan was the type to immerse himself completely in their crimes but everyone noticed when his demeanor was out of place this time.

The vibration from his phone echoed loudly in the abandoned building they were at. Phinks jumped to snoop at what was on his screen.

"What time did you go? I didn't hear you leave. He was with her last night, how adorable!" He could feel Feitan's rage building, so he decided to quit teasing him

"I'm glad you called her buddy. Let's get this out of the way so you can go back"

"Don't care. She doesn't matter. All I care about is successfully finishing plan" He knew he was lying but he was desperately trying to cover his embarrassment.

The attention of the group shifted back over to Chrollo and they continued orchestrating their heist.

* * *

"Oh this one is so cute it would look so good on you!" Hina held up a tight red strapless dress.

"No, I don't think red is my color. Plus, I'd feel more comfortable wearing something else. This dress just screams 'I'm on a date' "

"You're such a killjoy Y/N. It is a date!!! At least that's what I told him."

"Did you at least make sure he's not an ax murderer or something" Oof that was a bit hypocritical coming from you.

"You want me to run a full background check on a man you're going out to dinner with but have no qualms about inviting a stranger over to your place last night?!" Hina tried very hard to stare you down, but you broke the tension by giggling.

"He's not a bad guy Hina, I'm sure you would like him if you ever met him. He's just a friend anyway. You're my friend and I always have you over."

"I'm not a guy who has the hots for you!"

"He does not-" You paused for a second to think. We were just friends, maybe even just acquaintances. He hadn't directly indicated that he was interested in you. Yet the thought of him potentially having some feelings for you made your face light up and fill your cheeks with a soft blush.

You continued to think in silence, making Hina think that she had won and was right like always. Feeling defeated you grabbed the red dress and brought it to the counter. _"It doesn't hurt to look nice I guess"_ placing your hand under your chin, you looked up at the lights in the store while you waited for the cashier to run your credit card.

* * *

Having victoriously completed the heist, the Phantom Troupe reveled in their spoils.

It had been over a day and a half since he had last seen you, and despite having a weird feeling in his heart-did he miss you?- he had refused to reply to your message. He didn't want anyone to think that he was going soft.

He felt uneasy, wondering what you could be up to. _"I should probably start heading out now"_

Saying his goodbyes to his team he began to walk away. His left had picked his phone out of his pocket and he finally resigned himself to call you.

The line kept ringing and with each millisecond that passed without you picking up, Feitan grew more nervous. _"Why isn't she answering?"_

**"Hey! It's me. I'm probably busy if I'm not here to answer your call so just leave a voicemail and I'll get back to you as soon as possible!"**

**"** Stupid bubbly girl. What could you be doing right now?!" He grunted.

* * *

_"Where is this guy? What did Hina say his name was? Thomas, I think. I don't even know what he looks like, he just texted saying he was wearing a light blue dress shirt."_

Looking around the restaurant for a young man who fit the description, you suddenly heard an "Oi! Over here!"

You turned your head to see a very good-looking muscular man wearing said dress shirt that was just a little too tight.

"You're Y/N, right? I recognized you from the picture Hina sent me"

_"Great, she could've sent me a picture of him too"_

"Oh yes that's me" you replied softly as you sat down in the chair directly in front of him.

"Wow Hina said you were cute but you're really hot" Somehow his compliment seemed ungenuine, and once you realized your mouth was beginning to form a frown you corrected it by giving a false smile.

"Thanks. What are you drinking?"

"Just some red wine, I got you some too even though I didn't know what you like"

"Thank you." You grabbed the wine in your hand and twirled it slowly. Something felt wrong about this.

Thomas was watching your every move, almost glaring at you. He smiled at you and said "I took the liberty of ordering for the both of us that way you wouldn't have to wait too long"

 _"Great."_ You mumbled in your head. You began to drink a bit of the wine in your hand, you were probably going to need it to get through this date.

A few minutes of silence had gone by but this time you welcomed it.

"So what do you do?" you tried to form a conversation because you could feel how awkward you were being, and you didn't want to be rude to him.

"I'm an accountant. I used to manage some of your friend's boyfriend's accounts and that's how we know each other"

"Oh that's nice" you replied bored, turning your head to watch the people walking past the window.

"Are you always this much of a bitch?"

His reply shocked you, and you suddenly were at a loss for words.

"I-I need to go use the restroom, please excuse me" You hastily placed your wine glass down and grabbed your purse.

"Hey! I'm not paying for this just for you to run off!" He quickly ran after you.

Your heart began beating faster. _"Where do I go? If I go to the bathroom he'll just be waiting for me outside."_ Your eyes searched for the exit of the restaurant. To your panic, you realized that there was only one exit and it was the one you had used to enter, it was all the way back where your table was.

_"the bathroom better have a window"_

Dashing towards the women's bathroom you could feel your date tailing you. It was a single stall bathroom so you could quickly lock the door behind you. Desperately scanning the room you located a window above the toilet that was large enough for you to slide through.

"Open up! I'm not gonna hurt you but I think it's rude for you to run away like that! Is this really a way to make an impression?"

"My mom called she wants me to go get her it could be an emergency!"

"Hina said that your mom died a few years ago!"

_"DAMMIT HINA"_

"You know it's not very nice to lie. You're starting to make me angry" He began banging on the door.

You quickly lowered the lid of the toilet and climbed on top of it. Opening the window, you slid through into the other side. You were lucky that you were agile and flexible enough to jump out, landing into an alleyway.

Realizing that the knocking on the other side of the door had ceased you panicked as you realized that could be due to two options. He had either give up on chasing you or he had deduced that you would make an exit through the window of the bathroom and was probably making his way to the backstreet now.

You began running away from the restaurant, feeling your phone vibrating in your purse.

Heavy footsteps echoed behind you. _"That's him"_

You began to pick up your pace but so did your pursuer behind you. You continued until much to your horror, you reached a fence blocking the rest of the path. _"You either climb it or handle him."_ Taking a deep breath you swiftly turned around to face Thomas.

A sly smile crept on his face.

"Why do you run sweetie? Did I bore you? I hate pretentious women like you and I think you need to be taught a lesson" He launched towards you but before he got the chance you quickly swung your foot and kicked him straight in the face, knocking him back a few steps.

"Leave me the fuck alone asshole!" you screamed. You didn't hesitate to swing at him, hitting him with your fists in his stomach and his neck. You were stronger than he thought and he had severely underestimated you.

You felt like you were going to be okay after all, but you suddenly felt the world around you get hazy and your head began to spin.

"I- what did you.."

"Your wine. I put something in it to make you more cooperative" he leered.

_"I can't let this end this way. I'm going to have to use my nen, but I don't want to kill him since I could easily lose control and he's probably a regular man with no powers."_

You took a step forward but you felt your legs turn soft underneath you. As you fell to your knees you suddenly heard the man in front of you screaming and you saw a shadowed figure appeared.

"You touch her you die"


	6. Carried Away

The bright lights surrounding you were fading away. You could feel the wind blowing past you, and while you could not sense much, you knew you were in someone's arms. The banging inside your head was making it hard for you to hear.

"Let....m...e.....go" you weakly spat up at the dark figure who was holding you.

"Shut up. You lucky I was there." You breathed a sigh of relief. It was none other than Feitan who was carrying you, and your body began to relax a little.

The world around you still was hazy, and it was getting worse. Your muscles ached as if you had just run three miles, and your head felt like it was about to explode.

You began to fade in and out of consciousness and suddenly you went completely limp in his arms.

The man who had come to your rescue began to panic, squeezing your arm as he was running, turning right on your street.

"Wake up! Y/N?" He looked around him, making sure no one else was around. It would startle anyone to see a man carrying an unconscious woman. If someone saw him, they would most likely stop him in his tracks, or if they were too cowardly they would call the cops.

This was definitely an embarrassment he wanted you and him to avoid.

_"Not much longer until I reach her building. I really hope she's okay"_

Flinging the entrance door open, he sped up the stairs and dug into your purse frantically for your keys. Bursting in the door, he made his way to your bed and threw you onto it.

_"Stupid girl. What was she thinking? He could she be alone with that piece of shit!"_

He felt himself growing angrier but then he realized that his anger was misdirected.

_"I should have been there earlier. I could've stopped her from drinking whatever that was."_

He rotated his head to look at you sprawled on your bed, sleeping peacefully. You were breathing just fine, but he could tell you would be knocked out for a while.

His attention slowly shifted to the room around him. He had never been in here before and it felt even more personal than intruding your living room. It was a completely different world. You had books scattered on the floor, piles of paperwork covering a desk, some half-drunk cups of tea placed on the nightstand. It wasn't dirty, just disorganized. It was as if you let yourself be messy in here, the most private place in your apartment, but everywhere outside of here was neat and tidy.

It became clear to him that you were more complex than he had originally thought. _"I wonder what she would discover if she saw my room?"_ You thought when the possibility of you ever prying through his space. He knew you probably wouldn't get the chance anytime soon. His roommate was his annoying blond best friend. He didn't know how Phinks would act around you and that was something he didn't want to leave to chance.

You were now in the safety of your own home and it was getting late. " _Would you be alright by yourself if I left now?"_

Feitan felt shocked by his own thoughts. A few weeks ago you were nonexistent in his world and now there you were snoring away in front of him. _"You should learn to be less trusting of people Y/N. That should be the first thing you Hunters should learn."_ He turned his back to you preparing to make his exit but his legs could not move.

 _"I can't just leave her here. I have to make sure she wakes up and that she's ok. I still can't believe-UGH what was she thinking?! I had had been there any later he would have hurt her!"_ Coming to the understanding that his rage was building, he needed to distract himself.

Your room was a treasure trove of information for him to divulge upon. Pictures, clothes, journals maybe?

There was a bookshelf in this room too, but the ones here were very different from the many others you owned. 

He ran his finger across the spines of the books finally stopping at a set of particular items located right in the corner. It seemed to have been lazily hidden. As he read the words _"Eric Stanton, Sylvia Day, Trevor Brown, EL James"_ his mouth dropped in shock. He turned to look at you and thought " _out of all the people, I did not expect this from you!"_

The excitement began to fill his body as he thought of this new erotic side of you that had just come to light. You seemed far from the type of person who would enjoy this kind of stuff. Feitan was a fan of the more sadistic sexual preferences but you?

Smiling over at you he then felt guilty. His grin instantly turned as he realized that this was probably a detail about you that you didn't want anyone to know, and there was a reason why these certain objects were kept hidden in your room. _"You have stolen invaluable treasures, tortured people like it was second-nature, and you're worried about invading some girl's privacy?"_

He had decided to stop snooping through your personal effects and whatever you wanted to show him you would do it on your own time.

Placing a blanket that had been previously hanging over a chair on you and proceeded to lay next to you, reading one of the books that had thrilled him to learn you owned.

A few hours later, your male companion did not seem to grow tired. He looked like he didn't even need to sleep. He kept his eyes glued to the pictures and words in front of him, already lost in his own world.

"Mmmm" slipped through your mouth startling the man next to you.

You yawned and placed your hand over your head, pushing your H/C hair back. Your eyes slowly began to flutter open and Feitan quickly slapped the book back where he had found it.

The first thing you saw was his curious grey eyes staring down at you.

"Feitan?" You had no clear memory of the last few hours. Your mind was still hazy.

"What happened."

"You! Why were you with that man?! You looking like this! All nice for him?" he was upset with you, that was no secret.

Was that a hint of jealousy in his tone?

"Man? Oh...Hina... she had set me up with this guy. She kept pestering me to go on a date with him, so I finally gave in. I owed her anyway. She always had my back whenever I was late."

"Why she need you to date! And with that!"

"She's always teasing that I'm getting old and I need to get married soon. She watches too many matchmaker shows." You resigned.

"Stupid! You do not need date! You do not need to marry! You are NOT OLD!"

"Hey, calm down. I only agreed to go because I had nothing better to do."

"So you go out with freaks when bored?! You don't need to go out with him or any other guy! You could go out with m-" He stopped himself but it was too late. You understood what he meant to say.

"With you?"

"NO! Why would I go with you! I don't like you!"

You said nothing and instead a frown formed from your lips.

This was the first time he could see your feelings hurt. Had he gone too far? Why did he feel this way? His stomach felt uneasy at the thought of you seeing other guys. _"She's not anything to you except a nuisance. She can do whatever she wants."_

What Feitan did not know was that you were way smarter and intuitive than you had let on. You liked the idea of people underestimating you, sometimes it could give you the upper hand. The color on his cheeks had turned bright red, he was fiddling with his fingers and avoided looking at you. 

He felt your hand on his. His extremities were always unusually cold, so they contrasted with your warm, soft fingers. 

"Thank you for helping me. I could've managed on my own if he hadn't drugged me."

"Tch."

 _"Take a chance for once in your life!"_ Hina's high pitched voice echoed in your mind.

"Would it be stupid to say that I missed you even though you say you don't like me?"

His enlarged eyes turned to meet your sweet gaze. You were leaning over slightly and the red dress you were still wearing pronounced your cleavage. He couldn't help but look down. Your hips...your breasts...your legs...His mind was now racing and he could feel himself losing control.

His body moved before he could react to it. Grabbing your hair just tightly enough with his right hand and placing his other hand right on the small of your back you instantly felt his cold subtle lips press against yours.

The world around you no longer mattered. You only felt him, and he could only think about you. You matched his excitement and pressed your fingers on the back of his neck, slipping close towards him.

Your embrace continued as your lips fell deeper within each other, catching his tongue. He jumped to bit your bottom lip, and a mischievous smile formed on him. His blood began to swell below him and you were quick to notice. Without thinking you placed your hand on his swollen bulge. He shuddered at your touch, and quickly reached for your breast with his free arm.

A moment that had initially been ignited by his excitement and lust was suddenly bursting with emotions. He wanted so desperately to undress you and let him see all of you, down to the most intimate detail.

Right when he was about to act, you pulled back and the trance between you ended.

"I thought you didn't like me?" you purred tauntingly at him.

"I-I...." his head lowered in embarrassment as he wiped excess saliva off his face.

As you waited for him to continue his blabbering your head snapped up. A memory from that night had all of a sudden been recovered. Wine, jerk, bathroom, alley, fence. Oh no.

"Feitan, what happened to the guy who tried to attack me?!"

That was it, the one important thing you had been forgetting. You were undoubtedly angry at the man who had nearly succeeded at following through with his sinister plan, but you now had the image of Feitan standing over Thomas's body as he lay on the floor wincing in pain.

"Why you care? He deserved what he got"

"Answer me. Is he dead?!"


	7. Elation

"Feitan!" you had quickly grown impatient. You could not wait for an answer anymore, the anxiety was eating you away.

"No."

You wondered if he was lying. Was he capable of sparing someone's life? No matter how despicable his victim was? A sudden realization flooded you. This was the kind of person you had accepted, a _murderer._

Yet when you finally had the courage to look at him, the small man sitting in front of you looked the farthest thing possible from a criminal. He was small, his brows were furrowed, making his eyes give off an expression of worry. For the smallest moment, he looked vulnerable. Not a killer, but a man who needed to know that you did not hate or resent him more than anything.

"I. I wanted to kill him. I was close. I could have done it fast. But I saw you, and I knew you would not want that for him. So I tied him to the fence. Upside down."

A sigh of relief released the tension in the room. He hadn't killed him, and this proved that he could show restraint.

"But make this clear. If not for you, I would have cut his legs off while alive."

This declaration burned a hole through your heart. If anyone else would have said something like this, you would've felt fear too strong for words. Yet somehow, a voice in your head whispered _"there must be a reason why he kills. No one does such a thing for no good reason."_

And you were right. The black-haired man had his reasons for being who he was. In his nearly 30 years of life, he had never known anything different than the pain of abandonment, death, betrayal, and heartbreak. From the time he could remember he had belonged to no one, there was not a person in the world who would protect him from the cruel reality of life.

"Thank you for fending him off when I couldn't."

He met your eyes. You did not seem angry, just tired, and it was obvious. Your makeup was beginning to smear a bit. Your H/C hair was messy, but you still looked incredible in the red dress. As far as he was concerned, you were the most attractive woman in the world to him.

"You..." He tried to finish what he was thinking, but his mouth did not seem to move.

Since you had met him, you noticed that his manner of speaking was odd. He sometimes spoke in short, broken sentences. It was as if this was not his first language. You wanted to ask him about it, but you didn't, it would be embarrassing to point it out.

You threw yourself back on the bed and reached for your phone in your purse. Scrolling momentarily, you tapped on the screen and raised it to your ear.

The line rang for 3 seconds until a voice called out on the other end.

"Y/N!!!!! Tell me every detail! Did he kiss you! Oh, I hope you used protection!!!"

Hina had the bad habit of speaking excessively loud, and Feitan could hear everything she said clearly. You could see that it made him uncomfortable.

"Hina I need you to listen carefully..."

Her usually peppy friend was suddenly silent. Whenever the two were seen together, people always assumed that you were the naïve and innocent one, but if anything, Hina knew little of the world. She meant well, but always underestimated the malice of the human race.

"He laced my drink with something. Thankfully I ran out of the restaurant when he started being rude but he followed me out. I gave him a good beating before what ever he gave me kicked in-"

"OH NO Y/N! PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE OK?! I COULDN'T LIVE WITH MYSELF KNOWING I FORCED YOU TO GO OUT ON A DATE WITH THIS MAN!"

"I'm fine, thanks. If Feitan hadn't been there, who knows what would've happened"

"Feitan? The cute black-haired man you told me about?! I told you he has a crush on you! Aw how sweet he even stalked you and saved you!!! Like a story out of a novela. Are you ok though?"

You didn't need to look at him to know he was blushing like crazy. _"Did she tell her idiot friend that she thinks I'm cute?"_

"Um...yes him. Anyway, I'm super tired. We can catch up tomorrow."

You could hear Hina begging you not to hang up on her but a short click cut her off.

"I did not stalk. I was in area." he mumbled as he turned his head to the right. 

"Of course, how would you have known I was going to be there?" you giggled.

You both leaned back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling above.

"My mom used to play this game with me whenever I had a hard time falling asleep. I could never sleep without a small light on, and I still have this habit now."

He nodded for you to continue, crossing his hands over his chest.

"Hey, you can take off your shoes if you want"

Feitan had kept his boots on this whole time, and in an effort to avoid placing them on your bed, he just had his legs hanging off the side of the bed.

Unlacing them, he placed them on the floor and lifted his feet on the bed. Even his socks were black, it was a good color on him.

"So, we would look at the ceiling and imagine was the texture looks like. Kind of like an indoor version of the cloud game. Like look at the one, it looks like a carrot right?" You pointed at the popcorn wall above you.

"Looks like knife."

"Well that one looks like a dog" Your finger shifted to the right.

"Looks like gun."

You let out a carefree laugh and nudged his shoulder with your head.

This went on for the next five minutes or so until you had become quieter and quieter. He realized you had fallen asleep, abruptly and all at once. He began to follow your lead, slowly joining you in your slumber.

* * *

When your phone vibrated violently, you begrudgingly woke. Looking around at the room, you realized that your friendly visitor from last night was nowhere to be seen.

Picking up your phone, you waited for her to speak first.

"Tell me everything about last night! I KNOW he was there with you, that's why you hung up on me!"

"Mmmm...why do you always have to be the one to interrupt my dreams. If you keep this up, I'll be dreaming of you too."

"Hurry up and tell me!"

"He left already. I want to get in the shower, I didn't have a chance to take off what I was wearing last night"

"Pleaseeeeeee don't hang up!!!" But her pleads fell on death ears and grinning you said, "I'll call you when I'm done, you can wait 10 minutes!"

You slipped your dress off and took out the bobby pins barely holding your hair together. Turning the water on, you waited until it was pleasantly warm to step in.

Thinking of how the evening before had escalated between you two, you wondered what the future looked like. _"Does this mean he likes me? He kissed me but his words said something else."_

You continued to ponder in your confusion as you got out of the shower and loosely placed a towel over your body. Opening the bathroom door, you let out a scream as a familiar figure in all-black stared back at you, rubbing his eyes sleepily.

He was a light sleeper and you tossed and turned too much to his liking. He moved to the couch, realizing that you would probably sleep better if you had more room. That paired with the fact that he was not used to sleeping next to anyone, except for the few times Phinks had mistaken Feitan's room for his while in a drunken stupor.

With the scare the towel that was only secured by your hand began to fall, revealing your bare breasts. You desperately tried to cover yourself again, but you felt his hand hold your arm.

"Why you want to cover yourself?"

"Why are you here! I thought you left!" you nervously blurted out.

"Want me to leave?"

"No! I-"

He didn't hesitate to place a kiss on your neck prolonging the moment until he began to suck on your skin. You were bursting with heat and embarrassment, there was only a towel separating him and your naked body. You fought with him to cover yourself again.

"Is this okay?" He wondered.

"Yes."

That was all he needed to pick you up and throw you over his shoulder. He was strong, and his hands were trembling just thinking about what would happen next.

He gently threw you on the bed, gesturing at you to once again make sure that it was okay to touch you. You nodded at him, letting him place his hands on your thighs.

Feitan slowly began to run his finger in the crease between your hips and your groin, sliding it up and down, nearly touching the lips of your entrance. He started rubbing your clit gently with his thumb, and it only took a few seconds for his cold digit to warm up to the heat of your body.

"You are so wet" He cooed.

His index and middle finger were now rubbing the rim of your inner labia and you let out an unexpected moan. He teased you, just barely putting the tip of his fingers inside of you, only to pull them back.

"You want this?" his hand coming to a halt.

"Yes.." you sheepishly answered.

"I need to hear you louder. Say 'Yes please'"

"Yes please" you were growing impatient, your body yearned for him to go on.

With that, he slipped both his fingers into your warm, wet insides. You gasped in satisfaction as he began to pleasure you. Your head curled back, moaning and grabbing the sheets in euphoria.

It took every ounce of strength inside him not to rip his clothes on and place himself inside of you.

You were open in front of his eyes, ready for him to finish you off. As much as he wanted, no _needed_ to fuck you, he did not know what you were comfortable with yet, and he didn't want to rush into it.

Drowning in moans and feelings of elation, your mind began to race even quicker as you drew closer to an orgasm. His fingers then sped up, and he placed his other thumb on your clit.

"Please...don't stop."

"Say it louder, say my name"

His grip on your clit momentarily stopped as he reached for your neck. Securing his grasp around you, he squeezed, his grip becoming tighter and you felt yourself grow dizzy.

"Feitan, don't stop. PLEASE" an unexplainable feeling overcame you, as much as his grip on you hurt, you didn't want him to cease what he was doing. 

Your body began to tremble, as you had reached climax. You raised your hands to your head and covered your face in embarrassment. He released his hands off your neck and your womanhood, and through the slits in between the fingers covering your face, you saw him lick his fingers as if they were covered in the sweetest liquid.

He placed his hand on your shoulder and reached up to fix a stray strand of hair on your head, and he then traced his fingers over the bruises that were already apparent on your neck. He let a small smile leave his lips as he relished at the sight in front of him, how easily he could leave a mark on your soft body. 

_"she's so weak,"_ He thought as he got up and walked out the door, not taking a second to look back at you naked and flustered on the bed. 


	8. Face the Truth

"And then?! I need all the details! You're terrible at kissing and telling." Hina complained as she filed her long nails, deliberately avoiding the work in front of her.

"And then he went home. Nothing else happened." But you let a sly smile come across your face. 

"I knew it! You're lying! Such a naughty girl, you need to tel-"

Your gossiping was interrupted by George hovering over the computer monitor.

"Y/N, the boss wants to see you."

Hina rapidly fell silent, just moving her eyes towards the door and mouthing 'call me after work'.

Moving through the massive building until you reached your manager's office, you knocked twice on the door. After hearing a voice call out "Come in!" you walked through the entrance.

You stood in front of the old man as he smoothed the hair over his bald spot located on the top of his head.

"Sit down, sit down young lady." He waved his arm at the chair in front of his desk.

"Ms. L/N, I'm sure you're wondering why you were called over today. We've been keeping an eye on your performance in the lab and your consistency to bring in results. You're an outstanding employee and you have been selected to work closely with the higher-ups on a confidential project."

You let his words settle in. "Thank you, I was worried that we were reaching dead ends often in our research but we try our hardest, all of us."

"I like your humble attitude but we know how hard you have been working individually. You're bright and young and this is an opportunity to move up. You'd still be working at this location of course but you will also be needed to commute to the Hunter's Association Yorknew location, where you will be meeting Ms. Yorkshire."

"Ms. Yorkshire?!" Your excitement began to rise. You had selected this company because you had always dreamed of working with the famous Zodiac. In the nearly three years you had been employed there, you had never had the honor of meeting her, but you would finally get the chance.

"Thank you, Mr. Seron, I appreciate your praise and I promise I will not let you down."   
  


"Great, we'll see you after the weekend, my secretary will have all the paperwork you need to sign. We're expecting great things from you."

You excused yourself, barely holding in your enthusiasm. Glancing at your watch, you noticed that your workday was officially over.

As you left your building you felt a chilly breeze hit you. Hina had left as soon as the clock struck 6, so you were ready to make the walk home alone.

"You got out late?" a pale figure sporting a black hoodie stepped out from the shadows.

It was taking some getting used to being ambushed by this man, so his question startled you.

"Hey! Were you waiting for me?"

"No. I was in the area." He retorted.

"Oh yeah, sure" You beamed a playful smile at him.

And there it was, the awkward silence. _"Why is he always like this? It's as if two nights ago never happened."_

"I'm going to get a bite to eat before heading home if you want to come with me" you pointed at the main road as you kept walking forward.

"Wasn't planning on leaving you"

Your heart skipped a beat as his reply. You looked at him with a wider smile than before.

"You look good, black really is your color" you giggled.

"You look good. In any color." He turned to face away from you, to hide his crimson cheeks.

After trotting through the street and arriving at your favorite late-night bakery you ordered the usual thing you got whenever craving something after work.

"You want something?" you asked your silent companion.

"I'll get the same." He glared at the woman in front of the register and proceeded to dig through his pocket for his wallet and shoved a bill in the lady's face.

"Hey that's alright you don't have to pay" You waved your credit card at him, but he shook his head.

"Do you have any smaller bills than this 100?" she nervously asked.

"No just more like those."

She gave up and handed him the receipt.

You both worked through your meal quietly, pausing every now and then to shyly glance at each other.

Breaking the silence, you gleamed "So I sort of got a promotion at work today. I'll be meeting the person I admire the most in this field, and I'll be doing much more important research"

He looked at you as a genuine smile formed from his lips.

"You deserve it. You are smart." He placed his hand on the table as he leaned back on the chair. "Will be gone for a few weeks. Don't know when I'll be back."

You shifted forward and met his hand with yours, softly rubbing the tips of your fingers on his knuckles.

"Do you know where you'll be going?"

"Yes but...it's complicated. Won't be able to call."

He noticed your slight disappointment but he did not know what to say.

"Will you miss me?"

He was not expecting you to ask him this. He had never let himself miss anyone before in his life. What was that supposed to feel like?

Staring at the beautiful woman in front of him, his heart yearned to lay next to you and watch you fall asleep like he had the other night. Does this worrying emptiness he feels at the thought of being away from you mean he will 'miss' you?

"I think I'm going to miss you when you're gone. I hope you'll be safe. I worry about you constantly."

Feitan did not know why but what you said made him uneasy. _"Miss me? She worries about me? No one has ever..."_ He felt his heart drop when he thought of you moving on from him, leaving him like all the people before you. _"I can't let her go on. It's not fair to any of us."_

Motivated by the fear of uncertainty and his inability to understand that he had feelings for you he snapped "You don't worry about me. I don't give a shit about you."

He got up abruptly, not even looking down to see your horrified expression. You watched as he faded into the distance, too shocked to call out to ask him to stay.

* * *

Letting the heavy door shut behind him, he went straight to his room. The adrenaline from his walk home had finally worn off. It was like a fog had lifted, and he was left alone in that room with his emotions.

The plethora of feelings that he had in his heart was too much to bear. He hadn't let himself actually _feel_ what he wanted to feel before. His mind was a mess too. " _This isn't how it was supposed to be"_ , he thought. He was never supposed to involve himself with you, but now here he was, the smell of your hair and the taste of your lips still fresh in his head.

He instantly regretted snapping at you like that, but he didn't know how else to react. He was a feral cat, and you were just an innocent person trying to care about him

Instead of facing his emotions, he resorted to what he had always done when dealing with grief, confusion, or pain. He grabbed the lamp next to him and swung it at the door, sending it crashing as it broke. He began to fall deeply into his fit of rage until a sudden shout stopped him in his tracks.

"Oi! What the fuck are you doing?!" Phinks shouted from the other end of the door.

When he opened the door, it revealed a scene that saddened him. His friend lay on the floor, nearly pulling his hair out, shards of glass and other broken items lay scattered.

It took him a few seconds to find his words, as he used to dealing with him whenever Feitan let his anger get the better of him, but never like this.

"What happened?" His tone wasn't accusatory but concerned.

The ebony-haired man looked up; his eyes bloodshot.

"She. I. This is not how I am to feel"

"About the girl? What did you do? You didn't kill her did you?"

"No. I could never hurt her. I just. She. I almost killed for her the other night. I stopped myself because of her. I can't tell her how I feel. I don't know how I feel."

His friend waited for him to continue.

"She knows what I do. She knows I am not good guy. Doesn't know details but she accepts me. She wants me around. It's like she doesn't see me any different." He cried out as he placed his head in between his arms.

"But why do I feel like I do something wrong Phinks? I am not supposed to feel. Feel this way. Criminals are not supposed to involved in romance"

"Oh...I see what's going on now." Phinks sighed. "You feel like these emotions are wrong, right? Like they're not supposed to belong to you?"

The shorter man looked up at the blond brute above him.

"You think you're a bad guy because you have already condemned yourself to be. Me? I think I might do questionable things, but I do what I have to do. That doesn't make me a bad guy, and neither does it make you one."

"Life is more complicated than black or white, wrong or right. The 'good' guys are just people who have the law behind them, they steal and kill just as much as we do." He went on. "But even so, you have a right to let someone be there for you. I've known you for a very long time and while you may not want to accept it, she is exactly what you have always needed."

These words bore through Feitan, and he looked to the side, wondering how he could ever be with a woman like you.

"Tell her how you feel. And if you can't tell her, show her. You have to let someone love you. You deserve it Fei." And Phinks meant every word of what he said. It hurt him to see his friend battling with himself. He knew Feitan had never known the love of a mother, or any family, or much less a woman. He cared for and was loyal to the Phantom Troupe and they were like his family, but everyone had their own lives at the end of the day, and when they would disband he would continue to live as solitary as ever.

"Listen, we're gonna be gone for a few weeks to sort out this whole Greed Island thing. Take this time to figure out your feelings. If you realize you can't be without her, tell her how you feel. There's nothing wrong with caring about her the way you do."

The black-haired man would never admit it, but he was very grateful for Phinks at this moment. He had told him exactly what he needed to hear, and his mind was now somewhat at ease.

"Alright man you gotta tell me what went on between you that made you go ballistic" a tone of mischief returned to the blonde's mouth.


	9. An Overwhelming Pride

Staring at the ceiling in your bedroom, you reminisced about the night you spent by his side.

 _"I don't give a shit about you"_ these words still lingered in your mind. You turned over to press your head against your pillow.

"Why does he keep playing games with me?" His insult stung and you had run home trying hard to hold back your tears.

A sudden banging on the door broke you from your trance.

You were hoping that opening the door would reveal a certain dark-attired man, but instead was your periwinkle-headed friend, holding a tub of icecream.

"I knew the second you texted me I needed to make my way over here. You always try to make it seem like you can handle everything by yourself but it's not true! It's okay to need me sometimes you stubborn girl!"

Your friendship with Hina was something you treasured greatly, and you were thankful she could understand you without you needing to say it.

"You should've called me when this happened and not waited a week!"

In the week that had gone by, you had heard nothing from him. You had buried yourself in work, putting more effort into your new assignment so you could distract yourself.

Half a tub of ice-cream and two episodes of your friend's favorite show later, she finally decided to bring up the subject she was dying to talk about.

"He said he didn't give a shit about you?" she asked as she lay upside down on your bed, a spoonful of the chocolate dessert in her hand. "and then he went MIA?"

"Yes... but I don't know if he actually meant it." That was true, you were unsure how true his declaration was.

"Y/N it doesn't matter whether he meant it or not. What matters is that he said it. He had no regard for your feelings, and that's no good."

You sighed when realizing that she was right. Hina had a way with words and was oddly wise when it came to human interactions.

"I don't know what's up with him. The other night we almost-you know and now he's saying he doesn't even care about me..."

"He could just be using you, ya know?"

 _"But that couldn't be true, could it? If he was using me he wouldn't have been focused on pleasing me"_ You pondered.

"Either way Y/N, you shouldn't give that guy your time if he can easily say things like that to you without being considerate of how you feel."

As much as you hated to admit it, she wasn't wrong. Your heart ached just thinking about him. The thought that you may never see him again burned in your mind.

*BUZZ BUZZ* a loud vibration interrupted your daydreaming.

Your friend didn't hesitate to pick it up, and once she saw the name on the screen, she threw it on the bed in disgust.

"It's him. You shouldn't answer but it's up to you if you do."

You grabbed and declined the call. _"Why is he calling now, a week later?"_

The buzzing had returned. Another call from him.

"I'll just send him to voicemail again."

A few seconds later, a notification popped up on your screen. You looked down at it, your chin was resting on the palm of your hand.

**1 New Voicemail**

* * *

Pacing impatiently across the grass, Feitan gripped his phone tightly. He had sacrificed a "leave" card just so he could momentarily quit the Greed Island game and speak to you. His guilt over the last week had been eating him up. The image of your soft, sweet face scrunched up in disbelief after he spat at you was engrained in his head.

It had been difficult to focus on the mission in front of him. At the end of the day when his mind had a chance to catch up with his emotions, he would only think of you. He so desperately wanted to know that you were okay, and he wanted to tell you that he regretted lying to you.

Having declined his calls, he resigned himself to leaving a voicemail. He couldn't blame you for not wanting to talk to him. He was despicable and disgusted with himself.

The only thing on his mind besides you was finishing the task entrusted upon him so he could go home and finally see you.

* * *

**"Y/N...I am calling. Don't know when I can call again. I...I wanted to tell you something. I hope you are fine."**

Your mind had been fighting a battle against your heart in the last five days. _"You can open the voicemail, he's not gonna pop out of your phone and bite you"_ But just as you were accepting and loving, you were also stubborn and proud. It was no secret that he had hurt you significantly, and you were not ready to deal with the possibility that he would send an apology over the phone.

You had lost the battle and defeated, you played his voicemail. How do you reply to this? Do you text him? Call him? No, he wouldn't receive it. You settled with leaving no reply, for now, that could be saved for another day.

It had been nearly 2 weeks since the last time you saw him. It had been the longest you've gone without seeing him, and you stared at the empty couch in front of you as you imagined him sitting there with his deadpan gaze.

*buzz buzz*

Looking at the phone in front of you, your eyes watched as his name appeared on the screen and declined the call.

"It's getting easier to reject his calls but why do I still feel this unsettling emptiness?"

The days that had passed with no trace of your black-haired friend had been full of hard work, wine, and as much as you hated yourself for it-soft crying in the shower. What no one knew was that you were also at a loss of understanding for your own feelings for him. Conflicting emotions had been your sole companion besides the nightly phone calls to your best friend.

Your phone continued to vibrate but you pretended not to hear it go off.

The room was getting darker, your eyelids were growing heavier. You were beginning to fall into light sleep when you heard a clinking noise at the door.

"What the-?"

The door opened, the creaking wooden sound was quiet but still audible. No one else had a key to your place and the sound at the door did not seem like someone was using a key. 

_"Someone's breaking in!"_ Adrenaline began to rush into your body as you located the baseball bat under your bed. You were a single woman living alone in a huge metropolitan area where crime was common, and you would rather be safe than sorry.

You slowly creeped out your room and into the living room, bat raised over your head ready to be swung.

Bracing yourself to see who your intruder was, your eyes widened at the scene in front of you.

It was none other than Feitan, standing a few feet in front of the door.

"What? What are you doing here?!"

"You! You don't answer your phone! I thought you died. I needed to know. You were ok." He had brought himself up to you, loosening the baseball bat from your grip and letting it fall on the floor. He wrapped you in an embrace tightly. In this moment where neither of you moved or spoke you completely understood everything and you did not want it to end.

Your anger and resentment flooded back into you. You pushed him away and stepped back.

"You can't just go breaking into people's homes Feitan. I don't understand why you would even do that if you don't give a shit about me." You pretended to straighten your shirt.

"No. I lied. Y/N I'm...I'm sorry!" His voice showed tones of genuine regret and remorse, the pupils of his eyes were widened.

"Please. Listen. I...I am bad. With words. Let me show you how I feel. About you."

You finally lifted your head, which had turned to stare at your feet in order to avoid looking at him. As your E/C met him, the flimsy wall of pride you had built came crashing down. Your look softened as you whispered "you were all I could think about"

He once again stepped in to hold you. He took a second to smell your sweet scent. He had been to so many places, and yet the most beautiful feeling was being here with you. You shivered in his arms, and this fact frightened him. Were you scared of him?

"I'm sorry I'm just cold."

His hands began to rub your shoulder, and he raised his lips to your neck. Feeling the soft cold texture of his lips press against your skin, you shivered. Feitan let his body take control and finally gave himself up completely to his feelings.

His lips met yours, and you both became entangled. A mixture of passion and so many other indescribable feelings fueled him as he drenched his tongue in your mouth. 

He ravaged your neck with kisses, elevating the heat by sucking on your skin. He began to lead you back to your room, throwing his jacket off in the process.

He was high off his emotions, and he was drowning in the desire to be with you, to _feel_ you. And suddenly, he was absolutely and utterly lost in you. 


	10. Worlds Collide

He lowered you onto your bed and paused as he relished the sight in front of him. Your face was filled with a lovely crimson color, fingers tracing lines across your collarbones.

The clothes began to tear off your body and you were almost naked beside your underwear. He quickly slid his belt off his pants and tightly fastened it around your raised arms. Your heart was pounding out of your chest, waiting to see what he would do next.

He slipped out of his shirt revealing toned, smooth shoulders, arms, and abdomen. Feitan was not used to being shirtless and hated to admit that he was slightly insecure about it. Watching him in front of you, your excitement was through the roof. _"He's so beautiful, I can't believe it."_

He began to gently kiss your thighs and run his fingers over your panties. He grinned as he felt his fingers becoming moist. Ripping them off his impatience began to show. _"Slow down."_ He thought to himself.

Running his fingers through your wet lips, he began to taunt you.

"You should learn not to ignore me." One finger went in and it began to curl inside in you.

A squirm was let out from your mouth.

"I think I have to teach you a lesson." A second finger slipped inside, and your body twisted in pleasure.

Not releasing his grip from inside you, he placed his free hand on your bare breast. He clasped his mouth over your nipple and sucking it while running his tongue around the rim.

"mmmm..."

Without warning, he dove down and placed a kiss right outside your opening. He could feel your body quivering, asking for more and he drew his tongue along the side of your groin and upper thigh.

"You want more? You need to learn that you can't run from me. Ever." He raised your leg and landed a slap on your ass, and then another. He wanted to continue, slap you harder but he had to restrain himself.

Every part of him wanted to tear you apart, watch you beg for mercy as he makes you hurt, makes you _bleed._ It was an unexplainable part of him that enjoyed and fed off the satisfaction of hurting others, but he felt a restraint when it came to you. Make no mistake-he knew he wanted to explore this sadistic side with you, but he knew he had to test your limits before he went as far as he wanted to. 

He began to devour you, drenching himself in your juices filling your insides with his tongue and running it up, and down and then up again. 

Quickly undoing his pants, he dropped his boxers to reveal his swollen erection. He was throbbing, his head was swirling.

You were watching him, your arms tied up above you. You wanted, _needed_ him to continue.

He placed the tip right above your entrance "How much do you want it?"

"Please..."

He hastily fastened his hand around your neck and purred "Say my name. Tell me you want me, only me"

"Please Feitan, fuck me, please. I want you, just you."

He slipped inside of you, letting a moan out himself.

You felt every inch of him throbbing in you, with you. It was easy to become lost in his eyes as he shifted his attention from sucking one breast to another as he thrust himself unto you.

You wanted so badly to caress his face, but your hands were constrained. You could only see him and knew he was everything you wanted.

He ravaged your body, leaving his mark everywhere. He held back as much as he could and loved the thought of your pain arousing him. _"I won't hold back next time."_

He did not grow tired of being in you, he just got quicker and stronger when he pulled himself into you. There was heat, pleasure, lust, and more than anything an indescribable feeling of near attachment. Your legs began to quiver, and he only sped up as your cries became louder. 

Feitan was quick to restrain your arms, his grip around your wrists was strong, nearly enough to make you tear up with pain. If he was just a little bit rougher, he would break them. 

Twisting your head as you writhed in elation you gasped as he released himself in you.

His mind had cleared up as if he had seen the light. Looking down at you, the beautiful, amazing woman he cared so deeply for, he realized that you were always what he needed.

He let your hands go and whispered "Next time. I won't restrain myself. I want to try more things."

You nodded, grinning at him as he placed a passionate kiss on your lips.

He wrapped his arms around you. He wanted to feel your warmth.

"What's that?" You pointed curiously at a black spider tattoo with the number 2 in the middle, placed on his left calf.

"This. Something special. It is who I am."

"I think that's cool. It takes a lot of commitment to get something like that." You placed your hand on his jawline.

"Feitan..." He turned to meet your gaze.

"I care so much about you. It's so odd how the guy who found a lost book of mine is the one I'm falling for."

 _Falling for him?_ Does he deserve as much? You, the most accepting and beautiful person, could learn to love someone like him?

 _"...you have a right to let someone be there for you."_ Phinks voice echoed in your head.

"I did not have a mother. Or father. Many people tried to put up with me as a kid, but I was never enough. I was alone. Always. I had accepted that I would never belong to anyone. That no one would ever accept me for who I was." He placed his hand gently on your face, rubbing his thumb across your cheek affectionately.

"That was. Until I met you."

You let his words set in, your eyes beginning to water. Your face became lined with tears, dripping off your jaw on into the skin on your collar.

"Why do you cry?" he said worriedly.

"I just can't imagine why someone like you would be deprived of love. If anyone deserves it, it's you. I wish I could take your pain away; I wish I could turn back time and make things different."

"Listen, I know by the feeling of your aura- you are much stronger than me. But I will try my hardest to protect you from anything and anyone, I will always try."

And there it was. The moment that he knew that he could never live without you. He felt in his heart that he did not deserve you, but he would spend every day trying to be the man that was.

"You are also strong. I have not seen you in battle but I can tell you are not just some helpless girl. But you should know. I will never let anyone hurt you." He declared slowly.

"All I know...Is that I will protect you until I die." He pressed his hand against yours "And you are mine Y/N. No more 'dates' with stupid guys. You date me. You stay with me. If I see a man look at you. I will slice his head off."

Something told you he was not joking about beheading any admirers. This felt new, fresh but you also knew that you could not grow tired of him.

"Feitan, why do you like me?" He couldn't understand why you would ask him such a thing. Who wouldn't like you? Have you seen yourself? Anyone who spends 2 seconds with you would know how special you are. All these thoughts ran through his head.

He may be a skilled assassin, a successful thief, a powerful opponent, but he had the emotional intelligence of a child.

"Why?" was all he could bring himself to say.

"It's just...you've probably seen so many places and met so many people. You've seen more of the world than I have. You could be with anyone you wanted. And I...am just ordinary and average. How can someone like you want a person like me?"

He stared in disbelief. No matter how different you two were, you both had the same insecurity. Both of you felt like the other was too good for you. He realized that physical appearance, questionable morals, terrible upbringings, all these things that separated you and him meant nothing anymore. Feitan and you did not just lay naked in the body but of the soul too.

He inched closer and whispered in your ear.

"You are the most. Extraordinary person in the world"

_________________________________________________________________

Author's Note:

Phew! This was a tough scene to write. I'd been meaning to finally have this happen between the reader and Feitan, but I wanted to keep the pace of the story.

I have plans for where this story is going. I really want to give the characters the depth and complexity they deserve. I hope you will continue to enjoy reading it!


	11. Hiding

“You’re kidding! I would’ve never guessed that you had a huge sweet tooth.” You giggled as you handed him the syrup.

“Something about me has to be sweet. I guess” His lips turned up in a slight smile, giving you a soft look.

You had spent the night wrapped in each other’s arms, both in a blissful sleep. Waking up to you was the most serene view he had seen in a very long time.

Laughing as you finished breakfast together, Feitan felt a sense of peace fall over him. He felt as if he was living in a completely different world than the one he had been born into. A world where you had to fight for your existence and peace was a mere afterthought. But here, sitting next to you as you stuffed your face with pancakes, he wondered, even if just for a second, if he could ever belong in your world.

He turned his gaze over to a picture hanging on the wall to your right.

“Your mom?” He asked as his eyes pointed at a portrait of a much younger you standing next to a smiling woman.

“Yes” You replied, walking towards the frame in question. “This was taken right after I graduated high school” Your hand ran across your mother’s face, landing on a piece of jewelry on her neck.

“This necklace was a family heirloom. My mother cherished it tremendously. It meant a lot to us.” Your eyes lowered, looking dejected.

“What happened?”

“I had to sell it in order to pay for her funeral expenses. It was worth a lot. Even if I ever got my hands on that kind of money, I don’t know if I’ll ever see it again.”

His eyes briefly met yours as he grabbed your hand, pressing it gently.

“I’m sorry…” He wanted to say more, but how was he supposed to reply to your sadness? Growing up, the way he learned to reply to grief or sorrow was silence. He hadn’t learned how to somewhat handle human interactions until he was in his 20’s. He wanted more than anything to take away the pain you felt when speaking of your mother’s lost memento.

He stood up to swiftly grab you by your waist, placing a passionate and warm kiss on your mouth. He placed his chin on your shoulder and whispered in your ear.

“I want you to know. While I am not good with words. I will try to show you how I feel. Good or bad.”

All you could do is stare deeply into his grey beautiful eyes. Everything at his moment felt perfect, the both of you engulfed in pure bliss. Yet why did you feel a small ache tugging at your heart? _“Where will things go from here?”_

You had to stop yourself before you fell down the hole that was overthinking. You would think about that later. Right now, all that mattered was being next to him.

* * *

Sitting in the chilly meeting room by yourself, you began to click your pen in and out. It had been a few minutes since you had been called to join Cheadle and the other important members of the Hunter Association. It was the first confidential briefing you would be attending. You breathed nervously as the door opened.

In walked the hunter you admired greatly followed by five other people you did not recognize, and Yohana who was also working alongside you.

“I wanted to gather you all here today to speak about some important goals we will be setting as a company and also some enemies we must ask you all to keep your eyes on.”

The green-haired woman pushed her glasses up, moving them closer to the bridge of her nose as they had slid down. She passed everyone a folder with the words “Classified” stamped on the front.

“Very little is known about them, we just know that they are all extremely skilled Nen users. “

You glanced at the pictures on the paper.

“They are known as the **Phantom Troupe**. This is what we believe they look like, although we have no names to match the pictures.”

Your heart nearly stopped beating. You could hear your blood rushing.

In front of your eyes was a picture of the one and only Feitan.

“What…” You cleared a lump in your throat. “What crimes have they committed?” You asked, trying your hardest to keep your composure.

“Well, they have stolen money and merchandise worth billions of Jenny, fraud, torture, and most of all the murder of hundreds of people, many of whom were innocent and even some children.” Cheadle continued.

You felt the room around you go hazy as your heart dropped. You knew that he had killed and stolen. In fact, you could live with the theft. But you thought that anyone who had been a victim of Feitan’s had been deserving of losing their life.

_“This can’t be true. Even if he’s a part of this gang of criminals…he couldn’t have been involved in the massacre of countless of innocent people.”_

“We ask you all to be on alert for these individuals. They are extremely dangerous, and a threat to society. Please be careful, if you encounter one of the targets, follow the instructions on the document in front of you. The Hunter Association has developed specific procedures for handling the Phantom Troupe.”

“Hey, Y/N are you okay?” Yohana asked with genuine concern.

In all honesty, you were the farthest to being “okay”. For the first time since meeting him, you felt fear. Would he be capable of killing you? _“No. I can’t think like this. I can’t assume he’s guilty without asking him to explain himself.”_

Your mind was swirling with a million thoughts at once, you could barely compose yourself and carry on with your workday. You only had to pull through for one more hour.

Gripping the door of the exit of the building, you paused to think. The only thing you could clearly desire is to not see him right now. You wanted so desperately to ask him about the crimes of his group, to beg him that he wasn’t responsible for killing innocent children and people. “It’s been a day or so since we last saw each other. If I go straight to my place, he’ll probably show up eventually.”

And so you headed to the only location where you knew he wouldn’t find you.

“Yes?” Hina replied to the knock on her door.

“Hina it’s me”

The door opened quickly, revealing an excited, grinning woman.

“I wasn’t expecting you! But this is a pleasant surprise!”

Almost immediately, your friend could tell something was very wrong.

“Y/N what’s going on?”

You frowned as you brought your hands over your lap, just staring meaninglessly into them.

“I…I can’t say exactly. It’s not that I don’t want to tell you, it’s that I can’t. But let’s just say that someone might not be who I thought they were.”

She glanced to the side, her thoughts working overtime to put together your words.

“Is this about Feitan?”

You knew that she would figure as much but you wondered just how much she would deduce.

“Yes. I don’t want to see him right now because I wouldn’t be in the best state of mind. I need time to sort out my feelings and what I need to say to him.”

“Take as much time as you need. I wasn’t doing anything important anyway, and we’re off for the weekend.”

A small feeling of gratitude overcame you. You needed this more than anything right now, just to avoid seeing him.

“Is it bad?” Hina couldn’t help but ask.

“It’s really bad. I mean I knew he wasn’t an angel but if this is true…it’s just evil Hina.” You let out a muffled cry, holding your hand up to your face and tears streamed down.

Your phone began to ring, and you needn’t look at it to know who was calling. _“He’s probably looking for me.”_

“Just turn your phone off, that way you don’t hear him calling and you can clear your head.”

And that’s exactly what you did. Over the next few hours, your friend tried her best to keep you distracted but it wasn’t working very well.

Both your attention diverted to a knocking on the door.

“Are you expecting someone Hina?” you wondered.

“No…people always call to let me know they’re stopping by.” Your heartbeat began to pick up the pace.

Your friend jumped up to look through the peephole of the door.

“It’s a guy! He has black hair and he’s really pale. Super cute. He’s only wearing black-“ Her voice turned into a whisper as she mouthed “ _OH MY GOD IS THIS HIM?!”_

You nodded nervously.

Hina cleared her throat. “Who’s there?”

“Open the door.” A soft-spoken voice said on the other side.

“Who is it.”

“You know who I am. I need to know. Y/N is there?”

“Who??” Hina was a terrible liar, and you tried to hide your face behind a pillow in embarrassment.

“Don’t play stupid! Open the door or I will knock it down”

“I don’t like this jerk” your friend mumbled as she began to undo the locks on the door.

“Hina don’t!” You blurted out, but it was too late.

Feitan pushed his way through the door and stood in front of you.

You tried to hide behind the pillow, acting as if he couldn’t see you laying on the couch.

“Y/N…” you could hear the pain in his voice. “Why do you hide from me?”

What do you say? This is not how you wanted to talk to him, and worse not in front of your friend. No one can know the truth about him.

“Feitan…” you lowered the object covering your face.

“What's wrong?” He said slowly. He took a deep breath and pulled his hand out to you.

“I don’t want to talk right now.”

“You can’t hide from me Y/N. Don’t even try.”


	12. Remember Your Sins

Without asking, Feitan scooped you from the sofa and carried you tightly in his arms.

“Let me go! I’m not a child!” His hands squeezed you, _He was strong._

“Please stop. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Without even looking at Hina he made his departure from her apartment.

“Hey! Where are you going! Bring her back!” Hina yelled, trying her hardest to follow him in her flip flops.

Feitan turned around swiftly and locked eyes with your furious friend.

“I thank you for being a good friend to her. I need her to talk to me. Don’t get in my way.” His eyes narrowed and then turned back around to speed away. He only saved his “please” for you and only you.

“Don’t hurt her asshole!” she spat as you and he disappeared from her sight.

“I wasn’t avoiding you.” You rotated your head, not wanting to meet his eyes.

“Yeah, of course not” he said playfully mocking you.

The rest of the trip was accompanied by silence. Feitan couldn’t understand why you would run from him, what did he do wrong? After he waited for over 15 minutes for you to open the door of your apartment, he once again picked your locks and saw that you were not there. You weren’t answering your phone intentionally, so he had asked for the help of Shalnark to track down where a certain employee who happened to be your one and only friend lived.

Arriving at the destination, he quickly unlocked the door and kicked the door open.

This wasn’t your place. _“Where are we?”_

A few seconds later he placed you on a bed. It was dark outside and so was the room.

“This is. Where I live.”

The room was neat but there were not many possessions insight. Feitan, being a wanted criminal was always on the move, and having a lot of things would make that difficult.

“You know I have legs, right? I can walk.” You crossed your arms.

“I like this new attitude. Please tell me you bite back.” He smirked.

He sat next to you, and the tension in the air began to rise.

“Feitan. I didn’t want to do this now. I wanted to give myself some time to think, but since you forced me to confront you about it, I guess I have no choice.”

He already knew what you were about to ask. Ever since the auction, the members of the Troupe had been on high alert. They knew what seven of them looked like, and they could never be too careful. It was only a matter a time before you, a Pro Hunter working in Yorknew would find out the truth about him.

“Were you responsible for killing innocent people, children?!” you pleaded, the pain in your eyes was obvious.

He took a second to answer. His crimes were never something he had to face directly. **_“You do what you do, and you never look back”_** is what he would tell himself time and time again. But now he had to face you, and answer for his sins.

“Yes. Mostly indirectly. I never meant to kill children. But we were under the boss’s orders. When I start killing it’s hard to stop.”

Memories flashed before his eyes. Screams, pleads, blood, lifeless eyes. He never had to understand _why_ he killed, but now sitting in front of the woman he cared so deeply for, there was nothing left to do but confront it.

You knew exactly what you had to do. Everything you had been taught was pointing to the same conclusion. _“You have to leave him.”_

“I can’t bring myself to hate you, or even resent you. All I feel in my heart when I look at you is warmth. My feelings for you only get stronger.” Even though you knew what was right, you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. You only wanted to be with him, no matter what he had done.

_“What the fuck is wrong with me? He’s ended the lives of innocent victims. He’s probably done way worse.”_

“Do you regret what you have done?” You had to know.

Feitan was gazed at your eyes, widened in fear? No, it was a more complex feeling. She was trying to redeem you.

“Yes. I wish…I hadn’t done some things. I don’t know why we did some of them. Maybe it’s our way of dealing with the cruelty… we’ve been through.”

You suddenly felt him move, and his head was on your knees. He was shaking, trembling. This was a man who was feared and respected by many, and he was making himself vulnerable to you.

He had lived his entire life closing him off from the world. Even those closest to him, like Phinks didn’t have the privilege of hearing his inner sorrows. What you didn’t know at this point was that Feitan channeled the helplessness, remorse, and sadness he felt through uncontrollable anger. It was in the stealing, killing, and torture that he could take back some of the control he was robbed of.

In his mind he had built an indestructible wall surrounding his true feelings. On the inside was a man who only longed to be accepted and loved. At this moment, he was filled with dread at the possibility that you no longer wanted anything to do with him. _“ I wouldn’t blame her. I’m a piece of shit.”_ But the thing he hated the most about himself was that he relished in the pain and scream of his victims. It ignited him, fueled him. He sometimes thrived on it. It was an unexplainable pleasure. He only felt this way with those who deserved it, and never with those who were blameless.

You felt the strong black-haired man choking up. Your heart was breaking, more than anything you needed to heal him. It came from a place so close to love. Placing your left hand through his soft ebony locks, your free hand wrapped under his jaw and pulled him up to you.

“I don’t know all you have done; I just know that it’s not all right. But I am no one to judge you, **no one.”** His grey eyes were so close to watering up, they were quivering just staring at you.”

“Stay.” He mumbled under his breath.

You brought his chin up and kissed him on the lips. He was always so cold, but it was a good contrast to your natural warmth. Running your hands down his arms, you felt the hardness of his muscles. You beckoned him onto the bed. He battled for dominance, but you whispered “No, this time it’s you that needs to be taught a lesson.”

The sight of you taking over was arousing him even more. The room was dim, but the window reflected light off your eyes, showing an excited and playful look. You lay on top of him memorizing the lines of his face.

Even I wouldn’t be able to combine words that could describe the way you and he felt at that moment. It was acceptance, but with the pain of knowing you were compromising your morals. It was uncertainty, but not of the way you felt for each other. Hope, but with restraint as he knew to not rely on it.

“Have you ever done this? With anyone else?” he hated this side of him. The insecurity and jealousy that lingered whenever he enjoyed these moments.

“What? Laid with another man talking about how I’m okay with him being a part of an infamous group of outlaws?” You giggled but you could tell he wanted you to be serious.

“No. I’ve had silly insignificant boyfriends before in grade school, but they weren’t anything serious.” You looked at him, letting him know that this was true.

“Who?”

“What? Why does it matter? It was years ago. I don’t even think they would remember me”

“Did you love them?” You thought he was kidding but the way he asked meant he was dead serious.

“No. I’ve never had much luck with love. Like I said, they weren’t a big deal.”

He hated the thought of anyone, no matter how long ago it was, having a piece of you. He knew he was selfish, but he wanted you all to himself. This was also a side effect of the life he’d lived. _“You can’t ruin this by being too possessive of her.”_

“You?”

This question was like you hitting him in the face with a brick. It was embarrassing to admit that you also had no luck with love, and worse with women in general.

“No. Never.” He blushed excessively as you traced your fingers across his face, around his black eyebrows, his slanted grey eyes with long straight eyelashes, his thin, upturned nose, the curve of his lips.

“You’ve never had a girlfriend? Crush?” You asked with disbelief at the gorgeous pale man in front of you.

“I have been attracted to some girls I met. But they always piss me off. Or they get scared of me. But no girlfriend.”

“Feitan?” your eyes widened focusing on his red cheeks. “What are we?”

___________________________________

Author's Note:

A shorter chapter this time and I apologize! I wanted this to only focus on this scene and it's packed with a lot of emotions! It's so hard writing about a character that had so little background information to go on, but this is how I imagine him to be considering all the things he says and the little we do know about him. 

I think Feitan is full of emotion and love to give, but this is not going to be easy. It's only going to get harder from here on out! 

Thank you for enjoying this, I love writing about him. 


	13. We Meet Again

_“What are we?”_

Your question echoed in his head as he tried to bring himself to answer. He was not one to understand social relationships, for most of his life he had never even had friends or even human interaction.

“I want you to be mine. Stay mine. I want to belong to you also. No one else in between.”

“So, like your girlfriend?” you chuckled. You had this way of making an almost embarrassing moment go away completely when you drew a smile on your lips and laughed.

“Yes. I think. I don’t know so much about how that works.”

This reminded you that he had come from a very different society than yours. You still had so much to learn about who he is and how he came to be that person.

You were still on top, straddling him. You pulled his arms up next to his head and leaned in to gift him with a kiss. It started to heat up as you bit his lower lip and felt him get turned on. You pulled down the collar of his shirt a little, revealing his fair collar bones and neck. Pressing your lips onto his cool skin, you drew your lips and began to suck on it. You devoured him, his mouth, his neck, his arms.

You leaned back to reveal hickies that were much more prominent than the ones he had left you. _“His skin is so pale I could blow on it and it would bruise.”_ You smiled. Every detail of him you embraced so lovingly, and you needed more.

You slipped him out of his shirt, and as he tried to sit up to take over, you pushed him back down. You were also strong, and he was loving it.

Pulling down his pants you began to grasp his member firmly, taunting him. You finally tore whatever clothes he had on and took a second to admire his body. He was a small man but he had gorgeously toned muscles everywhere; his arms, abs, calves, and his thighs.

You quickly landed a soft kiss on the tattoo on his thigh, and he smiled when you did.

You ran your lips up, landing in between his legs. Kissing him just at the base, you let your tongue slip just a little. Your tongue slid up and just barely touched the head.

“You like this?” You teased him, knowing he was going crazy.

“Don’t fucking play with me.”

“I’m sorry that’s not good enough.” You revealed a devilish smile.

You returned to surround the tip with your warm mouth, lightly sucking on it.

“If you want more, you’re gonna need to do better.”

“Y/N…I want you so bad. I need you. Don’t tease me like this.”

“Say please.” Your eyes narrowed and waved a finger in his direction.

“Please Y/N, I’m begging you.”

You put the entire length of him in your mouth, sliding up and down as your tongue wrapped around the head when your lips arrived at the top. His dick was throbbing, he was holding back moans of pleasure as you sucked him like your life depending on it.

Continuing this for a few minutes, you could tell he was drowning in satisfaction, he was in heaven.

You paused as you hastily tore your clothes off.

It was as if something had overcome you in that moment. Your body moved by itself, without you needing to think about it. You felt yourself grow more and more elated as you began to tease him playfully, placing him right outside of you. You held tightly, rubbing his member around the entrance of your lips, taunting him.

He tried desperately to push himself inside of you, but you caught him right on time.

“No, no. Not until **I** say so.”

With your other hand, you placed a hold around his neck being careful not to press too hard as he would bruise way too easily.

In no time he had penetrated you, both of you moaning as you had held out a little too long. You rode him for a few minutes until he suddenly turned you over, and you were on your back.

He was incredibly strong, and you felt in with every stroke. Running your fingers across his back you couldn’t help leaving marks as your body radiated painful pleasure. This time he wasn’t holding back, and he was letting you know was he gripped you tightly as he pressed himself in you.

“You okay right?” he whispered softly in your ear.

“Yes. Fuck me harder”

He didn’t need to be told twice, as he pulled your legs over his shoulders and sped up, going deeper and harder as he thrusted.

You could feel all of him as you locked eyes with him. He let his lips meet yours, passionately kissing as you panted. He then made his way to your neck, leaving love bites wherever he went.

He had never felt closer to you before, he knew that as much as he loved to take control, seeing you take the reins drove him insane; and he was obsessed with the feelings. More time went on, you felt in between your legs nearly go numb but you were so wet you could feel the cold air hit against your skin.

“I’m…going to come.”

“Not inside please” you pleaded, as he had done so last time, but you didn’t want that to repeat again.

It was too late, and he finished as you gasped. This moment where you knew he belonged to you. You placed his head on your chest, and you brought your hand down to run your fingers through his hair. He was listening to your heartbeat, it was strong and fast. You were alive, unlike so many ghosts of his past.

“You need to learn how to pull out” You wanted to laugh but you were also a bit scared.

As he got up, he pulled you in for one last kiss.

“Can we…shower together?” He asked sheepishly. The fact that he was still shy to request intimacy despite having done what you just did together warmed you up inside.

“Of course.”

It surprised you that despite him being so cold he actually preferred having cold showers, even in the winter.

“I’m going to freeze!” you squealed as you turned the water to a warmer temperature.

“Why don’t you like warm water?” You asked questioned.

He suddenly sat down in the tub, wrapping his arms around his knees.

“I…I…”

You mirrored his actions and brought yourself to face him in the same position.

“Hey, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I’m still going to be here for you.” You cupped his chin in your hand affectionately and all you could see was the once quiet, strong, reserved man as human as anyone else. This did not change the way you felt about him. In fact, you respected him all the more for it.

“I’m terrified of ice. I used to get a lot of sprains when I was in sports as a kid so I was used to getting burns from the ice packs.” You tilted your head as tried to lessen the embarrassment he felt.

“Come on let’s finish showering.” You pulled him up and he grabbed you firmly, enveloping your wet body in his strong arms.

“Thank you. For accepting me.”

After playfully fighting over the temperature of the water, you decided to get out first and let him finish. He said he liked to take his time in there, and that was because he could clearly think.

“Do you know where you left my purse after you kidnapped me?” you asked as you wrapped a towel around your body.

“Living room.”

You made your way to where he had placed your purse and you began to fumble inside your bag, searching for your phone. _“I have to text Hina to let her know I’m okay. She’s probably already cursed Feitan for taking me away.”_

The door to the apartment suddenly opened, revealing a tall blonde man who was unfamiliar to you. How do you act? “ _This is probably his roommate. I should say hi but I’m_ _nearly naked!”_

“Hey! Usually, I wouldn’t be opposed to seeing a naked chick at my place, but I don’t remember you at all.”

“I um…I’m sorry I should leave.”

“You’re with Fei right?”

You began to blush like a teenager being caught by her parents.

“Go away, pervert.” The soft-spoken voice of your partner called you as he walked in.

“Feitan! Sorry, I got home early I should’ve called. Who’s this? She’s hot.” His friend never held back his tongue, even when it would enrage Feitan.

“Shutup! Go get drunk or something.” You could cut the tension in the room with a knife, but Phinks softened the atmosphere by chuckling.

“I’m Phinks, nice to meet you, what’s your name?”

“Y/N. Sorry, I should’ve said my name before.” You smiled back at him.

Feitan pulled you back into his room and threw your clothes at you.

“Put them on. Now.”

You didn’t hesitate to do so; you were freezing and that mixed with the embarrassment of being caught in a towel by his friend was making it worse.

Feitan was the first to walk out, and he led you by your hand.

“She’s my…girlfriend. Don’t touch her.”

“Yeah, I don’t feel like dying anytime soon so I wouldn’t dream of it.” He stared back into the black-haired man’s deathly glare.

“So Y/N how did you have the misfortune of running into him?” He said jokingly. Thankfully you were glad to match his humor.

“Well, he ran into me a few months ago. He stalked me until I finally gave in” you shifted your eyes to your lover, but he was not laughing at all.

“Hah! I was surprised when this one had told me that he was seeing someone. Up until this point, I was thinking it was all made up.”

He was a large man, much larger than you or Feitan.

“Very funny.” The shorter man deadpanned.

“You should lighten up a little! It would do you some good.” You teased as you poked his arm. It was rock hard, and it hurt your finger a bit. _“Ouch what the hell is he made of?_

“I like her! She makes up for what you lack in humor and stature!”

You giggled a little too loud but despite the fact that you were laughing at him, the sound of your laughter made him feel a tiny bit of joy.

“Well Y/N it was nice to meet you I got to get going. I only stopped by to pick up something, I got a lady to meet right now,” He grinned, raising his eyebrows at his serious friend.

Once again you were both completely alone again, sitting next to each other silently.

“He’s a member of the Phantom Troupe too, right?”

Silence once again surrounded the two of you, as he didn’t know what to say.

“I’m not going to tell anyone. I swear my life on it.”

“Yes. He’s #5.”

You let your head rest on the back of the couch as you gave out a sigh.

“There’s a lot more I need to learn.” You mumbled under your breath.


	14. A Sorrowful Past

The air was thick with pollution, and the heat was scorching hot. There were screams coming from an unknown location, probably some crime was being committed. Yet this was a regular day in Meteor City.

A small five-year-old boy with black hair and grey eyes sat on the floor with his knees clasped between his hands. It had been days since the last time he’d ate, and his stomach was growling painfully.

Food was scarce among the residents of this city and even harder to come by for orphans and the homeless, like little Feitan.

He began to wander the streets, searching for a crumb to eat. After walking for what seemed like hours, his tired eyes caught a man carrying a basket with food. As he neared him, he realized that he did not recognize what he had in his possession. If he ever had enough luck to eat, it was almost always stale bread.

Yet what this large, bald man was holding was fruit. Feitan would not come to know this until much later, as fresh fruits were amongst the rarest sustenance found in Meteor City.

He followed his round-bellied target and took the opportunity to swipe a red juicy apple when he turned the corner of the street. It felt cold in his hands, but he did not care as it was still food.

Unfortunately for him, the man noticed that this small child had stolen from him and enraged he began his pursuit of him.

“Hey, you filthy brat! Give that back!” he hollered as he ran down the streets after the black-haired boy.

If he would have been a well-nourished and normal child, he would’ve been able to easily escape. But he was incredibly tired and starving; weakened to the point where even a fat lazy man could best him at running.

He grabbed the child by his forearm and snatched the apple away. Still securing his grasp on him, he stared him in the eyes.

“Disgusting filth. You think I want this after you touched it?” He spat in his face and flung him on the ground. He dropped the apple, and with his right foot he crushed it, making sure it was no longer edible.

“You ever steal from me again and you’re dead you bastard.”

As the man walked away not even bothering to look back at the poor malnourished child behind him, the boy reached out and scraped whatever was left of the squashed apple, mixed with the dirt of the floor.

He cried as he ate the pitiful excuse of fruit, and this was all he’d ever know. His only way to survive was to steal and hide. There were so many children like him here that no one ever bothered to help them. They were pests, the same as rats to the people of this place.

As the night got colder, he would wrap himself in a blanket he had hidden in a hole behind a crate, stuck in the alley. He would lay there and pretend he was sleeping in a warm bed, with as much food to go around. His feet wouldn’t ache because he had shoes, and his clothes were always clean and mended.

“I don’t blame you… for dying mommy. T-this life is very hard. I just hope I-I get. To see you again. One day.”

* * *

“Feitan! Feitan!” You whispered as the man was trembling in his sleep, your hand placed on his shoulder.

“It’s okay. I don’t know what kind of nightmare you’re having but I hope you can hear me. I’m right here.”

He shifted from sleeping on his side to being face up. His eyes began to slowly open. It took a second for him to see you laying next to him, looking slightly concerned.

“Why is there a beautiful woman…on my bed?” He softly smiled and you quickly did the same and ran your fingers through his hair.

“Were you having a nightmare?”

“I don’t dream. Not usually. But when I do. They are mostly bad.” He said as he lowered his eyes.

“Do you mind telling me what they’re about?” you laid on your back, staring up at the dark ceiling.

It had been a week or so since you found out that Feitan, the man you were now dating was a member of the infamous gang of thieves called the Phantom Troupe. The decision to look beyond that was once that surprised you. It went against everything you had learned growing up, and the beliefs you held. Yet the small part of you who longed to wildly wander the world and go on reckless adventures knew that this was the man you wanted.

It took some convincing and a dozen donuts to persuade Hina that he wasn’t a bad guy (well, not in that sense), and after he reluctantly apologized to your periwinkle-haired friend, she settled the score by holding you captive for 2 days so she could force you to watch a movie marathon with her. This drove Feitan crazy, but you reassured him you would be okay. He stopped by the outside of Hina’s apartment building just to make sure you were safe.

The hardest part of this last week was this moment in time when your lover recounted his memories from his childhood.

You tried your absolute hardest to hold back your tears. _“Don’t cry, it would only make him feel worse.”_ But you were terrible at this, and your face was soon damp with tears.

“Why do you cry?” It was hard for him to understand why you did. Sympathy was not something he had easily learned. Why would anyone ever feel sorry for him?

“I’m sorry it’s just that-“ you were getting choked up and it was hard to speak.

“No one, especially not a child, deserves to go through that. If I would’ve known you, I would’ve given you my school lunch every day and stolen from my kitchen to feed you!”

“Nothing can change my past.” His grim declaration hit you hard, as it was the truth.

“But I can try to help with how you feel, let me try.”

You placed your hand softly on his cheek and radiated aura onto him. He suddenly felt peace and tranquility overcome him all at once.

“What…what is this?”

You felt your heart race faster as you brought your hands closer to you.

“It’s an ability of mine…”

Your whole life, you had always been a curious and adventurous person. You had dreamed of being an explorer or adventurer, to travel the world and meet new faces. It was your mother who constantly reminded you that it was safer to just go to college. Right after you graduated from school, you ran off to take the hunter exam against your mother’s wishes.

After successfully passing the Hunter Exam you encountered an old man, who taught you nen. After learning that you were a specialist, you trained your hardest to be a good fighter. You wanted more than anything to put your skills to use and to do good with them.

_It was the first adventure since learning nen and passing the exam that you would embark on. After two days, you came across a young man, no older than you were. He had unpleasant intentions with you, as he was there to steal from and possibly kill anyone in his way._

_The driving force, the fuel behind your aura were your emotions. Using them, you could change or transfer feelings to whoever you touched, be it negative or positive. You could also transfer physical properties to objects as long as you touched them. The major drawback in this was that the more time you used this, the more mentally unstable you would temporarily become._

_You began the fight with the intention of scaring him off and defending yourself. After passing on the feeling of fear and turning his knife to the consistency of foam, he began to panic. Trying to outdo you in a physical fight, your mind became filled with the intense emotion of bloodlust and anger. He was trying to kill you, and this brought you over the edge._

_Without meaning to, you had frightened this man to the brink of insanity. As he sat furiously covering his ears, sitting on his knees rocking back and forth you stabbed the same knife he had tried to use on you, into his back._

_After awakening from this moment of rage, you realized what stood in front of you. You had never imagined that your powers, used to the fullest of its ability, could destroy the mental state of an opponent along with yours._

_The man did not die, but he was left paralyzed and his mind never recovered. You were filled with immeasurable guilt and sorrow, as you couldn’t stop yourself from doing this. “I’m dangerous, I can’t control myself. I could never use my ability like this.” Sobbing in the corner of the small hospital after being informed of the condition of the man._

_After that, you returned home and vowed to live your life the way your mother had laid out for you, as you felt that you trying to do things your way led to this mistake. You occasionally used the emotional transfer ability to benefit others but looked for a job where you wouldn’t have to do any fighting._

Your ebony-haired lover sat in front of you in disbelief. You felt the tension and knew what would happen next. Bracing yourself, you drew in a sigh.

He paused as he let this revelation hit him. _“If she’s able to trick anyone’s emotions just by touching them, it could be the only explanation for why I grew feelings so quickly and deep. I knew it was strange, I could never feel this away about anyone.”_

“You…do this? A transmuter? You can use your aura to deliver fake emotions?” He asked, his tone slowly growing angrier.

“Not exactly Feitan I-“

How could it be that this man was so involved in his affection for you just a few minutes ago and now he was abruptly rejecting you? He left himself be overcome by the one emotion that he could not control-anger. Instead of hearing out the woman who genuinely cared for him and he had naturally grown fond of, he shut you out, refusing to believe that you didn’t alter his emotions to make him feel like this. _“I knew it. I knew I hadn’t gotten soft.”_

“Is this what you’ve done to make me feel like this?! You. This is why it felt wrong. Why I knew something was wrong about you! Since the beginning! You placed these feelings in me. You are a witch!” He spat, evolving his rage.

It was never easy for anyone to understand your abilities, the main reason why you never used them in the first place. It was natural for one to be under the suspicion that you could use this to your advantage.

Yet Feitan was wrong, so wrong. The feelings he felt were completely of his own accord that had developed naturally. Only you knew that this was true. Despite you desperately trying to explain this, he couldn’t believe you.

“No! I swear I never have use-“

“Shut up! You think I’ll believe anything you say now?”

“Feitan no! Please!” You felt the world around you fall apart. It was unbelievable to you that he could so easily discredit the way you two felt about each other.

It was simpler for him to assume that this was the reason why you felt so strongly about you. A woman who had the ability to persuade and dissuade anyone with just her touch? Who would transfer attraction, lust, love? All this was possible, but you had never used this on him before. He convinced himself this was the truth and locked himself in this place of rejection.

“You…you are a liar. I should have never trusted you.” He quickly got up and began to make his way out of your place.

You tried to match his pace, running out the door, down the stairs and into the street coming face to face with him right before he turned the corner.

“Come back, please! Hear me out!” you pleaded, but your cry fell on deaf ears. 

“You ever come near me again I will kill you.”


	15. A Painful Absence

_“I should’ve never shown him who I was. But I just couldn’t stand seeing him feel that way, it was breaking my heart. I only wanted to help….”_

You lay on the floor in disbelief. You imagined he would be a bit frightened about it but enough to threaten you and walk out?

As you began to make your way back home you shivered at the promise he made _“You ever come near me again I will kill you.”_

“It’s not fair. I have accepted every part of him! He’s a murderer, thief, and a criminal but he couldn’t understand me. But going as far as to accuse me of bewitching him with my ability-it’s the worst thing he’s done.” You said in between tears.

Everything happened so quickly, you barely had a chance to catch up with your sentiments. You could almost feel as if it were all a dream. As if you would wake up and you would be in his arms again. Your eyes began to water and try as you might, you couldn’t hold back anymore.

Hands shaking, you felt yourself fall into your bed. Tears streamed freely down your face.

“I don’t understand…I gave everything I could…and it still wasn’t enough.”

Memories of the past few months flooded you instantly, your mind was cruel and unforgiving. You wished so deeply for him to come back or just call you, but hours passed and his absence became more permanent. You felt anger, betrayal, rejection. It was the fear that he would go through with such a threat that prevented you from following him or reaching out.

“How could he ever say he cared if he would think about hurting me.”

You were once again, completely alone. It had been a whirlwind romance, but you knew more than anyone that the feelings you felt were genuine and true. You had never used your power to deceive him into caring for you.

“Is he really that broken that he can’t accept the way he feels is normal?”

And there you were, lying motionless on your bed staring at the ceiling above. Your shirt began to dampen with tears. As much as you hated the ability you held, you wanted more than anything to be able to use it on yourself at this specific moment.

* * *

In the ten days that had gone by, you had shifted back to the mundane rhythm of life. Everything was almost the same, with the exception of the empty feeling in your heart. The lack of his soothing and soft-spoken voice, your late-night phone calls, the heat you shared when making love, it all stung.

You had been working exclusively directly under Cheadle during this time, so you did not have a chance to see your friend at work. You had also been ignoring all her phone calls, text messages, and voicemails. It felt selfish, but you couldn’t bring yourself to tell her what had gone down between you and Feitan. The thought of reliving those moments was enough to nearly bring you to tears.

You had been called into your boss’s office. You fiddled with your fingers nervously as you approached her. You still had under-eye bags from crying so frequently, and your hair had been messily thrown in a bun. It was rare for you to look this way.

“Ms. L/N, please come in.” Cheadle was standing behind her desk, scanning a document on the machine in front of her.

“Thank you for taking the time out of your day to come and see me. I’ll try to make this short that way you can go back to work.”

She finished with the paperwork and placed it in a folder. She was always meticulous with files and important documents.

“We need you to collect a very important viral sample. It’s located at a remote village about a 2 day’s journey from here. There have been reports of an outbreak in the area, although sources speculate it could be water-borne. Still, we must ask you to take as many precautions as needed. We must handle this with caution, as this is a task we can only entrust to a pro hunter like you.”

You stood in front of the doorway nodding your head as she spoke.

“Since it is remote, there aren’t many ways to get there by car. Things in the world are changing and we must make sure that this sample does not get into the wrong hands. Some criminals are looking at using biological weapons. Since you are a trained Nen user you should be fine making the trip by yourself. We can’t afford to bring more attention to ourselves by sending an entire entourage with you.”

As you let your mind process the information, you suddenly froze.

“Ms. Yorkshire, I’m thankful for the opportunity. I just…it’s been a while since I last used my abilities.” This was mostly true; you hadn’t kept up with training as you should in fear that you could grow more out of control.

Raising an eyebrow, she sat down in her chair. “What’s going on? Is there something you’d like to tell me?”

A brief paused followed her question as you contemplated telling her the truth or lying and trying to put it behind you once again.

“Yes, I am a Nen user. I went through quite a bit of training. The issue is that I am afraid to use my abilities to their full potential because I lack control. It’s a downfall of mine, the more I use it, the less I can manipulate it effectively.” You lowered your head in disappointment. The last few days had been especially painful, as you had grown to resent yourself even more for the rejection you faced.

“Y/N, you’re incredibly young. There are many skilled Hunters who took years of training to hone their skills enough to control their aura and abilities. You are not alone but you can’t expect to ever overcome this problem if you never try hard enough and accept your powers completely.”

Your green-haired mentor was right. You had to keep training instead of letting your guilt and fear paralyze you. You once again nodded in appreciation.

“I don’t think you would’ve made it this far without being capable of handling situations and problems in front of you. I trust you will be able to carry out this assignment successfully.”

“Thank you, Ms. Yorkshire. Your praise is something I appreciate greatly.”

As your day went on, you kept thinking about how you should’ve never stopped trying to control your powers, instead of hiding and suppressing them.

_“I’m still afraid, but I have to try again. If there are others who can do it, so can I.”_

Your phone kept buzzing in your pocket. When you reached to grab it, although you knew it wouldn’t be _him_ , you still felt disappointed when you saw it wasn’t.

Answering the phone as you got yourself ready to leave, you took a deep breath and said, “Hey dad, how are you?”

“Y/N! Sweetie, it’s been a long time since we last spoke. I hope you weren’t too worried about my whereabouts.”

It had been a month or so since you last spoke to your dad. He was always traveling, exploring new heights, and doing exactly what you always dreamed of.

“I was wondering when you would call. You’re always stuck in places with little to no cell phone reception. How are you?”

“Great! Listen, I’ll be making my way out of Padokea soon. I hope to see you while I pass through Yorbia. It would be in a few weeks.”

“Oh yeah, Dad that sounds great. I can’t wait to see you.”

“Alright kid, I gotta go! See you soon!”

Your dad abruptly cut off the call. For the first time in ten days, you let a smile form from your lips. You were reminded of where you got the spontaneous and care-free side of you.

As you began your walk back to your place, you felt a chill run down your spine as you remembered the few times he had ambushed you right outside the doors. You hated that every time you would forget about him for just a few seconds, the pain from intrusive memories would hit you hard.

You could see the outside of your apartment building, and your heart skipped a beat when you saw a shadowy figure standing outside.

“YOU! I’ve been calling you nonstop for almost two weeks and you don’t have the decency to at least text me back and let me know that you’re okay?!” Your heart sank at the sight of your periwinkle-headed friend.

_“Wow ain’t I popular today?”_ you jokingly thought to yourself.

“Hina-“ you softly called out to her.

“Don’t you dare ‘HINA’ me! What the hell has been going on with you! It’s like I can’t keep up with you anymore!”

She angrily followed you to your door, blabbing on about how you could’ve just called her.

“Alright, no more beating around the bush! I’m tired of having to force information out of you just to get you to tell me what you’re going through!”

She paused momentarily waiting for you to open up. You finally gave and drew a long sigh.

“I showed him my nen ability. I used it briefly on him, and he took it the wrong way. He left and I haven’t seen him since.”

Your friend had been taken aback at how easy it was for you to spill the beans this time. She had thought you would put up a bigger fight.

“What? Is he an idiot or something?”

You shrugged your shoulders and let out a woeful sigh. “He thinks I had been using it to make him like me.”

For the first time in five minutes, Hina was silent. Her mind was brewing in anger as she thought how ridiculously insane someone would have to be to hurt you like that.

“Just like that? He didn’t give you a chance to explain yourself?” Your friend was furious but more than anything she felt pain for you. You were the most accepting person she had ever known. She knew anyone would be lucky to have you.

“No. He threatened me if I ever went near him again.” You could clearly hear the pain in your voice. Your eyes shifted towards the bookshelf next to the entrance of your apartment. You imagined him standing there snooping through your books and your life. Just one more time, you longed for him to be there and intrude.

Without warning, Hina grabbed your phone from the table and scrolled through your pictures. Finding the location tag she was looking for, she took a picture of the map with her phone.

“Hina what are you doing?” your trance was suddenly broken.

Putting your phone down, she placed it back where it had originally laid and picked up her purse from your couch.

“I’m leaving now. I just wanted to make sure you hadn’t been kidnapped or anything, but I still haven’t forgiven you for going AWOL on me. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Wait- don’t you want to stay and watch your show?”

“I’m tired. Plus, I have somewhere to be.”

Your friend had always been dramatic and emotional. Once she had made her mind, there was no one, not even you, who could change it. She actually had someplace to be, but you wouldn’t be happy if you knew.

* * *

Author's Note:

I hope you guys enjoyed this new chapter! I already have so many more in the works for you all to enjoy. I wanted to ask you, do you prefer the chapter length that they're at now or longer chapters? Please comment to let me know. I have a lot of content for the next chapters and I'm trying to figure out what you all like best. 

Stay tuned for the next chapter coming very soon!

-Love, 

Olive 


	16. A Not So Lonely Journey

Phinks had grown irritated at his friend in the last few days. Sure, he was usually gloomy and occasionally in a bad mood, but he had never seen him this way in the years he had known him. Feitan had barely left his room. He kept it locked and wouldn’t reply to his friend’s worried questions. If it hadn’t been for the noise of him using the shower for long periods of time, he would’ve assumed he was dead.

Knocking loudly at his door, Phinks called out “Oi! Open the door!”

A few seconds of silence made the blonde even angrier. He knocked again.

“No.” a soft voice said.

The tall man began to crank his arm “Alright, you give me no choice.”

After a couple turns, he smashed his fist into the wooden opening, pulverizing the entire thing. Inside was a small black-haired man, sitting on his bed with his head lowered and in between his hands.

“What the fuck is wrong with you? You’ve been acting insane lately, not that you’re sound of mind, but something really must’ve ticked you off.”

“Get. Out.” Feitan mumbled.

“Hey man, I’m just trying to help.” Phinks walked away, stepping over the wooden fragments on the floor.

Silence filled the air as the tall blonde knew something was wrong.

“She- she wasn’t who I thought she was.”

Turning around, Phinks saw the small man, wearing black sweatpants and a dark grey long sleeve shirt.

“What do you mean?”

“Her ability. Is to change other’s feelings. She tricked me. I almost…I almost lov-“

A loud banging on the door diverted their attention.

“You get that I’m not expecting company so it must be for you.”

Feitan reluctantly opened the entrance. They were both powerful fighters so they never cared for being cautious of who visited them. 

The door swung open, revealing an enraged woman.

“Who the fuck is thi-“ The blonde brute questioned but was immediately interrupted.

“You shut up! My beef isn’t with you!” Phinks raised his hands, trying to let her know he wouldn’t get in her way. “it’s with this midget!” she pointed at the unamused black-haired man.

“I hate that we have to meet this way but I’m not going to sit around and let anyone misjudge Y/N. I’m going to make one thing _very_ clear. I don’t like you, at all. The only reason why I tolerated you is because you made her happy, but I came here to clear a few things up.”

Phinks stared at Feitan, trying hard not to laugh as he found it hilarious that a woman was standing there scolding the notorious torturer.

“I can’t believe I have to come here to explain this to you, but Y/N wouldn’t do so, and that’s why she has me.”

The tension in the room was rising as all the ebony-haired man did was stare at the loud and furious woman in front of him.

“First of all, her ability is something she rarely if ever uses, and whenever she does, she does so reluctantly. I had to beg her to use it on me to help me forget some heartbreak. Second, the effects wear off after a while, it isn’t permanent. Even if she did use her powers on you, which she _didn’t,_ whatever’s there after some time is the way you really feel. Lastly, she can’t use it on herself. She cares for you tremendously, too much I’d say. That’s all real. I had to let you know because I won’t have her crying over some emo boy who’s too dense to see what’s right in front of him.”

And with that, she proudly turned around and left. Not a single word escaped either men’s mouths for the next few minutes.

“That was the most terrifying thing I’ve seen in a while” the blonde chuckled but his friend shot a deathly glare at him.

Could it be true? Did he just jump to conclusions? If her annoying friend was right, how would he ever try to ask you for forgiveness? _“I didn’t even let her explain herself. I could’ve just heard her out, but I let my anger get the better of me, like always.”_

“What are you gonna do Fei?” Phinks asked, trying hard to determine what he was thinking based on the sour expression on his face.

“Tch.” Was the only thing the short man let leave his lips.

* * *

As you stared outside the window of the bus you were sitting in, you saw people living their lives as normally and peacefully as they could. Children running around playing games and throwing balls, a woman strolling with her baby, an elderly man walking back home from the grocery store. Just normal people in a normal world.

You were a few hours into the journey to fulfill your mission. It had been a day since your friend stormed out of your place. You had a feeling she would possibly try to reach out to Feitan but at this point, you didn’t care. You were still in so much pain that you began to resent him for leaving you.

After the bus came to a halt, you quickly got out of your seat and exited. _“Which way do I have to go again?”_ you searched your pockets for a map that had been given to you before leaving.

“Excuse me, young lady, are you looking for directions?” A short white-haired old man approached you waving his hand out.

“Oh yes, I would very much appreciate that.” You replied.

“Where you going?”

“I’m headed to Lurelin Village. Would you happen to know how I could get there?”

“Hmm…Oh yes” the old man turned to his left and pointed at a dirt road placed in next to a forest. “If you take that trail and stay straight for a few hours you’ll get to where you want to go.”

You glanced at the road and smiled at the friendly local.

“Thank you, sir. Have a nice day.” You nodded at him.

You began to make your way to the trail, feeling a cold breeze hit you. Your hair was twirling in the wind, so you tied it up to keep it out of your face. It would be a long walk to your destination, so you braced yourself for the chilly walk.

* * *

One of the words that Feitan’s poor victims would use to describe him was literal hell. Yet for the past day or so, he was actually _in_ hell. The truth was that no matter how skilled of a torturer he was, he was way better at torturing himself.

Try as he might, he could no longer run away from his thoughts and guilt. _“Was I wrong? Did I jump to conclusions? Did I assume she was deceiving me because it was easier than understanding my true feelings?_

He lay face up, his grey eyes staring meaninglessly into the ceiling. He was suddenly reminded of the silly game you had played with him a few times.

“Fuck. Why does…everything…remind me of her?”

_“Even if she did use her powers on you, whatever’s there after some time is the way you really feel”_

How did he really feel? Helpless, stupid, and small and more than anything, confused. He rolled over on his bed, letting his head hang off the side. As he looked down on the floor, he noticed a singular scrunchy hidden in the corner between the bed and the nightstand.

He let his fingers run through the texture of the fabric. It was mauve pink, the color looked so good on you. He held your hair accessory in his fist, and he sighed deeply. So many feelings he could not yet discern flooded his instantly. His heart felt raw, like an open wound that could not heal.

“I…need to see her…I need to talk to her.”

* * *

Hina had been lazily watching a movie on her day off, laying on her bed eating chips when she heard a loud knocking on her front door.

“Who the hell? It can’t be Y/N, she’s out of town.”

As she hastily put some sweatpants on, she grabbed one last chip from the bag before running towards the entrance of her apartment.

She peeked through her door hole to see a hooded man looking to his right.

“Who is it?” she called out loudly, hesitant to open the door.

“Where is she?” he was not a man who enjoyed greetings or small talk, he wanted to get straight to the point.

_“Oh it’s emo boy. Ugh.”_

“What the hell do _you_ want?”

“Not here to play games. Where is she?” Feitan had little patience for people like Hina, and anyone could tell he wasn’t in a good mood.

“She’s not here if that’s what you’re wondering.” She snapped.

“I can’t hear you!” he was growing more impatient by the second.

The periwinkle-haired woman slowly opened the door, being cautious to leave the door chain locked. She could only open it a few inches, but it was enough for him to hear her better.

“I said she’s not here.” She repeated.

“Where is she! She is not at her place. I broke in. No one is there.” He growled.

“Well ignoring the fact that you trespassed on her property, she’s out of town.” Hina just wanted him to leave so she could go back to her movie.

“Where?”

“I don’t know, someplace called Lurelin? Somewhere East.” She deadpanned.

His eyes shifted to his right as he began to wonder why you would even be there in the first place.

“Is she alone?” his tone had moved from annoyed and angry to concerned.

“I’m not sure. She didn’t mention going with anyone so it’s possible that she is.”

With that, Feitan swiftly began to walk away. After taking a few steps, the footsteps came to a halt as he turned around and without letting his eyes leave the floor he let out a soft “thank you.”

* * *

You had been walking for hours, and while your feet began to tire you knew you could go on for longer. The scenery had changed a few times, going from being surrounded by coniferous trees to just shrubs and flower fields. The crunching sound your feet made when walking on the unpaved road became a monotonous beat in your head. You hadn’t encountered a single person on your walk, and it was beginning to look like you probably wouldn’t for the rest of the journey.

The atmosphere around you quickly turned from calm and peaceful to one of tension and could it be- mischief?

Your eyes had been locked on the ground, staring at the pebbles on the floor as you moved forward. Lifting your head upwards, you were met with a tall, pale man with a full head of crazy crimson hair. His amber eyes were slanted, and his lips drew a cunning smile.

_“Where did he come from? I would’ve seen him or sensed him coming. Did he use **In**_ _to conceal his presence? This is probably not good.”_

“Well, I didn’t expect to come across anyone so soon. I’ve been sooooo lonely.” He cooed, brushing his hair back with his right hand.

_“Have I seen him before? Do I know him? No that can’t be, I would remember. Still, why does he look so familiar?”_ your heat began to beat quickly as you could feel the bloodlust in his aura.

“I’m incredibly bored! Why don’t we have some fun, you look like you could use it!” His tone was oddly cheery but the grin he made was dastardly.

_“This isn’t going to end well.”_

* * *

Author's Note:

There's a lot more coming! I can't wait for you all to read it. I wanted to thank you all for the comments and likes. It warms my heart to know that there are people who like this story, I work hard on this to give one of my favorite characters the life he deserves. I wanted to thank my best friend M who convinced me to write this. She believed I could, so I did. Without her, I wouldn't have written this and put this out there she is my Hina. Stay tuned for more!

Love,

Olive


	17. A Lurking Shadow

“Well, what do you say? I’m _dying_ for some action right now!” the strange tall man asked.

You had been silent, not giving a reply as the familiar-looking man in front of you magically pulled an ace of spades from his left sleeve.

_“I know I’ve seen this before. I’ve seen him before. The cards…OH….he’s the guy from Heaven’s Arena. FUCK!”_ In the 2 seconds, after he revealed his card, your mind was working incredibly fast to put the pieces together. You had never had the misfortune of running into him in person however, his fights at Heaven’s Arena were all broadcasting internationally with a huge media presence around them. _“He’s incredibly skilled and a strong fighter. I’m no match for him. Yet his bloodlust…he’s looking for a fight for the hell of it.”_

“What do you want from me?” you tried so hard to calm yourself, you didn’t want to let him know how scared you were.

“Oh, just a friendly dual! I’ve been itching for a battle!”

What kind of person actively seeks out a fight for the thrill of it? Not for stealing or for honor, just because he feels like it?

“Looks like I don’t have a choice.” You mumbled, bracing yourself for what would come next. “ _If I remember correctly, he’s a transmuter. He’s really fast. I need to be careful.”_

The tall magician jumped back a few steps, growing some distance between you two. Your eyes darted, watching his every graceful move. Without warning, the card in his hand flew at the speed of light towards you but you were lucky enough to catch it with your left hand and as soon as it touched your skin, it folded over. You had neutralized what was once a steel-hard card into felt.

“Hmm…I haven’t met many people who could catch my cards like that! This is going to be fun!” He purred as he darted in your direction. His best long-distance offensive measure was his cards, and he wanted to see how well you fared in close combat.

_“When I watched him fight he killed nearly all his opponents…the Hisoka guy-“_ your thoughts were brief, but enough to help you focus. The man in front of you could kill you instantly if you let down your guard.

Reaching for the dagger concealed under your coat he threw another card, this one headed for your neck. The blade sliced through it like butter, but before you had time to think the clown was now inches away from you. He didn’t hesitate to reach for a right swing, but you quickly blocked him with your forearm.

It had been ages since you last fought, but luckily your forte was close combat. _“I have to neutralize his bloodlust, it’s the only way I’ll survive.”_

You continued to evade his attacks, dodging in the nick of time to avoid his blows and matching his speed. _“I can’t keep this up for long, he’s got me beat in stamina and strength. I have to do it NOW.”_

Waiting until he reached for another punch you quickly grasped his wrist. This wasn’t enough force to stop him from hitting you right in the chin. You had sacrificed this blow so you could let your hand touch him. The hit was enough to send you flying and crashing into the shrub and dirt behind you.

As you began to stand up, the crimson-haired man curiously stared at his hands. The air around you suddenly felt different. You knew the change was due to his bloodlust being quenched.

“Hmm, how interesting. I no longer feel the urge to kill or even fight you! To be honest I was going to spare your life. I see _potential_ in you. Did you do this? Interesting!” He smirked as he watched you bring yourself up.

You were lucky you were able to quell his need to battle but he had dealt more damage to your pride than your face. _“What an arrogant man”_ the thought pounded in your head.

As he twirled around to make his leave you felt a sudden urge to speak.

“Is that how you determine someone’s worth? By their potential? Who are you to play God?” you were standing, your hand rubbing the wound he had landed on your jaw.

“Careful now, don’t make me regret sparing you, little girl.” He retorted, giving you a glare as he turned his head.

“How many people have you killed just for the fun of it? Just because you felt they weren’t worthy of living based on your standards?” you were angry that he could be so arrogant and have such a disregard for human life.

It was half a second before Hisoka pinned you against a tree, holding both your arms securely in his strong grip. You barely had the chance to catch your breath. You could see the shine in his amber eyes. This man was a killer, just like Feitan but unlike the black-haired man, you could see the malice in his eyes. He leaned into your ear and whispered, “Oh you’ve got quite the mouth on you don’t you!”

You turned your head to the side and flinched, closing your eyes. He let go of one of your arms, but quickly placed his knee right under your leg, ensuring you couldn’t move.

“Tell me what you were saying earlier! You know since you’re soooooo brave!” he cooed tauntingly.

His breath smelled like bubble gum and his hands felt oddly warm against your skin. He smiled devilishly as he watched you fight his grip.

_“There’s no way I’m getting out of this unscathed.”_

Feeling hopeless you gave out a sigh. You could feel yourself trembling under Hisoka’s hold, as much you tried to remain calm.

In a split second, you heard a loud swoosh coming from somewhere and the red-haired man let out a muffled grunt. When you opened your eyes, you saw a sword lodged in Hisoka’s hand, pinning it against the tree.

“Get the fuck away from her.”

Your eyes widened when you heard the familiar soft-spoken voice. You knew exactly who it belonged to. _“Could it be?”_

Standing 10 feet away from you trapped against a tree and the magician was none other than the ebony-haired man your heart longed for.

Hisoka released you, letting you fall to the ground, as he focused on removing the blade from his hand.

“Well, this is no good. This makes me angry.” His amber eyes did not move from his hand as he tossed the sword back to Feitan.

“Lucky for you, I want to save myself the trouble of fighting you until I kill your boss!” he chimed, grinning from ear to ear.

While his hand was clearly wounded, not much blood could be seen.

 _“is he even human?”_ you stared in disbelief.

  
“Leave Hisoka” Feitan growled as he began to walk closer to you.

“Do you know each other?” you asked.

“Well, we are well acquainted! But you know that monologue you gave me earlier is beginning to sound hypocritical if you hang around the likes of him!” the tall man waved his hand at the angry shorter man.

As grateful as you were that Feitan had saved you from whatever Hisoka had planned to do with you, his threat still echoed in your mind. _“You ever come near me again I will kill you.”_

What was he doing here? How had he found you? You never expected him to find you here of all places. Why would he come looking for you if he hated you?

“If you all don’t mind, I’ll be taking my leave now, I’m not really in the mood for idle chit chat! It was lovely meeting you!” He turned to look at you, grinning slightly. “Bye!”

A fog suddenly lifted around you, and as it quickly dissipated the crimson-haired magician was gone.

You still lay under the tree, grasping your knees with your arms.

You heard footsteps approaching you, and a pale hand reached for yours.

“Why are you here Feitan.” You muttered as you shook the dirt off your pants.

“I saved you…from that idiot…should go after him…Hisoka that bastard.”

You stared at him with an empty expression on your face not realizing that the lack of your warm and cheerful smile pained him.

“Yes, you did thank you. How did you find me?”

The pale man next to you stayed silent, and a chilly breeze brushed against you.

What should he say? Not even two weeks ago he had walked out on you promising you death if you ever tried to approach him, and now he was here with you, on a path to a remote part of the countryside with no explanation as to why.

“Okay well, I’ll be on my way now.”

There was so much tension in the air you could easily cut it with your knife. A remorseful man who had a terrible way with words and a proud and wounded woman were not a good match at the moment. There was so much he had to say but he couldn’t bring himself to spill it, and you were in no mood to listen to him, no matter how much you missed him.

“Y/N.” he called out, raising his voice slightly to make sure you heard him over the loud intense howling of the wind. “Let me talk.”

“No. I need to get going or I won’t make it on time.”

_“Why do you have to be so proud? Maybe there’s something he’ll tell you that you want to hear.”_ You were fighting with yourself. A part of you wanted to turn around and run into his arms, and the other wanted to walk away and not look back.

Instead of answering, Feitan followed you patiently for the rest of your journey. He treaded 5 feet behind you at all times. There were times where you thought maybe he had given up, but he was always behind you, watching you walk in front of him.

It was the middle of winter and some snowflakes began to fall, getting caught in his ebony hair.

“Why are you following me?!” you questioned with a slightly annoyed tone but in reality, you were glad he was.

“That fool could come back.”

_“Fair enough.”_ You didn’t want to run into Hisoka again, especially not alone.

Silence accompanied you both for the rest of the trip. It was getting darker out so the wind began to drop in temperature, and you could start to feel your body ache from the walk and the encounter with the magician.

After thirty more minutes, you could see lights in the distance. _“Almost there.”_ You thought to yourself. You picked up the pace and braced yourself for the cold air hitting your face.

The lights from the lampposts surrounding the town were a warm yellow color, and it made you long for the warmth of Feitan’s arms.

There were about forty houses in the vicinity. For the most part, there were no people outside. It was strangely quiet even for a village. Your instructions said to enter the inn adjacent to the town square. Making your way across the cobblestone street that now covered the ground you heard quiet footsteps behind you. _“He’s still following me”_

As you entered the large wooden door under the sign that read “Inn”, the bell tied to the door went off and it summoned a small older woman with long blonde hair.

“How can I help you?” she asked as she dusted her hands on her apron.

“Hi, I was sent by Ms. Yorkshire and the lab in Yorknew City,” you said as you dug through your bag for your badge for verification.

“Y/N? Oh yes please come with me.” The lady motioned you to follow her.

You followed her back outside, and she quickly paced through the streets. After walking for a few minutes you found yourself in front of a door hidden on the side in between two buildings. 

“It would be hard to find as someone unfamiliar to Lurelin as you two.” She hummed and knocked on the door firmly twice.

_“You two? Oh I forgot about my stalker behind me.”_ You thought as you threw a quick look behind. 

Your follower was close behind you, with his hand tucked into his black coat and his face nestled in a scarf. His skin was even paler than usual, but it contrasted with his nose that was a bit rosy; probably due to the cold.

“Who is it?!” a deep stern voice called from the inside.

“It’s Lucinda! These two young Hunters are here from the city to collect the package!” _“Actually Miss he’s not a hunter. He’s a member of the notorious Phantom Troupe.”_ You playfully mused in your head.

“Not so loud old lady someone could hear you!” the door quickly unlocked with a THUD and the warm gust of air that came from within brushed against your face.

“Oh, Doctor you’re always so paranoid.”

Before you shut the door behind you the lady made sure to grab your arm and say “It’s cold and dark out now, if you two need somewhere to stay we have a room available at my inn!”

“Thank you, ma’am.” You replied. She closed the door behind her and left you, Feitan, and the paranoid doctor alone in the small room surrounded by messily laid paperwork and stacks of boxes.

“Who’s this? They said only one would come!” the man huffed, crossing his arms.

“Uh, he’s here for…”

“Protection. Bad people out there.” Feitan finished the sentence for you.

_“Like I need him. Who does he think he is dumping me and then acting like I need to be protected?!”_

“Anyway sir, I’m here to collect the sample.” You tried to push your thoughts away, now wasn’t the time for thinking about your daunting personal life.

“Ahh, yes…this thing.” He rotated on his chair and crouched to pull a drawer next to him. He raised his hands to reveal a small case which he opened. Inside were three vials each labeled adequately.

He closed the case and extended it out to you.

“Make sure this thing doesn’t get into the wrong hands kid!” He raised his eyebrows enough that his glasses fell down the bridge of his nose.

“Of course, sir. Do you have the case report also?”

He reached for a sealed manila envelope on his desk and flung it at you.

“Now get out I have work to do!”

“Thank you.” You let out right before you shut the door.

Now outside you opened your bag to place the case and envelope in there.

“You do not have to be nice to mean people.” A soft voice spoke out.

“Oh you’re still here?” you pretended that you were ignoring him.

“Yes. Learn to be meaner.”

“Oh, I can be mean. At least I don’t throw people away whenever it’s convenient.” You snapped your bag closed and swung up, turning the corner on the street.

_“I actually like this feistier side of her. It hurts when she snaps at me, but I knew that this wasn’t going to be easy.”_

“Hello Mrs. Lucinda?” you greeted the blonde lady leaning on the counter.

“Yes dear! How can I help you?”

“I’ll have to take you up on your offer, it’s nearly 8 pm and I’d like to rest and return home tomorrow.”

“Yes of course! Is he your coworker?” Lucinda asked as she turned around to grab a key hanging on the wall behind her.

“Uh no…” you replied awkwardly.

“Oh! Your husband, I’m so sorry.” She placed the room key in front of her and gave a cheerful smile.

“Yes.” Feitan declared, grabbing the key on the counter.

* * *

Author's Note:

Hello to all my amazing readers! I wanted to let you all know that in addition to this story, I am also writing a story of Feitan and the Phantom Troupe's backstory. I will be posting the link below if you want to read it! See you soon for a new update for this series!

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/27012847/chapters/65943208>


	18. A Few Too Many Apologies

_“Like hell he is! He’s crazy!”_ you protested silently, giving an astonished look at the woman in front of you. 

“Uh actually-“ before you had a chance to fight back the black-haired man grabbed you by your arm and walked you upstairs.

“Hey let me go! I don’t want to share a room with you!” you spat.

“No. That stupid clown could come back… and kill you in your sleep.” He stopped at the door and turned the key.

“I’m starting to think you’re using that poor man as an excuse”

“Hisoka? Poor? Yeah right.”

Feitan had always despised Hisoka. Even when he was still masquerading as a Phantom Troupe member, the black-hair man never let down his guard. He hated him even more now that he had seen him pinning you against a tree. _“I don’t want to know what he would’ve done if I didn’t come on time.”_

“How do you know him?”

What should he say? The truth? That Hisoka was a killer, thief, villain, traitor? Oh, wait he was all those things too, except the traitor part.

“He **was** a member of the Troupe.”

“Was? Did he get fired or something?” you were once again becoming entangled in the curiosity that he always awoke in you.

“Hah well…he betrayed us. Lied. Traitor.” He chuckled softly, sitting down on the warm bed.

“Feitan…why did you come to find me?” This was the question you had been dying to ask him since he showed up unexpectedly, but you hadn’t been ready to do so until now.

The room was lit by a single candle, burning on the corner of a desk. The warm light that came off of it reflected beautifully on the ebony hue of his hair, and the grey tones of his eyes. His expression softened, and he raised his eyes to meet yours.

“Y/N…I’m…”

Your eyes did not leave him, you felt the sadness in his voice. This would all be much easier if you could read each other’s minds. As you waited for him to continue, you undid your hair and let it fall loosely on your shoulders.

He couldn’t help but reach out to touch the softness of your face, to feel the warmth radiating off your skin. As much as you hated to admit it, you missed his familiar cold touch.

“I’m sorry.” He pulled his hand back and turned it palm up and his gaze fixated on it. This was a habit he had whenever he was uncomfortable with speaking or nervous.

You had to restrain yourself from jumping on him and giving him a hug that he so desperately needed. _“I can’t forgive him so easily.”_

“Why…why are you sorry?” you cleared your throat and began to unlace your boots.

As unbelievable as it sounds, Feitan had spent the journey to find you reciting what he would tell you. _“I need you. No no that’s stupid. I was stupid. I’m an idiot. Please forgive me. What the fuck? Since when did I become so soft?”_

“Y/N…you are too good…to be true. You took in criminal like me….and saw me as anyone else. So-so when you showed your ability…I…it was easier to think you would trick me…than to think you could really care about someone like me.”

And there it was. The ramblings of a seasoned killer and torturer finally poured into a sincere confession. He left himself wide open, vulnerable to you and only you. Up until now, life seemed like a cruel joke he had to make the best of. But now he knew there was beauty hidden in this world, beauty that manifested itself in a girl sitting right next to him. He had to protect you, but how could he if he couldn’t protect you from himself?

This declaration was exactly what you needed and wanted to hear. When he left you, you didn’t know if you would ever see him again. Cruel dreams of him returning would haunt you in your sleep, but you didn’t know what you would do if he _actually_ came back.

“Feitan…I’m not an angel myself. The reason why I hid my Nen is because I almost killed someone with it.”

There was not much that could surprise the notorious murderer, but this definitely shocked him. “ _She’s capable of killing someone. Well, she’s full of surprises, that’s for sure.”_

You were frightened that he could judge you for your mistakes, but all he was thinking about at that moment was just how much he needed you. He didn’t care if you had almost killed someone or even killed a million people.

_“But I am no one to judge you, **no one** ”_ your words echoed in his mind. Suddenly, it made sense. Why you had accepted him so openly.

“The problem is…you hurt me so much when you left. You didn’t let me explain myself. You misjudged me so quickly. I would’ve never done that to you.”

And you were right. Feitan was so terrible at understanding his feelings for you that he latched on to the easiest explanation as to why he was all of a sudden so fond of a girl like you. In his life, he had been attracted to some women along the way, but this never lasted. Their lives meant nothing to him and his heart felt nothing for them. There were very few people whom he valued, and he never had romantic affection for anyone. It was a mixture of the hard, rough exterior that he carried around and his disinterest in having a love life. _“There’s no point in finding love if they’ll just leave anyway._ Love was something he thought was never meant for him.

“Y/N…please. Give me…another chance.” Feitan scooted closer to you on the bed, placing his hands on the side of your cheeks. He glanced deeply into your E/C eyes, close enough to hear you breathing. He began to run his thumb down the side of your face to your jaw when suddenly he felt the skin underneath him grow damp.

“Why are you crying?” a worried expression painted his face.

You hadn’t realized that there were tears streaming down your face. It worried you how easily this man could break your barriers down, make you soft and helpless right next to him.

“It’s stupid, isn’t it? I spent so many nights crying after you left and now you’re here and I’m still wailing like a baby.” You tried to wipe your tears but he did so instead, kissing your face gently, letting his lips rest on your forehead as he drew in a sigh.

“Nothing about you is stupid.” He whispered.

“Then why did you leave?” you said in between sniffles.

“Because I’m stupid. I let my anger control me. Y/N I’m so…sorry.”

There were a few things you didn’t tell anyone. One of those was that you suffered tremendously from the fear of abandonment. Your father leaving and never being around, your mother suddenly dying, friends leaving, it was a pain you carried with you every day.

When you met Feitan, you would constantly tell yourself that he _could_ leave any day. There were times that you felt that maybe he would stay gone for good, but deep down inside you knew he would come back. This last time was different. You actually felt you lost him and that he would never come back.

_“I can’t let him hurt me like that again, I wouldn’t be able to handle it.”_

“Feitan…I can forgive you but…” you didn’t want to say what you need to say. You wanted so desperately to jump on him, kiss him like it was the first time. “we can just be friends”

The notorious torturer was not one to take no for an answer. _“Is she serious? I could never see her as just a friend again.”_

“No. You’re mine. You’ll always be mine.” He said firmly.

“Feitan please, don’t make this harder than it needs to be.” You could see the sadness in his eyes, whenever his heart sank his eyes glowed an almost purple color. A beautiful shade you only wished to get lost in.

“We don’t have to talk anymore. I know you are tired.” He laid you down, falling to your side, and ran his fingers through your H/C hair. The sight of the scratches that adorned your face from your fight with Hisoka made him flinch. The thought that someone could hold such little significance for your life, your life which he valued so much.

It was because he had met you that he had learned that someone outside of his inner circle could have a valuable life. You were a treasure that he could never steal or buy from anyone, a soul more irreplaceable than the rarest spoils the Troupe had ever looted.

In the moments that his mind had wondered, you had fallen asleep next to him. The sight of your beautiful face holding the most peaceful expression, the calm deep breathes you drew, it all told him you felt safe next to him.

He knew that somewhat, somehow, he had to win you back. No matter how long it took or how hard it would be. 


	19. Losing Control

“So there are thirteen of you in total? I bet they’re all incredibly powerful, considering how skilled you are of a fighter.”

You and Feitan were sitting closely next to each other on the bus back to York New City. He had insisted on accompanying you on your way back, despite you assuring him you would be fine.

“Yes…we lost two members recently…” His mind drifted, memories of his fallen comrades returning to him. In the time that they had lost Uvo and Pakunoda, the sadness his heart felt when he silently mourned them hadn’t ceased.

In his head were images that were so vivid it was as if he was seeing it all over again. Chains, angry red eyes, blonde hair; Kurapika.

“I’m sorry Feitan…I know it’s incredibly painful to lose someone you care so much about.” You placed your hand over his pale one, feeling his cool skin. It was a feeling you missed so much.

You could easily see the pain in his eyes. How easily you fell apart when watching him open up to you. How did this man have so much control over you?

“Do you know…what happened?” You were hesitant to ask; you weren’t sure how he would answer.

The feeling of rage flooded him. The way he felt so helpless to stop the demise of his teammates and friends, it was unwavering. He wanted so desperately to get them the justice they deserved.

“It was…a powerful opponent. He holds a grudge against us. A skilled chain user.” He declared grimly.

It was a thought that deeply troubled you. You had never before worried about Feitan’s wellbeing in that way, you didn’t think there was anyone that could threaten his life. Now that you knew there was someone with a vendetta looking to spill the Phantom Troupe’s blood, your heart sank. You turned to look at the man next to you only to see his head lowered, his ebony locks hiding his expression.

“What would happen…” you swallowed the lump in your throat “if you came face to face with this chain-user?” It was the question you had been dying to ask. At the end of the day, only Feitan knew how he would fare against him.

The seasoned torturer had asked himself that same question many times before, and it pained him to admit that for the first time in a long time he was unsure if he could beat an opponent. There were very little people alive that could easily win against him head-on, but someone like Kurapika who had abilities designed to work against his?

“I don’t know.” He turned away from you, he didn’t want to see the look on your face. What would happen if he had to face Kurapika, when he had to face him? It was something he would only know when it happened.

You both stayed silent for some time after. You were unsure of how to process this information, afraid that someone could harm Feitan and you wouldn’t be able to do anything to stop it. Feitan was lost in thought, his eyes focused on nothing.

The rest of the ride was nearly as quiet, with the exception of you occasionally pointing at something on the road trying to distract your companion. He realized just how much he missed the energy you gave off around him. This carefree, happy you. You were staring out the window when he let a slight smile form from his lips. A smile only you could bring out.

* * *

“I told you already Y/N, I don’t like this man at all!” Hina rambled. You had been listening to your friend go on and on for the past 30 minutes.

Your mind was occupied thinking of him, his embrace, the beautiful curve of his nose, how his grey eyes turned nearly purple on occasion, the taste of his lips, his strong grip on your throat- _“Dammit! Why the hell am I thinking about this now?!”_

“He even had the audacity to show up at my place looking for you!” She continued, but your mind began to wander elsewhere.

She was twirling strands of her purple hair in her fingers, her other hand scrolling on her phone.

It had been three days since you returned from your trip, and the evening that you arrived Feitan had insisted on walking you home. You could still see his shadow standing right outside your door, wearing a black hoodie and jacket. His black hair pushed back contrasting against his fair skin.

Unfortunately, you hadn’t heard from him since that night. Not a phone call or a text message. It worried you to think that maybe he was beginning to lose interest in you. Maybe he got bored?

“Are you thinking about him again? Y/N snap out of it! I can’t believe he has you so infatuated!” she scolded, wagging her finger at you.

“No…I’m not thinking about him! Besides I told you that I didn’t take him back.” You rolled your eyes at your friend and you reached for a throw pillow to launch at her.

“You can’t fool me! Besides, I don’t blame you. I might not be a fan of him but it is charming how he went out of his way to invade my privacy just to stalk you.”

She hadn’t let you hear the end of it. Feitan had shown up at her apartment frantically looking for you after he had tried breaking into your place. It warmed your heart to think he had spared no expense to find you.

“Y/N! What did you say his astrology sign was?” a high-pitched voice brought you back to life.

“I didn’t. He actually doesn’t know his real birthday.” It was true, He only had a first and last name; the day he was born was a mystery lost to him.

“Hm…wait! What is his Nen type! They always say you can tell a person by their Nen type.” She chirped, her amber eyes lighting up in excitement. Hina was always one to revel in any gossip.

“He’s a Transmuter.” You answered.

“Oh…that makes so much sense.” Her expression changed instantly; she had a horrible poker face. “They always say Transmuters are liars, tricksters, and transient. They get bored easily.” She continued.

_“Liars, tricksters, and transient? Does that sound like Feitan?”_ you pondered for a good minute, your lips forming a frown as you sat there overthinking. You were never one to believe in any pseudoscience and you weren’t particularly superstitious but this time Hina’s words were ringing in your head over and over again.

Her voice began to fade in the background as your mind wandering again. Was there a reason why he hadn’t called? What if he had left the city for good? You came to the same realization that you and Feitan were so different. Not only did you come from different worlds, but you also lived different lives. Could you ever keep up with him? A man who lived a life of perilous adventure and crime? How long would he even stay in one place? If he left York New, would he leave you behind?

Hina was quick to notice the frown that you unknowingly made.

“Hey, why don’t we stop all this talk about boys and go get some ice cream and snacks from the store?” She quickly shot up looking for her shoes in the entryway.

“That actually sounds like a good idea.”

“Great I want Rocky Road this time!” your friend called out as she made her way out the door.

You were walking slowly, browsing through the selection of tea in the grocery store. The ringing of merchandise at the registers could be heard faintly in the background. As your hand reached out to inspect a box of chamomile tea a loud and sudden voice called out from behind you.

“Hey!” It was a man. You were slightly disappointed that you could easily realize it wasn’t Feitan’s, as his voice was always soft, and words always rolled off his tongue slowly.

_“Who could this be?”_ you asked yourself as you gripped the tea box and turned around to face the man.

Tall, blonde, furrowed brow bone, wearing a tracksuit. _“It’s Phinks, his friend.”_

“I thought that was you! Long time no see! What are you doing here?” Phinks walked up to you, giving you a hug.

“Hey! I’m here with a friend. We’re just getting some snacks for later.” You replied, smiling up at him as you nervously placed some of your hair behind your ear.

“Friend? I hope it’s a girl or Fei won’t be too happy!” He chuckled, waiting for your reply.

“I wish I was kidding! Oh, could it be the cute crazy friend with the purple hair?” He gave you a sly smile as he thought of Hina.

“Oi! Who are you?” You were glad she had come to your rescue. You hadn’t spent too much time with Phinks to know how to act around him. In truth, he made you a little nervous. Not in a bad way, you just didn’t want to leave a bad impression.

“Hina this is Phinks, Feitan’s friend. I don’t think you’ve met before.” You looked up at the blonde man.

“Oh yeah, we’ve definitely met before! She came to our place to harass Fei a few days ago!”

Oof, this was something your friend had failed to mention. She knew you wouldn’t be happy if you found out she had gone to see Feitan to chew him out.

“You did what?!” you turned at Hina, giving her a stern look.

“Anyway…what is going on with your friend blondie? He’s been playing hard to get. He better not be leading Y/N on or I’ll gladly go kick his ass!” your friend tried desperately to divert the conversation, she did not want you to be mad at her.

“Why don’t you ask him yourself? He’s here with me, we came to grab some beer.”

_“WHAT?! He’s here right now? I look terrible! He can’t see me like this how embarrassing!”_ you instantly turned away, panicked, and embarrassed.

“Don’t mind her,” Hina whispered at Phinks.

“Oh, I’m just kidding Y/N hahaha. I will tell him I saw you though.”

“Ugh come on let’s go. He’s an idiot.” Hina rolled her eyes in annoyance.

“Bye Phinks! It was nice seeing you.” You smiled back at him and watched as he waved goodbye.

“What was that about harassing Feitan?” you raised your brow at Hina.

“Oh!!! It was nothing!” she nervously laughed.

* * *

The following day you were lying in bed sipping a cup of hot coffee, reading a book you had been meaning to finish for the last few months. You were finally concentrated enough to try to take on the task of reading. Your mind had been occupied by a certain gloomy man of short stature lately.

A loud banging on your front door interrupted you. You had grown accustomed to impromptu visits by now and your heart leaped at the possibility that it could be the man who had been inhabiting your dreams. You took a quick second to peak at the mirror, making sure you would look presentable to whoever was waiting on the other side of the door.

You swiftly made your way to the entrance, fixing your hair in a braid as you approached. Taking a deep breath, you unlocked the door, letting it swing open. You took a step back and watched as a figure donning a black parka, dark grey shirt, and black pants walked in.

Your lips automatically drew a smile as you admired the man in front of you, his ebony hair fell on his grey eyes.

“Feitan. I didn’t get to thank you for walking me home last time.” You watched as he took a few steps closer to you, his eyes falling softly to look at you. He was fixated on the curves of your face and the way it glowed when he looked at you. The brightness of your E/C eyes was enough to light up the room. He was amazed at how easily your smile could change his mood.

“You are welcome.” He said softly, bringing his hand to meet yours. He traced his fingers across your wrist, coming to a stop at your knuckles.

“What brings you here?” You asked, you could feel your cheeks heating up as a blush fell over them.

“Y/N…I missed you.” His words were shocking, you did not expect him to say this. Not too long ago he had seemed wary of you asking him if he would miss you, and now he was standing here confessing that he had.

“I wanted to know…if you wanted to see a movie with me.” He nervously added, bringing his free hand up to trace his finger across his lip.

“A movie? I’d love to! What did you have in mind?” you replied.

“It’s a horror film. I was told it’s scary… but I doubt it. Want to see for myself.”

You were not a fan of scary movies. In fact, you intentionally avoided watching them. Yet you did not hesitate to agree to go see one with Feitan, you knew you couldn’t be too afraid if he was sitting next to you. 

“That sounds fun!” you giggled as you placed your hand on the side of his face. _“Wait why am I doing this? Why am I so smitten with him? I lose control of my actions and emotions whenever I’m around him.”_

He was standing so close to you he could hear your every breath, see the details of your soft lips. It was a sight that he would never forget. You felt you looked ordinary, but to him, you were so much more than that. He was captivated by your beauty, your endearing smile, everything. He was astounded by how easily you made him lose control, the same exact effect he had on you. In reality, his feelings were anything but fleeting.

You couldn’t help but close the distance between you, bringing him into a kiss on the lips. He grinned slowly as if he had won a prize at a contest. Before you could realize what you had done he said “I thought you only wanted to be friends?”

_“Fuck! What is going on? Why does he make me feel this way? It can’t be…I think I’m falling in love with him…”_

* * *

*Important Announcement*

Hello to all my amazing readers. I was getting ready to put out today's long-awaited chapter when the worst that could possibly happen when writing electronically happened; something happened and my word document with Chapter 19-22 is GONE. I am devastated, I have worked hard to write these upcoming chapters and now they've vanished. I have always made sure to save every time I walk away from my computer, and now I have to rewrite everything. I don't know what happened. I will be rewriting these chapters and will make sure to put the new one up ASAP. I hope you can all forgive me, I'm so sad! This will not stop me though, there are many more chapters of "Undeniable" planned.

Love, Olive


	20. How Much I Missed You

“The way you screamed! That made my day.” Feitan teased, laughing freely as you walked along the streets of the city.

You had spent the past two hours shrieking at what you thought was the scariest movie you had ever seen, while Feitan didn’t even bat an eye. He enjoyed the way you easily spooked at the most predictable moments, as they brought you closer to him. The entire time while watching the gore and violence he only reflected on how much more brutal his actual experiences were.

“Hey! That’s not fair! It was really scary!” You were shivering, you didn’t think it would be so cold tonight. You only brought a light jacket with you.

He was quick to notice as he promptly took his parka off and offered it to you. He didn’t even say a word, he just looked away expecting you to take it off his hands.

“Oh it’s okay really, I don’t want you getting cold!” you smiled back at him watching him furrow his brow in frustration.

“No, take it. You get sick if not.” He insisted, pushing his coat closer into your arms.

“Fine! Thank you” you giggled, putting it on.

As you walked along the sidewalk, you watched a drunk couple walking in the opposite direction, embracing, kissing sloppily. They didn’t seem to care what was in front of them. The man accidentally ran into you, falling over as he lost his balance. You fell to the floor and into a large puddle, as it had rained the night before. Your clothes began to feel damp, and it felt so cold next to your skin.

“Watch where you go fucking idiot!” Feitan snapped at the man on the floor, not noticing his frightened companion.

“Fei, it’s okay.” You began to stand, but the black-haired man was quick to help you. He paused to think as you shook excess rainwater off.

_“This is the first time she’s called me Fei. Only my closest friends call me that. I…like it.”_

As the inebriated man and woman clumsily ran off into the night, you quivered as you were freezing; the cold air and being soaked to the bone were not a good combination.

“Come on. Let’s get you home.” Before you could reply, he swept you off your feet, carrying you so easily as if you were a child.

“Hey! Give me a warning!” you called out, but you felt his arm around you grip you harder.

“Shutup”

The walk back to your place was brief, Feitan was quick on his feet. He was worried that you would catch a cold if you were out too long in this state.

Running up the stairs you remembered how carefully he handled you each time he carried you. His hands were always firm but soft.

As he placed you down at the entrance of your apartment, you fished around your pocket for your key. After unlocking the door, you waited silently for him to follow you inside but he didn’t.

“Aren’t you going to come in?” You asked as you turned around to face him.

He had never been happier to hear you say these words. He’d been hesitant to come inside, as he wasn’t sure if it was acceptable considering the limitations in your “friendship”. It worried him to some extent that there was the possibility that you would never want to be his again.

You began to take off his parka, which was wet from falling in the water. You revealed underneath a thin white long sleeve shirt that was transparent from being damp. He could see your bra, and he looked away when he noticed him staring.

It had been a while since the last time he had a taste of you. He instantly thought of your beautiful naked body, the way he held you so tightly when you were all his. _“I’m such a pervert I need to calm down or else she’ll probably ask me to leave.”_

You were very perceptive. It was easy to tell that Feitan’s face was flushed and you had an idea of what he was thinking about. Taking this into consideration, you began to slip out of your clothes. First your soaked shirt, then your jeans. You left your bra and underwear on and watched at his face; his mouth was ajar in admiration.

“I’m going to take a hot shower if you want to join me.” You purred as you turned away to walk to the bathroom.

_“She’s going to be the end of me. Oh god, she makes me insane.”_

What you didn’t know was the reason why he hadn’t reached out to you in the days following your return to the city was that he spent those days trying to work out what you meant by “Just friends”. In all honesty, he barely understood the basics of human social relationships. He wasn’t prepared to handle this world of confusing feelings and desires.

_“Why did she say that she only wants me as friend?”_ Feitan asked his friend the day after you encountered Phinks at the store.

_“Well women say all kinds of things they don’t mean. She probably said that because she wants to see how hard you’re willing to try for her.”_ Phinks had a world of difference when it came to this.

_“So, she doesn’t want me…to stay away?!”_ He questioned, staring down the blonde man.

“ _No probably not. You should’ve seen the way she panicked when I joked about you being there. It’s obvious she likes you.”_

Feitan had taken no time to grab his coat, leaving his friend behind on the couch.

_“Hey! Remember to wear a fucking condom!”_ Phinks teased.

_“Tch.”_

The sound of the shower turning on woke him from his daydream. As he turned the corner to see the bathroom door wide open, he looked in, and there you were, stepping out of whatever was left on your body. He took a second to catch his breath, he just had to enjoy this moment. The time he had spent torturing himself after leaving you he had only dreamed that he could lay with you again, touch your face, caress your body.

“Well, what are you waiting for?” your sultry eyes nearly devouring him on the spot.

He didn’t need to be told twice. He was swift to tear his clothes off, revealing his fair toned muscles underneath. The warm water running over his skin, he felt your hands stroke his collar.

“It amazes me…no matter how many times I see you like this it’s always like the first time.” You blushed, bringing your head back and letting the water fall onto your hair.

“What do you…want from me?” Feitan stuttered, but that was not how he meant it to come out.

“Hm? What do you mean?” you questioned as you began to lather yourself with soap.

“I…If you let me…have you again…I won’t control myself.” With his declaration, you brought yourself closer to him, letting drops of water fall from your hair into the small space between you.

“You can have me. Lose control, I don’t care. I’m tired of restraining myself and my feelings.” Your lips met his, and within a half-second, he kissed you back with much more force and passion than before. You grasped your waist tightly, pulling you into him. The steam of the water, the touch of your slippery skin, it was enough to bring him over the edge.

“You sure? I…could hurt you.” He whispered in your ear before he softly bit it.

“If you want, we can use a safe word, that way you’re not afraid of pushing me past my boundaries.” You said before he nodded. “It can be…’Spider’” you chuckled, and he met you with a grin.

This was his cue to run his hands through your jawline, playfully running them back around your neck. Through the curtain of water, he began to run his lips down your chest, landing on your right breast. He was quick to wrap his tongue around your nipple, and he looked up to see you moaning at this action. He then slid his hand down under, feeling you for the first time awhile.

“So wet…” he purred. Lifting your legs up, he slammed you against the wall of the shower.

You let out a muffled groan, you didn’t want him to know just how much you missed him.

“Oh…I thought you wanted just friends? Friends don’t fuck” he teased, holding your leg up with his strong arms.

“I’m not begging for it this time.”

“I’ll make sure you do.”

He let his hand run the tip of his member around the outside of you, feeling just how warm and wet you were, ready for him. He could feel you tensing up, it was hard to hide your desire. _“She’s so tight…I need to be careful and make sure I last…”_ Feitan continued to rub just around you, being cautious not to let himself slip inside.

“Friends don’t fuck right Y/N? Or was there something…you need to say?”

“Mmm…please don’t do this to me…” you pleaded; your eyes widened in sexual frustration.

“You’re too proud…for your own good. You seem to think you can run…away from me. You’re mine. No running.”

He couldn’t take it any longer. The warmth from in between your legs was too much for him to bear. Losing control, he pushed himself into you, feeling you gasp as he did. _“Oh my fucking god…she’s so tight…”_ you felt as though electricity ran through your body. He didn’t hold back, not one bit. As he thrust you felt like you could explode at any second. He was so strong, the force he gave off slammed you against the wall so hard it hurt but the pleasure more for made up for it. He devoured your other breast, running his tongue in circles around it, sucking on it like it was the sweetest candy.

As Feitan felt his urge and desire overcome him, he secured his fingers along the side of your throat, enjoying the view of you squirming as he continued to slide himself inside. Turning your head right under the stream of the shower, he gave you a look, assuring you were okay with what he was doing. As you nodded, he lowered you under, the force from the water making it hard for you to breathe. He was worried at first, as he didn’t want to hurt you, but this only brought you closer to climax. He kept going, each stroke becoming faster and deeper. He’d only pause briefly to place his hand over the showerhead and give you a few seconds to breathe.

This feeling of control, the thought that you could barely breathe, and it was because of him. The pain he knew he caused you when ramming you into the wall, he couldn’t contain himself anymore. This was everything he ever wanted and more. As he let himself finish inside of you, he slammed you into the wall and squeezed your neck a little harder.

The sight in front of you was mesmerizing. The beautiful man, his ebony locks drenched and framing his defined jawline. His eyes were grey and nearly purple, staring you so deeply in your soul you were getting lost in them. It was in the moment that he embraced you, letting his chin rest on your shoulder. You wrapped your arms around him, feeling him sigh as you held each other.

A few seconds passed where you two said nothing and did nothing. He wanted nothing more than to stay here like this with you forever, and you secretly felt the same. Each heartbeat you took was precious, something he needed to protect. Little did he know you wanted to protect _him._

“What did I tell you about pulling out?” you giggled as you turned the water off.

“What? Why?” He grabbed two towels, handing one to you.

“You’re 28, do I need to explain why?” your tone was slightly serious but with a smile to assure him you weren’t angry.

“I don’t have anything. I haven’t-“

“No not that silly! You know…” As you dried yourself off and wrapped another cloth around your hair you stared at your partner, waiting for him to give you a look of understanding.

“Feitan! Really? You’re smarter than that!” You walked into the bedroom.

He stayed silent, following you in and running his hair through the towel.

“If you keep doing that I could…I could get pregnant.” You nervously looked away as you rummaged through your drawers for some pajamas.

“So?” He replied. _“What?! What does he mean ‘so’?”_

“If I get pregnant…I would have an oopsie…a baby!” you said, running your hands over you, imitating a large belly.

“So?” He once again answered nonchalantly.

_“Is he playing with me?!”_ You were surprised at how little he cared about this conversation.

All you could bring yourself to do was laugh. You threw a pair of pink sweatpants at him, giggling as you imagined him wearing them. Much to your amusement, he didn’t hesitate to put them on.

“Oh my gosh! You’re so cute! I love this!” you ran to the living room to grab your phone and took a quick picture of Feitan, a man was as dark and brooding as him wearing your velvet pink sweats.

“Hey! Give me that!” He ran after you hearing you squeal as he threw you on your bed.

“Show that to that blonde idiot and you’re both dead!” He let his head fall onto a soft pillow.

“Why did you say ‘so’ about me being scared?” Your smile faded, bringing your phone over your chest.

Why didn’t he care? He wasn’t exactly sure. Quite honestly, there were few things that Feitan was scared of, and this wasn’t one of them. As he turned around to look at you, eyes glowing so fiercely, he imagined the possibility of a life with you.

Instead of replying, he moved to wrap his arms around you, holding you in an embrace similar to the one after your encounter in the shower. Every other person in this world besides you no longer mattered. He thought about how easily he would have killed you if he had encountered you before getting to know you. Despite many people’s assumptions, he isn’t completely heartless. He was wary of every showing his feelings to others, as he saw this as a weakness they could exploit. But laying there, holding you in his arms and watching you so peacefully reassured him that he could be himself with you.

* * *

Author’s Note:

My amazing readers: I will have the new chapter up very soon. With having to rewrite my lost writing and college midterms I have been very busy but I have not forgotten about this story! I wanted to let you all know that for the time being I will now be updating every week, every Thursday. If you want to ask me questions directly or stay informed on updates or last minute changes feel free to follow my backup twitter @Lemonyolive 


	21. I Don't Mean to Pry

“What the fuck” you stared in disbelief at the mirror. Your arms, neck, chest, nearly every part of your body was covered in bites and bruises. The short devilish man sleeping so peacefully in your bed hadn’t had enough of you after the first round. You had gone on for _hours_ , and you felt weak in between your legs.

_“I love when you obey me. You are my slut. Look at you, such a whore for me.”_ You blushed furiously as you recalled his lewd words in the heat of the moment.

As you took a quick glance at him wrapped in your comforter, you saw him with such a serene expression. His straight black hair was messy but so attractive to you.

“I’m going to have to wear a turtleneck. Might as well cover my _entire_ body or else people will think I got the shit beat out of me.” You smiled to yourself as you began to get ready. There was something about this man being able to harm you in that way, control you, have such a hold over you that drove you wild. This feeling was out of the ordinary for you. You had never enjoyed the idea of anyone controlling you or even harming you.

_“My mom would be rolling in her grave. She’d call me a masochist.”_

A distant ringing in the background distracted you, and you ran to pick up your phone.

“Yes?” you asked, waiting for the person on the other end to speak up.

“OH MY GOD-“you rolled your eyes jokingly, you knew exactly who it was. “You won’t believe who I saw right now!!! I was getting something from the bodega down the street near your place and there he was standing drinking some coffee, YOUR DAD!”

Your phone slid out of your hand as you went white with shock. You could hear your friend blabbering on, but your mind only focused on one obvious fact.

**If Hina saw your dad in town, he’d be at your apartment in no time.**

After telling her you’d call her later, you rushed to pick up the mess in your living room. You hadn’t seen your father in ages, and despite having recently reconnected, you were still unsure about how he would feel seeing you like this.

“Fuck! I need to put something one that’ll cover this now!” you scrambled through your closet, desperately searching for an article of clothing that would do the job.

“What’s wrong?” a groggy voice called out.

You had forgotten about the sleeping man in your bed. Should you nicely kick him out? Would you even have time? Would he understand? What if he ran into your dad in the building?

Before you had the chance to make a decision, two loud knocks were heard on the door.

“OH NO! He’s here!” you panicked, falling to the floor. Feitan raised his eyebrows in curiosity.

“My dad! He said he’d be here weeks ago, but I forgot I’m such an idiot!” you rambled as you pulled a large turtleneck sweater over your head. He heard your voice muffle as you buried yourself in clothing.

He was relieved to hear that this ‘he’ was your father and not another man. Without saying another word he put the clothes he was wearing the day before on quickly, stepping into his boots and taking a minute to go to the bathroom to brush his hair.

The pounding on the door persisted and you frantically ran to the living room. You gave Feitan a look before disappearing to open the door. You took a couple of breaths to calm yourself down and then unlocked it.

“Y/N! Hey! Sorry I didn’t call before my phone died a few days ago and I haven’t bothered to charge it.” Your dad was standing in front of you, his eyes were the same shade as yours. He stepped forward and gave you a hug. You felt for a second relief to have them there with you. Even though you hadn’t seen him in so long it was nice to know he was safe embracing you.

“Oh who’s this?” Your father stepped back and you froze with the sudden realization that Feitan, a mass murderer, torturer, thief, and criminal was standing just a few feet away from your own dad.

“Um…oh that’s Feitan! He’s my…” your brain went blank, what was he exactly? You weren’t exactly friends you were way past that actually, but you hadn’t gotten back together either. What do you say?

“Hello…sir. I am Y/N’s boyfriend.” The black-haired man approached him, reaching out to shake hands with your father. Your dad paused for a second, then smiled and shook his hand firmly.

_“What?! Why would he be so bold in front of my dad! I’ve never brought a guy back home or introduced him to my parents before.”_ A part of you was dumbfounded at the fact that Feitan was actually capable of displaying **manners**.

“Y/N you didn’t tell me you had a boyfriend! Luckily your friend caught me up just before I got here.”

Of course, Hina had a big mouth and it was no surprise that she spilled the beans about your…friend. 

You turned your head to give Feitan a look. You barely recognized him, as his brows were not furrowed as they normally were, and as he caught you looking, he shot you a smile. _“He’s smiling? Why is he acting this way? It’s kind of cute though…”_

“Oh well yeah we met a few months ago, he’s…nice.” You had to hold back your laugh as the thought of describing the short torturer as “nice” was not very accurate.

“Wow! I never thought I’d live to see the day where someone could tie you down sweetie!” your dad chuckled, raising his glance to meet Feitan’s.

_“I do tie her down but not in the way he thinks”_ this thought intruded his head, he couldn’t help himself. He watched as you adjusted the collar of your sweater, he knew exactly what you were trying to cover up. He let a small grin appear on the edge of his lips as he realized how much he loved how he could so easily leave marks on you, the sign that you were all his.

You didn’t need to read his mind to know what he was thinking, and your cheeks immediately became flushed with embarrassment.

“Y/N, are you okay?” your father interrupted the few seconds where you and Feitan secretly shared thoughts.

“Uh-yeah dad sorry I’m just really tired haha.” You pushed a loose strand of your hair behind your ear.

“She didn’t sleep much…last night.” The soft-spoken man declared.

Your father’s eye widened his expression reflecting shock more than anything. _“WHAT THE HELL FEITAN. YOU DON’T SAY THINGS LIKE THAT”_ You would be much happier if the ground swallowed you up at that moment. Honestly, Feitan’s brashness was refreshing. You were used to being around people who were always careful of what they said, afraid of what others would think. You knew that he didn’t care about anyone’s opinion.

“We were up watching movies!” you tried to save the moment as much as you could.

“Yeah sure- hey I don’t care you’re both adults. Anyway-what plans did you have for today?” he nervously chuckled as he changed the subject quickly.

“I’m not sure, I didn’t really have anything planned for today. Feitan was just leaving though.” You wrapped your arm around him, squeezing your hand around it. The black-haired man looked at you confused.

“Wait! Do you have to go? It’s not often that I see my daughter and I would really like to get to know you better.” Your dad insisted, his hand extended at your companion.

You and Feitan both looked at each other, your eyes widening as you desperately hoped he would decline your father’s offer. It wasn’t that you were embarrassed to be with him, not at all. The problem was that you weren’t sure how well Feitan would interact with your father. You were afraid your dad would pry or ask to many questions or maybe even anger him. _“Oh god, mom please help me”_

“I can stay sir…if that’s what you would like.” He politely replied, and your father smiled at him.

After resigning the fact that your father would indeed be interrogating Feitan, who was ironically a seasoned interrogator, you ordered some takeout and watched as you’re the two men sat a few inches apart on your couch.

Your dad was telling him stories of his various travels and adventures, moving his hands around as he described the heights of the mountains he climbed. Feitan seemed genuinely fascinated at the peculiar man in front of him, watching as his E/C light up when he spoke of these things. It reminded him of your eyes, the way they sparkled when you rambled on about subjects that you were passionate about. A knot began to form in his stomach as he came to the realization that you would never meet his mother, and much less his nonexistent father.

As he observed your father babbling on and on, he took a second to glance at you leaning over the kitchen counter, picking at your fingernails as you pretended not to watch him. Did he deserve you, someone as forgiving and amazing as you? You had a family, a life, friends, and a normal job. Who was he to intrude? Who was he to walk into your life?

_“You have to let someone love you. You deserve it Feitan”_ Phinks voice once again echoed in his head. Did he deserve to be loved by someone as beautiful and caring as you?

“So enough about what I do, what do you do?” the sound of your father’s voice interrupted his daydreaming.

Uh oh. What does he say? _“I’m a murdered, thief and torturer, that’s what I do for a living, sir.”_

“I…uh…”

“He does a lot of freelance work dad.” You replied to him. You wanted to giggle a bit, what a ridiculous way to describe a member of the Phantom Troupe.

“Oh, that’s cool! What exactly do you specialize in?” he continued to press; this was exactly what you were afraid of.

“Dad! I ordered from that Chinese place you like so much, when’s the last time you ate from that restaurant?” You diverted the conversation, and Feitan gave you a look.

“Hey it’s rude to interrupt honey!” He was persistent, and you were growing more nervous.

Feitan wasn’t actually too concerned about conversing with him, he knew that he couldn’t really hide who he was for too long. If he wanted to be around for a while, he knew your dad would eventually figure it out.

He was more worried about whether or not you would ever change your mind about him. How long would it last? He knew he wasn’t bad looking and he had a decent body, but his attitude and demeanor was something that took getting used to. Yet you accepting him the way he was? You could have any man or woman you wanted, you could have someone who came from a good family, or at least wasn’t a criminal like him.

“Where are you from?” Your dad continued, ignoring your eye rolls directed at him.

“From…the south.” He answered, looking away at the window to see rain beginning to fall.

Your father thought at that moment how soothing his voice was, and he determined that he was someone you felt at ease with. He hadn’t been there for most of your childhood, a fact that he deeply regretted. He only hoped that whoever you were with brought you nothing but happiness and love. Ever since you had lost your mother you were even more determined to prove your independence and shy away from anyone’s help, even his.

“How old did you say you were Feitan, it’s Feitan right?” Your father asked.

“Yes sir. 28.” He replied, brushing his ebony hair back a bit.

“What?! 28! You look like you’re 18 or 19, and here I was thinking Y/N was robbing the cradle!”

“DAD!” you cried, pressing your hands down the sides of your face in frustration.

“Well that’s a good age! You and my daughter are old enough to settle down and have kids now.”

“DAD PL-“ you began to plea before you were interrupted.

“I agree.” The black-haired man said softly, and the entire room went quiet.


	22. Love in the Time of Stubbornness

Fingers traced around the black spider tattoo, a peculiar specimen about 6 inches long, with the number “2” on it. Feitan focused on the details of his skin, pausing to reminisce about the time he got it engraved. He remembered feeling a sense of power at that moment, something he rarely felt. It was an indescribable feeling of taking back some of the control he’d lost over his life.

“she likes this…tch. This was supposed to…mark me as a criminal…with no regrets…or morals” His mind shifted to the image of you running your hand over his tattoo, smiling each time you did.

He threw himself on his bed, placing his hands over his eyes and dragging them down in exhaustion. He rarely, if ever slept through the night, but the few times he had slept by your side were the only opportunities he had to get a wink of sleep. As he turned around, he imagined you lying next to him, watching you as your eyelids got heavy with drowsiness.

It was in the moments where he daydreamed and swam in visions of you, that he fell asleep. Voices surrounded him, and within the ones that haunted him, he could hear the soothing tones of your familiar one.

_“I never met someone, a man like you.”_

_“What you mean?”_ his voice echoed in his memories

_“To everyone else, I feel invisible. Like everyone else is too involved in their lives to notice ordinary people like me.”_

_“Tch. Stupid. You are not ordinary.”_

_“Everything about me is ordinary. My life, my appearance, even how completely normal my hopes and dreams are.”_

_“Shut up.”_

His memories shifted in his dreams he could hear muffled cries, growing louder and louder. The air was dark, and the smell of blood was strong and apparent.

**_“STOP PLEASE I’M BEGGING YOU”_** a man’s voice pleaded.

What was this? Was this his conscience coming back to haunt him?

**_“I’ll tell you everything I know…please…just let me live.”_ **

****

**_“I don’t take pity on anyone.”_** Feitan’s voice was clear and firm. It echoed loudly in the space surrounding them.

This was the main reason why he preferred to stay up at night. He rarely held any regrets for his actions, but recently things had changed. It was as if his conscience has somehow awoken in the time he had met you. In the 28 years he had been alive, he was always surrounded by people who never relied on “morals” to determine their judgment. He didn’t feel you judged him, but he was afraid of what you would do if you were to find out just how dark his sins were.

He woke up at half-past four in the morning, sweating and with his knees tucked in his arms. His body ached something that often happened when awakening from nightmares. He struggled to search for his cellphone, and he groaned in the process. As he unlocked it, he could see 2 notifications from you

***Text Message from Brat***

**Hey, thanks for putting up with my dad for a bit. He really seemed to like you, surprising right ;)?**

**If you feel like letting me annoy you tomorrow, I’ll be at the library around 2 pm!**

He had been caught off guard by your father’s visit, but he knew how important making an impression on him was. He had read dozens of articles online about dating and how relationships work and meeting the parents was incredibly important. While it was true that you two weren’t officially back together, he knew that he would rather be safe than sorry.

_“Hey man, thank you. Thanks for looking out for Y/N while I’m out exploring the world.”_ Your father said when you had left to pick up the takeout you had ordered.

In reply Feitan only nodded his head, his eyes meeting your dads.

_“You know I offered her to come with me after her mother died but she declined. She said she had things to do. But that’s typical of her, she never wants help. Her mother’s death hit her hard, this is the first time since then that I’ve seen her genuinely happy, so I know I have you to thank.”_ He raised his eyebrows as he stared at the black-haired man.

_“Also, I know what “freelance” means. Whatever you do, just keep her out of it.”_ He continued and the ambiance around them changed, and so did your father’s tone. The expression on Feitan’s face was unchanged, he had lived enough to not be surprised by other people’s judgment.

_“She doesn’t know what I do, not really. So I’m no one to judge you. But let’s just say we’re in similar job industries. I do ask you though, please be careful and keep her safe. My wife…I made the mistake of…she…”_

The conversation was cut short by the opening of the front door and the sight of you carrying the food in your hands, wearing a long coat and scarf.

As he wrapped himself in his sheets, his mind drifted. His head was full of images of your warm and sunny smile, the soft waves of your hair, the way your laugh seemed to grow louder in your presence. _“I have better things to think about right now ugh.”_

* * *

As you browsed the aisles of volumes of literature, you wondered how many times the books at the very top had been picked and read. Dust probably accompanied them, and your fingertips ran across the backs of the collections as you walked slowly down the row.

“You should be more careful to not spread dust in the air when you do that.” A man standing a few feet next to you that you hadn’t previously noticed.

“Yeah, I would say I’m sorry but you’re standing too far away to even be affected by anything.” You said jokingly, but you could tell the man wasn’t too amused.

He had been fixated on the book he was reading but after your reply, he quickly shut it closed and walked away, not even bringing his line of sight to look at you.

You often enjoyed spending your weekends at the library whenever time permitted, no matter how many books you owned, you could never have enough. This was the only moments you had to yourself; Hina never dared to come 15 feet from any library and here was where you could sort through your thoughts.

After settling for a title by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, you let yourself fall to the floor as you engaged in the pages in front of you. It soon became hard to concentrate as your thoughts shifted to the subject of a certain black-haired man.

_“I can’t believe he actually agreed to stay and talk to my dad. Why would he tell him that we’re together if we aren’t exactly reconciled yet?”_ your eyes settled for the bookshelf in front of you, instead of the book you were reading.

_“Wait yet? What am I thinking? I told myself I wouldn’t get back with him after everything that happened, even if he did save me from that Hisoka guy…why can’t I stay away from him? Why does everything I think go out the door when he’s around me? I do want to be with him but…what if he leaves me behind? I don’t know what I would do if he does. What could he ever want from me anyway? I couldn’t steal anything if I tried. But I would try…for him…”_

“Hey.”

Soft-spoken, soothing. It was him. The subject of your daydreaming and pondering standing in front of you wearing a black turtleneck sweater and black jeans.

“Oh hey, I didn’t think you would come.” You turned to the side as you realized he had caught you right in the middle of your rambling thoughts about him and you were now blushing.

“Are you fine…what are you doing…on floor?” He crouched down to your level, his eyes slightly widened in concern. His hair was brushed back a bit, not the way he usually wore it, but it was enough to see his eyes clearly. Grey with just a hint of purple. 

“Yes, I’m okay! You see the floors here are actually more comfortable than the chairs.” You chuckled, accepting his hand in help to get back up.

“What was this you were reading?” he glanced at the cover still in your hand.

“This is a book called _Love in the Time of Cholera_. I’ve actually read it before, but I always love rereading it.”

Feitan took a moment to take a good look at you, your cheeks still slightly flushed. Your hair was braided messily to the side, and you still had your jacket on.

“What is it…about?” He asked as he began to scan the selection of novels on the shelves.

“Well it’s a story about a woman and a man who fell in love when they were really young, but the girl’s father didn’t approve so they saw each other in secret. After her father moved them away, she ended up marrying some doctor and she could no longer be with the man she loved. He did promise to wait for her but of course, he didn’t, and he took on many women and was actually very promiscuous. After the woman’s husband dies fifty-something years later, they reunite and get back together and not everything is as it seems. Blah blah blah.”

“Why did she marry other guy…if she loves the other one?” He asked curiously.

“Well her father moved them away and she gave in to marrying the doctor.”

“But if she loved the other guy…just marry him.” He insisted, becoming more involved in the plot of the story than he had originally planned.

“I don’t think it’s that simple Fei, many things can come between two people that love each other. Family, money, death, betrayal, the list goes on.” You sighed, placing the book back where it belonged.

“But no. If two people love…each other…” he looked at you for a half-second before shifting his gaze somewhere else. “then nothing else matters.” He turned to face you and took a step forward leaving the distance between you almost nonexistent.

Your heart began to race as you could see him standing so close to you, his eyes fixated on you. Usually, his expression was serious or unexpressive but this time his eyebrows were in a way that softened his gaze, a look that fitted him. He was almost unrecognizable to the man you had bumped into in the alleyway a few months ago.

“Feitan?” You felt your mouth move before you could stop yourself.

“Mmm?” he raised his eyebrows as he waited for you to ask what you wanted to know.

“Do you…do you…believe in love?”

How embarrassing, you couldn’t believe you had asked him that. “ _He’s a criminal, and I don’t mean that in a derogatory way, but he has better things to worry about than love! I’m so stupid!”_

“No and yes.” His face returned to the familiar serious look he normally had.

You nodded, letting him know you were listening. You two began to walk around the rows of books in the library.

“I didn’t for a long time. Love was something I read, in books…or heard idiots dream about. What’s the point? In the end…we all die right?” he was walking forward, not stopping to look at you.

“Oh…” you said disappointed, hoping you wouldn’t notice you were.

“But then…I don’t know.” He stopped in his tracks staring ahead intensely.

“Look. I need to tell you. I can’t be your friend. I have been thinking…about this. Too long. I can’t do it.” He added firmly.

You wanted the ground to swallow you up in that precise moment. You had asked him here for what? Now he was probably going to tell you this was the last time you would see each other. Maybe it was your fault for playing hard to get? _“Dammit. I really blew it this time.”_

“Because I can’t settle…for just having you as a friend. I need all of you. I didn’t know why. I don’t understand sometimes. But I think the reason why is because this feeling…the way I feel…it’s proving me that…maybe this stupid thing we were talking about is real.”

You could feel your senses return to you as the man beside you stared, waiting for you to say something. You had completely misread the situation. He wasn’t in fact parting ways with you but declaring what might be his affection for you.

“I agree. I don’t like this limbo we’re in right now. I didn’t want to let you off the hook for what happened recently but…” you could feel the room getting hotter, was it the temperature or just you?

“I’m afraid that if I don’t stop being so prideful…we would let 50 years go by, just like that couple from that book…and we would never know what could have been.”

And there it was, a clear confession from both of you. It was the hardest thing, getting you and Feitan to look past your pride to meet at a middle ground. Yet maybe it was the environment of the soothing and quiet library or the fact that you both were so bare and open at that moment, that the conditions finally combined perfectly to get where you were.

Feitan standing there with his eyes wide open in disbelief that such a kind yet prideful woman reciprocated his feeling, and your content that you finally understood what you were feeling, the love that was beginning to grow between the two of you.

* * *

Author's Note:

Thank you all SO much for 3,000 hits. I wrote this as a way to write my daydreams about some stories I would make up about Feitan but it's even better that so many of you like it! It means the world to me. I can't wait to keep writing because this story still has more to go! 


	23. The Fire of Desire

As you walked into your apartment you didn’t hesitate to kick your boots off and stretch your arms. Feitan followed behind you, always shyly standing in front of the doorway as if it was the first time he was over.

“You know you can sit down or do whatever you want, you’re hardly a stranger.” You giggled as you smiled at him, taking your jacket off and placing it on the coat rack next to you.

“Tch.” He glanced at you, placing a bag on the couch.

“What’s that?” you pointed at it curiously.

He walked over to you, reaching out to lightly brush your cheek.

“Not for strangers.” He lightly smiled, watching as your eyes widened in delight at his attempt to be humorous.

In the few months you had gotten to know the short man in front of you, he rarely if ever tried to be funny. He was usually serious, keeping to himself around others and only slightly opening up when he was alone with you. It was obvious with the increasing amount of time you spent with him, the more he relaxed when you two were alone. These were changes that didn’t go unnoticed by him. This worried him, how obvious it was to others how his mannerisms changed around you. It would be a weakness that enemies could exploit if he was not careful.

_“I do ask you though, please be careful and keep her safe”_ your father’s words rang in his head, and he took a step back.

“What’s wrong?” you wondered.

“Nothing.” He turned to look at the framed picture of you and your mother. _“Her father is right. I need to be careful not to involve her in anything I get into. This is exactly what I feared, getting close enough to someone I couldn’t bear losing.”_

“Your annoying friend…she won’t be coming this weekend right?” he continued as he rummaged through the bag he threw on the sofa.

“No, she’s on vacation with her boyfriend. She wouldn’t stop talking about how excited she was to go.” You remembered Hina’s ecstatic tone on the phone with her a few days ago.

“Good.” He firmly stated, pulling up the item he was searching for.

As you noticed him turn around a sly grin grew on his lips and he revealed a pair of handcuffs.

“What-what is that?” you nervously questioned.

“Don’t say a word.” He purred, swiftly picking you up. He carried you to your room and as you landed on the bed, he placed a kiss on your neck, bringing your shirt over your head. He undid your bra and right when you thought he was going for another kiss, he gripped your wrist and locked the handcuff around it, securing the other part on your bed frame. He followed these actions with your other hand. 

“I don’t know what you’re doing but…I like where it’s goi-“ Feitan quickly placed his hand over your mouth, bringing his index finger over his lips, motioning you to be silent.

“I said don’t talk.”

He walked over to the nightstand next to the bed and he reached for a candle on it. He reached for a lighter in his pocket and lit the candle. He stood in front of you, marveling at the sight of you half-naked and unable to move. Your heart began to race as you wondered what the black-haired man would do next.

Feitan began to undo your pants, taking them off and leaving you bare, with the exception of your panties.

He ran his fingers down your thighs, enjoying the way you pulled back in anticipation. His lips met your skin, and it was warm. He was allowing the need to satisfy his fantasies take over, and you caught a glimpse of the sultry fire in his eyes.

He ran his tongue up from your abdomen and paused your right nipple. He enclosed his mouth over it, sucking at it lightly before biting it. This was enough to make you squirm. The sensation of pleasure and pain was something that was becoming more addicting, the more he gave you, the more you needed.

“I don’t think…I’ve shown you exactly what I can do. I have used too much…restraint.” He taunted, running his nail down the inside of your thigh.

“Show me what you’ve got.” You looked up at him, beaming with excitement.

You felt his hand fasten around your neck at high-speed, tightening it a second later.

“What did I say…about talking?” His tone was soft yet firm.

He saw your eyes widen in surprise and his grip loosened. With his finger, he lifted your chin up and he met your lips with him, passionately slipping his tongue in. The heat around you intensified and the feel of his cool hand on your neck and the other on your jaw was electrifying you.

As he broke the exchange between you, he tore his shirt off and he reached for the candle on the table. He rapidly blew the flame out and he drew closer and whispered “Stay still”

The candle was raised about 10 inches above you, and he tilted the jar to let the wax fall on the skin of your thigh. You flinched when you felt the burning of the candle wax, but it was temporary. He then moved the candle a bit closer to your groin and let the liquid drop again, this time there was more. His face was covered in a devious grin, he could barely contain himself as he delighted at this moment with you.

He continued to pour the wax on your thighs, arms, and even on your breasts. This feeling was new to you, but it was thrilling and arousing.

The little light that filtered into the room reflected off his ebony locks and the curve of his strong arms. He was trying hard to control his breathing, he needed to contain himself no matter how much reveled at the sight of you like this.

The air surrounding you two was cool but the heat coming off your body was enough to keep him warm. He reached for an object he had previously placed on the nightstand, a small Tanto knife. As he secured it by the handle, he paused momentarily to see the look in your eyes.

Feitan began to remove the hardened wax on your thighs then worked his way up to your forearm and your abdomen. The blade felt cool against your skin, but it soothed the slight burning sensation you felt from the wax.

“Remember safe word? Don’t be scared to use…if I go too far” the words rolled off his tongue smoothly and you replied with a nod.

The knife began to push deeper into you, he was careful not to do it too quickly. He gripped your wrist right under the handcuff. The blade began to slice against your skin. The pain was tantalizing, it burned and yet it fired you up even more.

You returned this action with a devious smile, letting him know that you were ready for more. This was more than anything you had ever experienced before, pushing you past all the limits of what you once deemed as “normal”. The daredevil and adventurous spirit that burned inside of you knew that you greatly enjoyed the dangerous and thrilling side of life. _“More, more”_ the voice inside of you muffled out any thought of reason. _“I need more”_

The cuts on the inside of your wrists matched the ones he had so carefully and beautifully carved on the sides of your thighs. He could see how titillated you were, the warmth radiating from in between your legs was enough to overcome him, he unbuckled his pants and pulled your underwear off.

He raised the knife upon your cheek, taunting you. His smile revealed just how much he was enjoying this.

“Not your face…not ever your face.” He said as he carefully rubbed the knife against the skin of your cheek. “I could never ruin…your beautiful face.”

He promptly threw the knife. He ran his pale hands down the curve of your hips, feeling the wounds he had inflicted on you. His heart was racing, he could feel his pulse against your thigh as he gripped it. This was more than he could have ever dreamed of. Usually, when he took a victim to extract information from, he didn’t care about their pain or misery. He had taken the utmost caution not to harm you past the point of pleasure.

This restraint was something he had never shown before, was this a sign of weakness on his end? Had he gone soft? As he felt his desire take over, he placed himself inside you. Chills ran over his body as he sensed the warmth from your inside. He could barely contain himself, you could see just how much pleasure he took from making love with you just after what he had done with the wax and knife.

_“He’s…he’s incredible. I should be afraid of him but I don’t feel a tinge of fear. It’s like I know that I can trust my life in his hands.”_

As he thrust, the sounds of your moans aroused him even further. The sight of you tied up, with cuts on your wrists and other parts of your body, all caused by _him_ , he couldn’t hold it in anymore.

The next twenty minutes was full of elation, you felt yourself nearly go numb. He was relentless as he devoured your breasts and rammed himself in you. The sex between you was always breath-taking, and it just kept getting better. The unsaid truth that fueled your passion only made it greater. There was so much trust, understanding. Both you and Feitan had never shared a bond with anyone like this.

* * *

Throughout the long and cold night, the wind howled extensively, and the rattling of flying objects was loud. As you turned around in bed, you felt someone next to you and as you woke up startled you suddenly remembered that it was Feitan. Whenever he spent the night, he would usually sleep turned away from you. It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy cuddling, he just wasn’t used to it. He had spent every night for as long as he could remember alone, with only the warmth of his own body to keep out the cold.

The buzzing coming from the nightstand was enough to make him open both of his eyes. He had the settings on his phone to only go off at night if it was you, Chrollo, or Phinks. Since you were lying next to him, he knew it could only be one of the latter. He swiftly picked up the phone, unlocking it to reveal the message on it.

***New message from Phinks***

**8am tomorrow, warehouse on the corner of 14 th and 7th.**

As he glanced at the time on the clock, he turned over to face you. Feitan watched as drew breath, your face was so peaceful as you slumbered. He was never one to take the time to cherish the small moments in life as they seemed unimportant and irrelevant, yet he was always mesmerized by the smallest things you would do.

He carefully grabbed your wrist, rubbing his thumb across the bandages he had lovingly wrapped around the wounds he had given you. You had so much faith in him, you let him take over you, break your skin, and heal you.

When you looked at him, you did not see a monster, but a lover and a human being. One of the things he loved about you the most was the way you saw him as normal yet extraordinary at the same time. To you, he was not a murderer or torturer, a criminal, and a gang member. He was Feitan, the man she cared so deeply for, the man she knew in her heart wouldn’t hurt her.

He only had a few more hours left to spend by your side before he had to meet his comrades. It was strange to him, seeing normal couples on the television spending the whole night wrapped in each other’s arms. He was so used to sleeping alone that this concept was foreign to him. Yet something even stranger controlled him as he placed his arm over your waist and brought you closer to him.

_“She’s not fragile, but she lets herself be vulnerable to me. Why am I so involved with someone so different from me?”_

This was something he always asked himself. He came from the rubble, trash, nothing. By the age of seven, he’d taken his first life, and by twelve he had learned to harden his heart in order to shield himself from the cruelty of life. At this moment instead of feeling the usual confusion when pondering his situation with you, he felt gratitude and hope. Maybe, just maybe there was a future for you and him. This was the only desire he felt as he held you tighter.


	24. There's Something in the Shadows

While you sat at the table of your favorite restaurant in town, you watched out the window as pedestrians walked by, families with their children, university students rushing to get to class, workers hurrying back from their lunch breaks. It was an eerie feeling as if things were _too_ normal on this Saturday afternoon. You couldn’t exactly figure out how, but there was a lingering feeling of anxiety. There was something lurking in the shadows of the future.

You sipped the coffee you had ordered, finally looking away from the window. Your mind wandered elsewhere, as it usually did nowadays. You thought about Feitan, where he was, and how he was doing. He had snuck out early that morning, leaving behind the empty space next to you in bed, and a small note on the nightstand by its side.

**_“Sorry I had to leave. I will call later. Maybe”_ **

“Maybe…what does that even mean? You would think that after a few months he could quit with these games.” You placed your hand under your chin as you felt worry creep behind you. 

Ever since your father had come to town and visited you, things between you and Feitan had escalated and it was happening so suddenly you barely had time to process it.

“THERE YOU ARE!” The loud shrill of a woman’s voice disrupted your daydreaming, and you turned around to face a very familiar periwinkle-haired woman.

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you!” Hina exclaimed.

“How come you always know how to find me in a city with millions of people?” you sighed playfully looking up at your friend.

“Find My Friends! Remember? You share your location with me but sometimes you move so fast and to so many places it’s hard to catch up!” she raised her cellphone and pointed at the screen.

“Oh…that. I forgot about that” you giggled and moved your purse to make room for Hina.

Your friend gladly took your invitation to sit down, threw herself on the chair, and began to nervously run her fingers through her hair. It was rare for Hina to be nervous or anxious, and this alerted you that something was up.

“What brings you here? It’s not that I’m not happy to see you it’s just that for you to come to find me in person instead of calling first means that there’s something important going on.” You were extremely perceptive, more than you usually let on.

Hina’s face lit up in excitement, her smile wasn’t big enough to contain her emotions.

“Well Y/N, I came here because I need to ask you a **super** important question. It’s a matter of life or death!” Hina dramatically spoke.

“Oh god…” your friend had always theatrical, so this didn’t surprise you.

“Okay so…” she raised her hand, bringing it close to your face. On her left ring finger, a silver diamond ring quickly caught your attention. It was glaring and bright, no one could miss it from a mile away.

  
“OH MY GOD!” this time you meant it; your eyes filled with the same excitement Hina had.

“He proposed?! Hin! This is amazing! I’m so happy for you two!” You didn’t care if you were being too loud at this point. “Wait what is the question though?” you added.

“You should already know this Y/N! You need to be my Maid of Honor!”

“That’s not really a question but I would love to. When’s the big date?” you replied cheerfully.

“We had originally thought of having a long engagement as they do in the movies in order to draw out the suspense, but you know me I’m too impatient so we’re actually getting married in three months.”

“Three months? That’s really soon! How will you get everything ready in time?” you were slightly taken aback by how suddenly things were changing.

“That was easy! I already knew he was going to propose so I set everything up a few months in advance. You know me, I have to plan everything down to the smallest detail!” Hina chimed, unlocking her phone to reveal the wedding dress she had picked out.

As you watched your friend babble on and on about the color of the flowers for the reception, you couldn’t help but notice the stark contrast between you two. While you had been raised to plan out your goals and activities, you never had much attention span to plan more than a day ahead. You liked to live life on the edge of your seat, as spontaneous as possible. This could be a remnant of the more adventurous side of your personality that had only been highlighted more recently since you met Feitan.

It wasn’t that you and Hina had grown apart in the past few months, it was that you were finally beginning to be more of your true self. You had become more spontaneous, carefree, and lighthearted. You were beginning to detach yourself from the monotonous routine of the city. You knew this was because of _his_ influence, and you couldn’t help but smile as you secretly thanked him in your head.

“Oh yeah and one more thing, you can bring a plus one. You can even bring your Grim reaper if you want.” A smirk left her lips as she teased, placing her hand over yours.

* * *

The air surrounding them was particularly cold this morning. Feitan missed the warmth of your bed as he felt the contrast of the chilly wind against his face. He had both his hands in his pockets as he leaned against the wall of the abandoned warehouse. In his left hand, he traced his fingers over a scrunchie he had swiped from your wrist before he left.

“We don’t know how long the exorcism will take. Even then we have yet to think about handling Hisoka.” Nobunaga exclaimed; he had been speaking for a few minutes at this point.

“I know the Boss will leave nothing of him behind if he gives Hisoka what he so desperately wants-a one on one fight. He’s an idiot, we should have never trusted him” Machi scorned, never looking at any of the other members as the words came out of her mouth.

“Until that happens, we should all be on the lookout for him, who knows what he’s capable of” Nobunaga added.

“Well that is true, Hisoka can be extremely unpredictable. Needless to say, we all need to be on high alert” Shalnark cheerfully said, wagging his pointer finger in the air.

At this point, Feitan, Franklin, Kortopi, and Bonolenov had been the only members who hadn’t said a word since arriving. While it was understandable given the fact they were the quietest ones, Feitan was never one to miss the opportunity to give his opinion about Hisoka. He had always disliked him; he did not trust him from the second they met. He had a bad hunch about him, and these feelings of his were rarely if ever wrong. He had made it a point to keep an eye on Hisoka when he masqueraded as a member of the Troupe, and whenever Feitan was among his other comrades he always let them know just how much he detested him.

“Feitan I find it hard to believe you don’t want to rub it in everyone’s face how you always hated our little traitorous clown” Machi snickered, her deep blue eyes piercing at the black-haired man.

Feitan was quick to return her glare, he didn’t appreciate being called out.

“He’s been distracted lately if you know what I mean.” Phinks teased as he avoided looking at his friend.

“Feitan? Distracted? That’s hard to believe” Shizuku laughed.

“What exactly do you mean Phinks?” Machi’s tone was always cold and serious and this time was no exception.

“He’s gone ahead and started messing with a pretty little Hunter.” The tall blonde replied, carefully watching the expression on Feitan’s face.

The torturer wasn’t even bothered by Phinks revealing the details of his personal life; he had always been terrible at keeping secrets. He knew it would come to light eventually, he just didn’t expect it to be so soon. The members of the Phantom Troupe usually avoided speaking about their personal lives, but the founding constituents often broke this unspoken rule. They had grown up together, struggled together, and formed the Spider together. There was a special bond between all of them.

As they had all matured into adults the more private details of their lives would usually be something told in confidence. Out of all of them, Feitan was the one with the most unamusing personal life. There had never been a person who was special enough to keep around, or even speak of them to his comrades. These were all facts Machi took into consideration as she processed Phink’s declaration.

“A…Hunter? Like Pro Hunter?” The pink-haired woman asked, only slightly raising her eyebrow.

“Yeah, those,” Phinks replied.

“Feitan what are you thinking?! Real Pro Hunters have a price on our heads. Even if they have called out the massive manhunt from the auction, this is not the time to be reckless!”

“Shalnark is a Hunter.” Phinks retorted, bringing his arms up to cross them over his head.

“Yeah, but he was a Spider before he became a Hunter. We know where his loyalty lies.” She snapped.

The air around them became tense, filled with uncertainty and confusion. Machi didn’t know why she felt so angered at the idea of Feitan being with someone, anyone. Maybe it came from a place of wanting to protect him since they had grown up together. More than anything she feared the repercussions of his carelessness. Could this mystery woman betray him? Did she know who he really was?

“Listen we have other things to worry about than who Feitan’s sleeping with.” Franklin blurted out bluntly. He had become annoyed at the bickering.

“No, I don’t give a shit about his personal life Franklin. The problem is who he is associating himself with, this could be dangerous to us. Don’t you understand how easy it would be for that woman to sell him out? Do you think she cares?” Machi’s tone was full of anger, she was growing more frustrated.

It was a rare occasion if Machi ever brought herself to care about anything. In all honesty, she was still recovering from the hurt of Hisoka’s betrayal. She was used to being hurt, guarding herself against any more pain by putting up an icy persona.

“You don’t know anything about her. I would advise…you to keep her out of your mouth _Machi_.” Feitan’s words were sharp and unforgiving. He had to remember to calm himself, this was not the moment for his anger to get the better of him.

The pink-haired woman didn’t hesitate to walk up to him, there were a few inches of height difference, but she didn’t tower over him. She brought her mouth up close to his ear.

“You can do whatever the hell you want, I won’t stop you. But if you think anyone would be loyal to you and not betray you, you’re more naïve than I thought. Wait until she finds out who you really are, just wait Feitan. And if she already has and she hasn’t run away, then just know there is a more sinister reason keeping her there. We’re criminals, don’t you forget that. We’ll never be able to have that picture-perfect life that others can. Be careful, that’s not a suggestion but a threat.”

As the people that once surrounded him began to fade into the distance, Feitan began to walk faster. This was the only way he could shift his mind away from the fire of rage that was burning in his heart.

“Stupid Machi. What does she know? To speak about F/N like she knows the first thing about her. I could kill her!” He mumbled quietly to himself. Even as he reassured himself that you could never, and would never betray him, the smallest sliver of doubt lingered in his head. He had only been taught to distrust, anyone, and everyone.

In his mind, only one image was enough to bring him back to senses, away from the dizzying anger and doubt; you.


	25. *Mini Chapter*

*Author's Note*

As a big thank you for reaching 4k hits, and all the supportive comments, I decided to upload a deleted scene from one of the previous chapters as a mini-chapter for you all! I also wanted to ask you all: What are some things you would like to see in this fanfiction? Comment below. Enjoy, and i'll see you all this upcoming Thursday!

* * *

credit: @asg_asa on Twitter

After a grueling and lengthy week of processing paperwork at the lab, the only thing you could look forward to this weekend was devouring a pint of ice cream and other junk food items.

You took a detour home from work to the grocery store. You were so exhausted, you didn’t even take the time to look at your phone as it vibrated in your pocket. _“It’s probably Feitan. I’ll answer it when I get home.”_ Your feet ached from standing over the copy machine all day but you pushed yourself just enough to get you through the aisles of the store.

As you made your way to the frozen food section you sighed as you noticed the selection had be rearranged. Scanning the aisle for your favorite flavor of the desert, you noticed someone walk behind you.

You were so focused on the task in front of you that you didn’t notice that figure that loomed behind you didn’t retreat. Your senses were dulled, you hadn’t been sleeping well lately or even eating well. This often happened when you had too much on your mind, and an issue regarding a particular black-haired assassin was troubling you.

**“How long does it take…you to pick something.”**

The soft and almost soothing tone was all too familiar by now. You swiftly twirled around to face the person behind you, and sure enough, Feitan stood inched away from you. His complexion was particularly pale today, even more than usual. His eyes were completely grey, probably due to the fact that he was wearing all black, a hoodie and black pants.

“They changed the arrangement of this section! It’s hard to find what I’m looking for! Wait, what are you doing here?” you questioned him and as you did you couldn’t help but smile.

“Phinks asked to get him beer.” He replied, bringing his hand up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear, a habit he had formed recently since spending more time with you.

“Why you here?” He continued.

“Hard day. I needed something to help wash my feelings away. What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?” You asked as you finally reached out for the item you had been searching for.

“Don’t eat that too much…but if I have to choose…vanilla maybe”

You grabbed two pints, one for him and one for you and you walked forward as you glanced back to make sure he was still behind you.

“What do you like to eat when you feel like eating junk food?” you had realized that these were the small details about him that eluded you. They didn’t matter, it’s not like his favorite ice cream flavor would be a deal-breaker, yet your curiosity was well-meaning.

“Me?” Feitan wondered. He only hesitated to reply because he was taken aback at the fact that you even cared about something so trivial like that. No one had ever taken the time to really ask him things like this.

“I guess a lot of spicy food. Really spicy.” He finally finished his sentence walking behind you as you began searching for more snacks.

“That makes a lot of sense. I’m not surprised.” You let out a soft giggle, and as you did, one of the pints fell from your hands.

His reaction was lightning fast, you didn’t even blink before he had rushed to grab it just before it hit the ground and now, he was standing in front of you with the ice cream container in his hand.

“You know I would have caught that if you hadn’t”

“Sure. You are slow.” Feitan’s eyes widened slightly, letting you know he was attempting to joke with you. He felt at ease, calm even.

“Here let’s see how much spicy you can take.” You reached for a large bag of the hottest chips you could find. “And we’re gonna add some of this to it to.” You raised a bottle of chili sauce at him, raising your eyebrows in a playful manner.

“Sure, but if I can eat… what you give me without breaking a sweat…you have to eat it too.”

“Doesn’t Phinks need his beer?” you nervously tried to divert the topic.

“He can wait.”

* * *

Back at your apartment, Feitan sat on your couch holding a bowl of hot chips with a generous amount of sauce poured over them. _“No one could ever eat this without crying_ ” you thought to yourself.

You watched in amazement as the man in front of you finished the entire bowl without even changing his expression. It took you a second to snap out of it.

“You have to finish the whole bag! You’re cheating!” you knew that there was no way you could eat what he did and not blow your head out.

“Shutup! Sore loser! Your turn now.” He poured the sauce directly in the bag of remaining hot chips, a sly smile drawing on his lips as he thought of you crying out in pain just for eating this.

“No please! I promise I won’t ever make a bet with you again!” you pleaded with him.

“No. Eat this whole bowl. You made a deal. You don’t break deals with me.” His stern tone was enough to make you reach out for the bag reluctantly.

  
You felt your tongue was on fire after eating the fourth small handful. Tears began to stream from your eyes and all Feitan could do was laugh at you while you were begging for water. You could handle the heat when it came to food, but nowhere near him.

“That’s enough.” He chuckled, bringing a glass of water up to your mouth. As you drank it desperately you looked into his eyes and couldn’t help but notice the look in them.

“Brave, I’ll give you that.” He said as he brought his arm around your shoulder and pulled you closer to him.


	26. I Wish I Could Tell You

Perhaps it had been the excessive amount of alcohol she had consumed, or maybe the hours she had spent staring at the wall in front of her, but Machi felt nothing but a glaring numbness. It was a terrible habit of hers, drinking until she didn’t have to feel anymore. What did she want to drown out so desperately she could only do so by becoming inebriated?

Sure, no one she knew including herself had a good life per se, they never really stood a chance. But even after all these years, why had everyone else except for her found a purpose in life, why had they all been able to form some semblance of a normal life but her?

There were many ghosts that haunted her. Emotions that evaded her, experiences she denied ever wanting but yearned for secretly. Truth be told, one of the most painful experiences for her was being deeply in love with someone who only saw her as a friend. Machi always felt a sentimental attachment to her until it turned romantic. Yet Pakunoda never returned the feeling; she saw Machi as a younger sister more than a lover.

The pink-haired woman spent years trying to forget that harrowing feeling. She distanced herself from the other members including Paku but she never forgot how much she and the rest of them meant to her.

For the first time in her life, Hisoka had made her feel like someone permanent and important. She was always confident and sure of herself, but she had only ever had herself. Machi didn’t know what it felt like to have another person lay by her side. She consistently turned him down, until she finally gave in one night.

The complicated nature of this relationship was many things, but normal and romantic was not it. They were mostly nights filled with raw lust and passion, nothing more than moments where both Hisoka and she did not want to be alone.

His betrayal stung deeply, and what hurt the most was having to deal with the pain of losing Pakunoda. In a matter of hours, Machi lost so much, and she was still trying to cope with it all.

This was probably why she felt so confused about her confrontation with Feitan. Why did she even care? She had known him since she was little, they always had each other’s backs but it was no different than with any other founding member of the Troupe.

“It’s not fair…” she drunkenly whispered.

“There’s gotta be something I can do to make sure Feitan doesn’t make the same mistake as I did…trust someone…an outsider…”

* * *

You had grown used to the quiet knock on the door that always indicated that a certain black-haired man was waiting behind it. As you heard the sound on the door, you quickly rushed to make sure you looked presentable.

As you revealed the man just behind the door, he couldn’t look happier to see you. You didn’t have to wait for a second for him to walk in.

“Hey! I wasn’t expecting you but then again I never expect to see you when I do.” You cheerfully greeted him.

“Is that…a problem?” Feitan didn’t seem to be in a good mood.

“Oh no, I’m always happy to see you.” This was true, no matter the occasion, you were always glad to spend more time with him.

Whenever you met up with him, he never greeted you with a kiss, and rarely did he ever hug you. He was the type of man to prove his affection in other ways. He didn’t really understand how relationships were supposed to work, but who really did?

As you lay in bed staring at the ceiling your mind shifted to a different place momentarily. You suddenly felt the cold feeling of his hand against your cheek.

“Hey so there’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you,” you said as you looked into his eyes, he immediately pulled his arm back.

His heart began to race, and he looked away. What was this that you wanted to ask him? _“Is it something bad?”_ he couldn’t help but wonder.

“Hina is getting married soon. Honestly, I’m surprised because the last thing I knew they were broken up but I’m happy for her.” Ask you spoke, your eyes looked up as you thought.

Feitan had to stop himself from sighing, but he was relieved this was what the “question” you had for him was about. While he processed what you told him he couldn’t help but admire the scene in front of him. The thing he hated the most was how easily you could mesmerize him, how a simple smile from your lips could be enough to make him blush. He was a grown man yet he felt like these were all emotions he couldn’t control, and he didn’t know why.

You watched as he stared at you in deep thought, and you patiently waited for his reply. His eyes had a habit of turning a darker shade of grey when he wrinkled his forehead as he pondered. He was the type of person to improvise his actions, planning wasn’t really his forte. Yet in the time he had met you, he had spent more time thinking than he had before.

“Married? Why does she want…to get married?” Feitan always had a hard time understanding the details of what society deemed as a “normal” relationship.

“Well Hina’s the type of person to have her 5-year plan and every detail down to what flowers she’ll have at the ceremony has been planned out. I guess it’s something she really wants and I support her fully, I just hope he’s the right guy.”

“Why would she marry if it’s wrong guy?”

“She thinks it’s the right time to get married and have kids, it’s her timeline I guess. She’s been wanting kids for a few years now and now that she’s nearly 29 she feels time is running out.” You remembered this exact conversation with her a year ago.

_“I don’t want to be an old maid Y/N! I need to hurry up and find a boyfriend so I can marry the poor fool!”_

_“Hina that’s a pretty outdated and rude term. There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ time to settle down. I mean I actually would prefer if I never got married. I don’t see myself with anyone really.”_

_“I need to set you up with someone then!”_

_“NO”_

Out of all the things in life you often thought about, finding someone to spend your life with was not a priority or even something you spent time on. Yet as you glanced at the pale dark-haired man directly in front of you, there was a weird feeling of uncertainty and hope. Did you suddenly feel different about what you told Hina all that time ago?

“Is that how you feel? Like time runs out for you?” This was something you didn’t expect him to ask.

“What? No. I don’t think there is a right or wrong way to do anything, just “my” way.” You replied.

“Oh. So you think marriage is stupid?” He said this as he let himself fall back onto your bed.

“I don’t think so, I just wouldn’t use Hina’s reasons to get married for myself. I think I would like to maybe, one day. I don’t know…” You turned your head to the side in embarrassment, not wanting to meet his eyes at this moment.

“Anyway, what I wanted to ask you if you wanted to come with me…to her wedding? I don’t know if that’s really your thing but I would really appreciate it if you were there too.”

A few seconds passed before you felt a hand on your shoulder, Feitan’s hard grip.

“As long as idiot friend doesn’t object to me going…I’ll go.” He used his free hand to turn your face to meet him, and the distance between you and him grew even smaller.

You closed your eyes in anticipation for what was to come, and sure enough, you were right. It wasn’t often that you were, as Feitan could be extremely unpredictable. For the first time, you and he were in sync, he could feel he knew what you would do next and you could feel just how much passion he had with the kiss he entangled you with.

The warmth of his lips, the way you knew he was smiling even through this kiss without having to open your eyes, you knew just how much you appreciated him there.

“There is something I want to say.” His words interrupting the action you two were just a few seconds ago involved in.

“What’s that?” you asked, slightly concerned. You were in your every right to be worried about any change in mood Feitan displayed.

“One thing I think about a lot…is how just one small change in an action…can change everything…that day…the day we met in the alley…I was only there at that time because Phinks called me and I stopped to answer…I never take that way home but that time I did because…something told me to do so…” He looked at you, memorizing the soft expression on your face.

“My point is…if I had changed anything about my decision that day…we would have never met…if I hadn’t chosen that alley…or if Phinks hadn’t called…we wouldn’t be here right now…together.” He finally looked into your eyes, this time a light purple shade reflecting off of them. The glow from the sunlight outside highlighted his cheeks and his lips, even the curve of his jawline.

“which makes me think…how careful I need to be with my choices…they could lead to the end of us…and that is something I don’t ever want.” He continued.

The moments after making his declaration were the worst. He didn’t know if he had said the right thing or even if you reciprocated his feelings. He felt like a fool, maybe he had gone too far and said something you might find stupid or repulsive.

“I’m just glad Phinks called you then. You know if I wasn’t so distracted and if I didn’t have a bad habit of always being late to work, I wouldn’t have run into you. So I guess it’s on both of us huh?” you giggled at him, placing your hand over his.

You did feel the same way as he did. This fact delighted him more than anything. This was all new to him, and while he knew that somewhere along the line things could and probably would go bad, he could only be selfish and want to spend any moment he could with you.

“I didn’t say this before but…I was actually about to leave York New before I met you. I was to leave the next week…but I could help but figure out what about you…was so interesting…and addictive.”

Feitan had grown tired of the bustling city. He had only decided to stay for a while after the auction heist because Phinks had insisted on it. After a few weeks, his heart yearned for a new adventure, since he was fickle and always bored with the mundane rhythm of regular life. But there was one thing that stopped him in his tracks, a meeting with a cheerful and oddly nice woman who was in too much of a rush to notice she had left her book behind. At this moment had had never been more grateful to an inanimate object for bringing you two together.

“I need to start getting ready for work…” you lamented, for the first time in your life you actually hated the idea of going.

“Call in sick.” He replied quickly, not even looking away from the window. He was only looking at the golden rays of the sun as it rose; you had stayed up all night with him.

“Okay. Hey Fei?” Feitan could only think about how perfect the sweet tone of your voice went with the beauty of the waking sun.

“Mm?” was all that came out of his mouth.

“If you leave York New…which I’m sure will happen eventually…would you leave me behind?”

This was something he had actually thought of. Being a member of a renowned band of thieves with a class A bounty on their heads meant he would probably be on the run for the rest of his life. This was a fact he had come to terms with a long time ago. But now that there was another person involved, he contemplated what decision would be best for you and him.

“No. I don’t think leaving you behind is an option.” He murmured.

There was so much more he wanted to say right now. _“I’m crazy about you and I would kidnap you if I had to.”_ Or _“maybe you should stay with me forever, I’ll protect you from everything.”_ Yet the habit he had developed of being cold and stoic was incredibly hard to break, no matter how fast his heart would beat when he was next to you.

This was what was to be expected from a hardened criminal like him. Even when his heart melted deep down inside at the sight of you, he felt his tongue how numb when trying to express just how special you were to him.

“Y/N…I…”


	27. She's Colder Than the Winter Breeze

Author's Note: 

So so sorry for missing last Thursday! I was in the middle of finals week and I'm glad to say I'm finally finished with this semester! I had to take a week off to finish all of my assignments and exams. I hope you enjoy this week's chapter! Thank you so much for your continued support. 

* * *

_“I…I… think we should go somewhere…. together this weekend.”_ Feitan’s soft, soothing voice was the only thing ringing in your head.

You remembered how your heart began to race and your face began to flush as you braced yourself for what would come after the “I”. Yet mostly due to embarrassment and anxiety, Feitan never said what he wanted to.

_“Come with me somewhere. We can spend some time alone away from the city.”_

It came as a surprise to you, as you were usually the one suggesting where to go on dates, but it seemed as if he was excited to take you away for a few days. You didn’t hesitate to use another sick day to skip work tomorrow, and you had the weekend off already. This was the first time you actually didn’t want to work. The world and all it had to offer outside of the lab was so much more enticing now.

As you paced around your apartment deep in thought, a soft knock on the door brought you back to your senses. You quickly made your way to unlock the door and drew a deep breath before opening it.

“A romantic getaway with Mr. Dreary! It’s so exciting you’re finally getting out of town a little more!” Hina loudly sang as she threw herself on your couch, ignoring any and every object that was on it.

“I was surprised when he asked. He doesn’t seem like the type to want to go anywhere unless it’s for work.” You added quietly.

“Work?” Hina said lifting an eyebrow. She had many redeeming qualities, and one of them was that as much as she joked around, she never truly judged anyone. She was always too concerned about her own life and she understood that she didn’t know everything there was to know about a person or their decisions in life.

Yet something made her nervous whenever you spoke about your mysterious companion and whatever activities he was involved in. Hina knew you were smart, you were no fool, but if you were too deeply involved with someone and they ended up being something like a criminal, she had no idea how this would end for you. The best she could do was trust you, however, and this came from a place of endearment.

“He’s not a model citizen I know. But none of us are really. There’s just something about him…I know he could never hurt me like that. I…trust him.” It amazed you just how easily these words rolled off your tongue, you didn’t hesitate for a second.

“You took the day off tomorrow, right? Just be careful, you don’t want the boss to give you a warning about attendance. You already have a tardy issue” she chuckled, diverting the subject of the conversation.

“Yeah, I know. Honestly, I haven’t been up to going to work lately. I don’t know it’s odd, I don’t feel like my heart’s in the right place anymore when it comes to that.” You replied, staring off at the empty space in front of you. Ever since you met the black-haired thief, your heart longed for more out of life. More adventure, more spontaneity, more _thrill_.

You could feel an overwhelming feeling of excitement as you thought about spending the weekend away with him, and that was the beauty of him. You never knew what to expect. Yet you also knew that it was way more than an adventure for you. What was this feeling of warmth and happiness you felt whenever you thought of him? Your mind was so often filled with the image of him, his infrequent smile, and the sound of his laughter.

“You know, I think you love him,” Hina said in the most serious tone she had.

* * *

It was getting colder in Yorknew City as the end of the year was approaching. Feitan loved the cold, having spent his youth in a desert city where it was always scorching hot. As he walked through the streets he would occasionally spot a woman with the same hair color as yours, and for a second, his heart would skip a beat. Yet the familiar feeling of your warm aura was absent, and he knew it wasn’t you.

Now nearing the door of his apartment building, another familiar aura that wasn’t Phinks began to overcome Feitan. He paused momentarily, he knew exactly who it was, and his brows furrowed, a frown began to form on his face.

The sound of his footsteps could barely be heard, only the slow creaking of the wooden door echoed in the building.

“Leave.” His voice was stern, his patience was already thin. His foot quickly slipped between the door frame to keep it from closing.

Sitting in front of him was the pink-haired woman, her arms draped over the couch, legs crossed. She was wearing black leather pants that highlighted the length of her legs, and a pink fur coat. Her eyes did not move from her hand, as she had a habit of feeling her fingers whenever there was tension around her.

“I’m not going anywhere. Phinks invited me over so I think I’ll stay. I’m only in town for a bit.”

The door slammed behind him, and he hurried into his room, slamming a second door.

He didn’t care to know why she was there. In the past few years, he and Machi had grown more and more distant. Despite her assurance that she hated Hisoka, he always knew there was something there. It didn’t bother him if she was romantically involved with the deceitful magician, he just didn’t want any part of that.

“Feitan open the door. You act like I’m a stranger.” She knocked on the door, her fists meeting the cold wood.

“Why you here? I know Phinks didn’t invite you, he’s out for the next few days.” It was true, his friend had let him know that morning that he wouldn’t be back for 2 days or so.

“I just wanted to talk. Goddammit Feitan why does everything have to be so difficult with you?” she sighed, releasing her hands from the door.

“Nothing to say. Just stay away from me.” He said under his breath as he began to pack a black duffel bag.

“I’ll just have to do this the hard way then idiot.” Machi reached for the needle pin on her wrist and she delicately placed it inside the hole of the doorknob. Within a few seconds, the door unlocked, creaking open.

“Look it sucks, what happened last week. I’m just trying to look out for you. After everything we’ve been through.” Her blue eyes were widened slightly, a rare sight for a serious woman like her.

“Don’t need you to look out for me.” Feitan continued the task in front of, his eyes not meeting Machi’s once.

“I know that. None of us do but I think you’re making a mistake Fei.”

The window was cracked open, and a slight cold breeze made its way inside. There was much more than the wind that separated the two. Machi had always looked up to him, as they grew older she often wondered what feelings grew between all of the members of the Phantom Troupe. Most of them meant strictly business, but the ones who had grown together had a special connection unlike any other.

“You’re going with her right?” she said as she stepped forward, closing the gap between them.

For the first time, Feitan looked up, into her cold blue eyes. He was unamused, and there was no hiding that. He swiftly pulled his arm back in time as Machi reached for him.

“Don’t touch me. Leave I already said it. I don’t want to talk. You have your life I have mine. You are a comrade, a friend even, but you have no business in my personal life.”

They both stayed silent, the room was cold and tense. Machi had come with a plan to speak to him, let him know just how dangerous it is to trust a stranger. Yet as his words cut sharply like a knife, she found herself at a loss for words. Maybe it would be best to back off, let him be. A gnawing pain she knew all too well reminded her of what could happen to him.

“Please. Stay.” She struggled to be nice, to be honest. She never made a habit of using pleasantries, much less with him.

“I know what it’s like to want to be with someone. It’s nice at first but you have to listen to me Feitan, it breaks you when they leave. No one ever wants anything to do with people like us. We don’t belong anywhere, much less here. You’re lying to yourself if you think things could be different for you and her.” She added and the pain in her eyes illuminated them.

He paused for a second to look at her. He caught himself almost feeling sorry for her. Feitan knew she was speaking of Hisoka. But you _were_ different. Hisoka was evil, he had no time for anyone’s agenda but his own. He didn’t care about using people and discarding them once they had served their purpose.

“I will only say this once Machi, and only because I respect you as we are part of the same spider. Stay out of it, or you will regret it.”

With that, he slid the window open, duffel bag in hand, and slipped out into the fire escape. He was gone in a blink of an eye.

“No Feitan…you’ll be the one regretting it.”

* * *

“Well, I’ll be damned,” Hina whispered in awe as she watched you walk into the car Feitan was driving.

He had pulled up in a nice black sedan, it was an expensive car. As you put on your seat belt you couldn’t help but giggle “where did you get this?”

“Hey! Bring her back in one piece!” your friend pleaded jokingly, and you watched as the car sped forward, waving goodbye.

“Hmm why does that matter?” He mumbled, rubbing his chin while the other hand remained on the steering wheel.

“It doesn’t I just didn’t know you had a car.”

“I didn’t until today.” He replied, smirking for a split second.

“I don’t even want to know” you chuckled nervously.

“I can afford a car like this you know.” Feitan felt like you were mocking him, yet he knew that wasn’t something you would do.

“What? Why does that matter, I don’t care about money.” You stated as your eyes began to fixate on the scenery in the window.

“Me neither. But I think in a different way than you.”

“What do you mean?” you asked, turning your head to face him and placing it on the palm of your hand.

“Real thieves don’t care for the value of money…or riches. It’s about the hunt, the thrill of the heist. But at the end of the day we…have a lot of money because we have been…successful you can say.”

“If I was a thief, I’d probably give it to the people who needed it the most.”

“We do that too sometimes. It’s been a while since the last time…but we do give back to our people and the poor.” He divulged.

“You really don’t want to know where I got this?” He smiled at you, teasing you as he poked your arm.

“No, I don’t care really! Where are we going?”

“It’s a 5-hour drive. We’re going to a place where it snows a lot. Cabins in the woods. Heard it was nice thought you would like.”

You made the time pass by recounting the few vacations you took with your mother, and him revealing that for the first 18 years of his life he had never left Meteor City. You felt joy in knowing that he wanted to spend a few days alone with you, and only you.

The scenery around you began to grow white with snow, the trees slimmer, and a darker green. The air was colder as the window was fogging up. You huffed on it and drew a heart.

“Almost there.”

“Is there a specific reason why you wanted to go away with me?” you asked, it was a question that had been on your mind for a while.

“Do I need a reason to go somewhere with…my girlfriend?” he growled.

“Oh no, I’m just hoping you didn’t bring me out here to break up with me or something haha…” you laughed nervously, bringing your hand up to cover your face in embarrassment.

“Why would I do that?”

Feitan knew nothing of relationships or how any of this was supposed to go. He didn’t know about the small insecurities you had or how deep down inside you feared him abandoning you.

As the car came to a halt, you reached for the backseat for your winter coat. You were parked a dozen feet in front of a beautiful log cabin, and snow was already beginning to cover the roof.

As you walked in you knew there was something off about the way Feitan was acting. Your instincts told you to panic, and a reminder that he was as unpredictable as he was addicting was glaring in your mind.

“Is everything okay? You’ve been awfully quiet, even for your standards.”

“Yes. Just had a long day.” He stepped forward, bringing his hand up to tuck in a loose strand of your hair, a habit he was beginning to form.

“It’s beautiful up here, I love it.” You looked around at your surroundings.

“There is a reason why I brought you here, I lied.” He declared, his voice coming from behind you.

Your heart began to race, what was the reason? It could go both ways, but knowing how flaky he was, you couldn’t help but think the worse. You clenched your eyes closed in anxiety and braced yourself for his next words.

“Open your eyes.” He was now in front of you.

As you did just that, his hands extended outward and a large opened jewelry box was placed on the palm of his hands. You stared for a few seconds before you recognized the necklace before your eyes.

Your mother’s diamond necklace you had sold so many years ago, still as bright and shiny as ever. You were speechless, as you couldn’t bring yourself to collect your thoughts into words.

You were never the type to care much for material things, but this was the one exception. Your mother cherished this necklace, and her mother had passed it down to her from her own mother.

“I never thought I’d see this again…where did you get this?” Your eyes began to fill with tears, you couldn’t help but be overwhelmed with sadness and joy at the same time.

“You said this meant a lot to you and your mother. I found it and got it back for you.” He replied as he lifted it out of the box. “Here, put it on.”

You lifted your hair off the back of your neck and felt the cold silver hit your skin.

“you didn’t have to Feitan…thank you.” You beamed, bringing your eyes to meet his.

“I would do anything for you.”


	28. The Nightmares that Haunt Us

Art Credits: @asg_asa on Twitter

The cement under you was growing colder, the palm of your hands buried deep into it that you know it would leave grainy indents on your hands. The pitter-patter of the rain around you wasn’t relaxing, but unnerving. You could see a part of your body mirrored in a puddle in front of you, but you dared not look long enough to fixate on your details.

It was getting late and you had lost track of time hours ago. The wet road and the water that was running along it reflected the red beacon lights that meant only one thing; something had gone _very_ wrong.

Your mind had nearly drowned out the commotion in the vicinity, but you could still clearly hear the sound of rain falling off the roof and into the puddle in front of you. It was cold, and others around you thought it was strange that you were wearing nothing but a t-shirt, yet you sat clutching a navy-blue parka.

“Sweetie, you should probably put that thing on, you’ll get sick.” The voice of the policewoman could barely be heard over the shower of the rain.

You couldn’t see faces, just shadows. Voices became more muffled as you focused on them.

Sitting on the steps of you and your mother’s house, you rocked forward, nearly touching the yellow tape blocking entry to your home.

Just a few hours prior, your mother had asked you to stop by the tailor’s shop to pick up her coat she had gotten altered. You took a detour on the way back on your bicycle to buy some things at the market. To you, there was all the time in the world. There was no need to worry or hurry back. Life in your hometown was as quiet and blissful as always. You would come home to your mother making dinner, and you would probably watch a movie together afterward.

“Take your jacket!” your mother called out from the living room as you exited the door.

“I’ll be fine!” You replied, not even taking the time to hug her goodbye. As you mounted your bike, a small thought crossed your mind. _“I should probably make a habit of always hugging her goodbye, you never know these days.”_

Your mother had the intuition to know that you would need your coat later that evening, as it began to rain you could feel your stomach drop while you waited to check out at the grocery store. Something wasn’t right, and you didn’t know how to describe it.

On your way back home, you thought about putting on your mother’s parka, but you just thought _“I’ll be home soon anyway.”_

Turning the corner onto your street, the whole block was illuminated with the glaring red sirens. Sirens. Sirens meant something was wrong. Wrong… _“It’s probably old man Jose who lives next door, he could’ve had another heart attack…”_ But you were proved wrong as your neared and all the uproar was right the entrance of _your_ house.

Yellow tape with “ **Crime Scene Do Not Cross** ” strewn across the pathway leading to your front door, several police cars surrounding your house. There was only one other person who lived there but you, and she was nowhere to be seen.

You let the rain continue to fall on your shoulders, your hair, your bear arms as you took in the scene around you.

“I’m sorry but I’m afraid your mother’s been in an accident…” The sheriff declared, his hand grasping a pen on a notepad, ready to write down any information you had.

What didn’t make sense to you was, if she had been in a car accident, why were they treating your house as the crime scene? Little made sense in the wake of all the chaos, but all you did know was what to say to the concerned policewoman who had watched you sit quietly on the steps for hours.

“No…it’s hers…my mom’s…she’ll need it when she gets back…”

But she never did. She never came back. You were never given the answers you needed. You were never allowed to see her body, and her ashes were delivered quickly after her funeral. And you had no say in any of this because your father was still legally married to her, he made all the arrangements. You thought that maybe he would have the answers you were waiting for, but he would only sit in silence and wallow in his own grief.

Yet despite all this uncertainty, and the emptiness your heart felt at the thought of your beloved mother, you could only think of how cold she must have been that night.

* * *

“Y/N? Y/N?” The soft, soothing tone of Feitan’s familiar voice was enough to bring you back to reality, away from the cold desolate dream you had been drowning in.

“Are you…okay?” His mouth was turned in worry, he had never seen you experience a nightmare before. You shivered as you sat up and looked away.

“Yeah…I’m fine. I must’ve had too much on my mind before going to bed.” You attempted to bring yourself to smile, but it wasn’t enough to fool him.

“What’s wrong…why do you lie?” He was now frowning, a look that you often saw on his face. He also sat up, his pin-straight ebony hair that nearly reached his shoulders falling messily on his forehead. He wore a light grey Henley shirt, a color that contrasted his dark hair and pale complexion.

Despite having been abruptly woken from the dreadful gallows of your nightmares, you seemed to be in a trance, as if you were still dreaming. Your eyes did not linger from the window, the falling of the snow seemed almost rhythmic.

It pained him to see the woman he held so close to his heart in obvious trouble. There were many feelings that were still foreign to him, and the sting he felt at the thought of your torment was one of them. The reflection of the fire on the hearth in your eyes seemed endless, nearly infinite. Feitan knew all too well the way a person’s eyes flickered when filled with pain, and this familiarity troubled him as well. 

Knowing that his words often fell short of his true meaning and intention, the only way he could wholeheartedly convey what he did not yet know was empathy, was through his touch. You did not fail to make his heart beat faster as he took in the full splendor of your beauty; the way your hair flowed freely and loose, the fire that still burned in your eyes, the warmth of your skin.

His hand glided towards your shoulder as he slipped his own shirt you fondly wore off. His fingers paused at your bare collar bones, tracing circles against your back with his other hand. The softness your skin offered was enough to arouse him, the warmth he felt below his waist ignited him. He soon gripped both hands on your shoulders, bringing you closer to him. His lips met the tender skin of your back, planting soft kisses along your shoulders, spine, and nape.

The feeling that radiated from his lips throughout your body, electrifying you. You nearly shuddered from the excitement you felt as he drew you even closer, his left hand slipping in between your legs. Rubbing softly but firmly at the core of your body, you arched back on the bed, slipping a quiet moan from your moistened lips.

As you fell back, his palm pinned you from the middle of your chest. He cupped his hands on your breast, and he smiled wickedly when he felt your legs quiver underneath you. Feitan suddenly reached for the drawer in the nightstand beside the bed and raised his arm to reveal rope, coiled neatly.

He began to undo the oat color rope, and he firmly positioned your arms beneath you, crossed. He wrapped the rope around your breasts, under you, wrapping around your pinned arms to secure them tightly. As he pulled the rope underneath you, he looped it behind your neck and wrapped it under the ties on your breasts. The ties and curves of the rope were eloquently created, beautifully constructed by his expert hands.

The grip of the shibari rope was just enough to render you immobile, your hands could not move an inch. He lowered to place his tongue gently on your bosom, swirling around the curve of your nipple, sucking as he began to slide your pants off. Your pulse was easily felt as he paused on your thigh, and he squeezed you ever so slightly.

His tongue met the skin above your navel, pressing against your warmth.

“I…don’t stop…please.” You pleaded, yet he only pressed his finger against your lips to silence you.

He did not take long to make himself bare like you, the only thing between you was flesh. His finger ran across the slit of your entrance, rejoicing as he saw you squirm in desperation. With a quick grasp, he pulled you in, inches away from him. His finger slipped inside you, curling the tip enough to feel you shudder. As he pulled it back, he ran the moistened digit across his tongue, the ends of his mouth curling in a grin.

Before he devoured you, he took a second to appreciate the sight in front of him. You were stripped of everything but your own naked skin and the ropes that bound you. There was nothing in between you and him now, and the thought of you defenseless, bare, and at his mercy was enough for him to lose control.

He crouched in front of your groin, rubbing his hand against your opening and reveling in the fact that you were _so_ wet.

You felt a blush fall over you, not of embarrassment, but of sheer excitement for what was to come. As you turned your head to the side, you felt his hand clutch your jaw. He turned you to face him and he firmly said “No, you must watch.”

Feitan positioned himself on the outside of your core and he squeezed your thigh as he felt you squirm. In less than a second, he had slipped inside of you. You were so aroused that it made it so easy for him to do so. You let out a moan of satisfaction as he did, and he struggled to contain himself. You wanted to caress his face as he made love to you, but your hands were tied-literally.   
  
He continued to ram himself inside you, occasionally placing his fingers on the sides of your neck, squeezing whenever he felt like it, and feeling you gasp for air. He was once again, completely and utterly lost in you, in the essence of you. How much control you had over him, despite him being the dominating you at the moment. He looked up above you for a second, realizing that he had so much to lose in losing you. He had fought so hard to manage his emotions, to minimize the damage that could occur should you one day decide to walk away. Yet as you and he were deeply connected through that greatest act of carnal desire and love, he renounced every reservation he had to be complete with you.

The black-haired criminal began to suck the skin around your breasts, on your collarbones, and on your neck, marking where he had been. As he neared climax, he placed his right thumb right at the edge of your mouth, and his eyes lit up as he watched you twirl your tongue to suck on it.

“Perfect…you’re perfect” He smiled provocatively at you.

It was at this moment that the earth met heaven, where he could feel you gasping and moaning as your body shook in pleasure. He made sure you had finished before he did, and right as you did he pull himself out and placed it in your mouth. You proceeded to suck his member, and it did not take long for him to moan. You felt him pulsing and you swallowed his cum gladly.

As he untied you, he paused to run his fingers against the hickies he had left on your flesh. He was still in awe at the fact that you had so willingly accepted him, and even cared for him.

Feitan ran the backside of his pale hand against your cheek softly. He did not say anything, but you knew that it would be only right to tell him what the cause of your torment in your dreams had been.

You both laid down, facing each other. He continued to softly caress you, and you drew a sigh.

“My mother. There are many strange things away the day she died…these things still haunt me. I fear I will never get the answers I want.” You looked him straight in his grey eyes.

“Like what?” He whispered back.

Feitan felt an uneasy feeling in his stomach. He felt he knew what was coming. “ _My wife…I made the mistake of…she…”_ Your father’s words rang in his head. He knew that you were in the dark about what your father did, and that declaration from him meant that there was more to this story than you had been told.

“They taped off our house…when they said she died in a car accident. They never let me see her body and they cremated her body so quickly.”

Should he say what he suspected of your father? Could he be the reason why there would be a divide between you and your dad? He was defeated, Feitan was usually great at making decisions under pressure, but this time he was lost at what to do _“What is the right thing to do?”_

“Y/N…” He began, his voice alerting you.

“I fear…your father may know more than he says.” He declared.


	29. The Heart Never Lies

“What…what do you mean?” The words came out of your mouth almost immediately, giving your head no time to process everything.

It was as if you subconsciously knew what was to come as if you could predict the words that Feitan began to formulate. You felt a shiver overcome you, your heart began to beat faster as you waited.

Feitan was not one to often disclose any secrets or suspicions unless of course, it served to benefit the safety of the Troupe. It was an idea that was foreign to him, actually caring about something as minuscule as the hints your father had dropped. Should he say something? Would it be a betrayal to say what he had told him that day? Or would he be betraying _you_ if he stayed silent?

His gaze had been fixated on the details of the comforter on the bed. The wavy, almost swirly pattern of the thread and how carefully it captured the fabric to make it feel textured yet soft. He raised his sight and for a second his eyes met yours. You were quick to look away, anxious at what he would say.

“That day. The day…he came to see you. When you left…to pick up food.” He was struggling to articulate what he needed.

“He said…we were in the same ‘line of work’….and that I should keep you out of it…I think he tried to say your mom…” His voice faded. He was at a loss for words in this instance.

“My mom what?” you questioned, trying to stay patient with him as you knew he was not good with words, but your tone was faltering, almost losing it.

“I think he meant to say…your mom was a victim of something he…made a mistake with.” He finished. Feitan did not know what to do now. _“Should I comfort her? How do I even do that? Did I even do the right thing?”_

It was always difficult for Feitan to determine what was or wasn’t the “right” thing to do. He had long since buried his guilty conscience in the ground underneath Meteor City. It was something that was not easy for him to relearn, but he knew he had to try if it meant being with you.

You let the silence surrounded you comfort you, as you let yourself think about what he had just said. Many parts of you yearned to forget the pain that you were now reliving, and you often bottled any feelings related to your dad. Yet you knew that the suspicions that always existed surrounded your father and what he did bothered you in a way so deeply you could never successfully forget about it. You could never ask your mother about him, as she would always come up with some carefully crafted lie that you could see through. He was never around long enough for you to ask him yourself.

It had been almost a year since you last saw him when your mother died. You did not know and at this point didn’t care if your parents were still together. Your heart always ached at the thought that all they ever did was lie to you, no matter how much you knew they loved you.

“It’s something I always had a hunch about. What I find strange is how he was willing to tell you more than he’s ever told me. Maybe he thinks I’m too naïve, or maybe too emotionally unstable to handle it. Whatever it is, I need to find out.” You finally broke the silence, standing up as your paced in front of the black-haired man.

He only nodded, placing his elbows on his knees as he sat in front of you.

“There’s always something, everyone has something, a wound, pain that never truly leaves them.”

Feitan could see the pain and uncertainty in your eyes as you went on, and he thought _“I know Y/N, for me there are many wounds. Not that I would ever tell you everything.”_

“Parents shouldn’t lie to their children. You don’t deserve to be lied to.” He firmly stated, taking a deep breath as he examined your face.

And that was the moment that you finally understood what was so special about him. What made Feitan so different from everyone else in your life. He had never really lied to you; he had always been upfront and honest about who he was and what he did. He valued you enough as a person to know you deserved honesty no matter what. You had been lied to your entire life, from the moment you could remember. Your mother, your father, friends, family members. But he cared not to sugar-coat anything or hide the truth from you no matter how ugly it was.

Your eyes were wide with realization, and a feeling so raw and real it pained you. Your hands were shaking in front of you, only because you could feel everything so perfectly.

“Feitan.” Your words were soft, lingering.

“Thank you. I can’t seem to thank you enough. I’ve never been treated with the same respect and dignity as you have…I have never felt this way before, about anyone.”

Any other man would be smiling, smirking right now because he would know what would come next. Feitan was nothing like other members of the male gender, he was utterly clueless, but he still listened to your every word.

“I love you.” You said clearly and distinctly. It was not an accident, you had meant to say these words at this moment, and it was not a lie, for no truer words had ever been spoken before.

* * *

“I’m getting sick and tired calling this woman and her never picking up!” the familiar high-pitched voice that belonged to Hina was loud enough to scare her dog.

She continued to frantically tap the screen on her cell phone until she eventually grew tired. Giving up, she reached for her purse and headed out the door.

She scanned the streets to look for you, but your distinctive face was nowhere to be seen. It had been three days since she last heard from you, about an hour before you had reached the cabin you went to for the weekend. You had promised your friend you would meet her today at 11 am at the bridal shop to try on the dress she had picked out for you and to get any final alterations done on her wedding dress.

“You promised…if you’re not there I’ll behead you and that short grumpy gremlin of yours.” She mumbled under her breath as she turned the corner on the busy street that housed her destination.

As Hina sat in the armchair, sipping champagne while she waited for the lady to bring her the dress, the bell on the door rang as it swung open. Hina didn’t have enough time to swing her head around to scold you before you ran to her.

“I’m sorry, I know I’m late, but I have a good reason, I swear!” you pleaded, taking a seat next to her.

Your friend was close to having some very unfriendly words spill out of her, but she hastily shut her mouth. As she raised the flute of champagne, she used her other hand to wave at you, indicating she wanted you to speak.

“I see the alcohol and occasion has you high on superiority, but I’ll let it slide this time Hina.” You were obviously in a foul mood, and your friend was not one to let this detail evade her.

“I don’t even know where to begin. I’m still trying to process everything.”

It took every ounce of restraint in Hina’s body for her not to beat the words out of you. And she nearly let her curiosity get the better of her if you had not spoken at that moment.

“So you know how he took me out to the country this weekend?” you began, leaning back in the comfortable chair.

“Yes! I know that. Please tell me you’re okay at least if this is going to take forever!” Hina complained, nearly spilling the champagne in her hand.

“Well I’m okay, he didn’t hurt me. It’s just-it’s odd.”

“JUST SAY IT ALREADY!” your friend impatiently cried this time droplets of alcohol spilling on her blouse.

“Fine! You’re ridiculous! I told him I love him.” You spat, your attention diverting to the short blonde woman holding a long, beautiful off-white dress in one hand, and a lavender-colored silk one in the other.

“Wait, is this the maid of honor dress?” Hina asked the lady.

“Yes, ma’am all the bride’s maid’s dresses are this color.” She replied, refilling the champagne glasses on the table.

“No, this is all wrong, I asked for _periwinkle_ , not lavender.” She whined, yet she was careful to adjust her tone so she would not sound too rude.

“I’m sorry, I’ll make sure to correct this mistake. In the meantime, your maid of honor could still try this dress on. It’s the same style in both colors.” The shop attendant said as she handed you what seemed to be a purple dress.

The blonde lady motioned at the changing rooms and Hina begrudgingly followed. After you closed the beautiful white velvet curtains, you began to undress.

“Y/N, any person in a 5-mile radius can tell you love that fool. What matters is what he said.” Hina continued the conversation over the changing room.

You had a hard time zipping up the dress you were trying on, it was a little too snug.

“Hey, are you sure this is my size?” You asked your friend in the stall next to you.

“Yes, it’s your size I double-checked even. Get back to the point.”

 _“Strange. Well, I have been eating out a lot so it would make sense if I gained a few pounds.”_ Your mind wandered off before you returned to the conversation at hand.

“See, that’s the problem…”

“What?” your friend seemed annoyed at how long it was taking you to spill the beans.

“He didn’t say anything. Nothing, zip, nada. That’s not even the worst part.”

* * *

“You did what?!” Phinks stood leaning against the door, arms crossed but with an expression deep with worry.

Feitan grunted as a reply, watching his feet in front of him so he could avoid looking at his friend.

“You know, when I met you, I thought you were a little slow, but now I’m convinced you’re just a _fucking idiot_ ” The tall blonde man taunted, his eyes boring into the shorter, defeated man.

“Let me get this straight; a hot girl, who’s _crazy_ about you tells you she loves you, and instead of saying something in return, or maybe even kissing her or changing the subject, you say nothing and walk away?!” He continued, carefully watching Feitan stand motionless beside him.

“Yeah, you’ve really fucked up now,” Phinks added, punching his friend in the arm and walking away. In his experience, this was usually when their conversations ended, as there was no point in prying anything out of Feitan.

“You don’t…get it.” The words rolled off his tongue softly. Phinks stopped right in his tracks, surprised that he had even said anything.

“What? What don’t I get?” The blonde asked, turning around to face him.

“Idiot.” Feitan turned his head to the side, once again avoiding his friend’s gaze.

Phinks waited patiently for the ebony-haired man to say what he needed.

“No one has ever loved me.” This declaration dug into Phinks like the sharp knife of an adversary. It was cold, brutal, and as real as it got.

The distance between the two men suddenly felt infinite, as if they were standing in a room with a hundred strangers in between. Phinks was honestly at a loss for words, for the first time in a very long time. His black eyes fixated on the enormously troubled man in front of him.

“Listen man…I may not know a lot about anything, but I can tell you this: you can’t let the fear of something unknown and scary stop you from living an experience that can be life-changing, or incomparable. Of course, only you can know how you really feel but if you let her pass you by, it may be a choice you’ll come to regret for the rest of your life.”

Feitan finally brought himself to meet his friend’s gaze, letting him know he heard him.

“I have someone to be with right now, we can talk about it when I get back. Just don’t do anything stupid until then, if you can help it.”

His friend left a chilly breeze in his absence, and all Feitan could do was lose himself in thought. He could feel his body tense with mixed emotions, and it ached.

His mind was racing, the room around him completely silent besides his quiet breathing. The windows in the apartment were opened about two inches, just enough to let a cold gust of air in. Before he could get a chance to relax, his body took less than a second to turn around, facing a shadowy figure in the doorway.

“Leave” He growled, turning his back at his intruder. The air was growing colder, the tension around them was rising.

His unexpected guest stepped out of the darkness, revealing a head of pink hair.

“Oh silly me, I thought you would be happy to see me.” She deadpanned, rolling her eyes at him.

“I told you to leave.” Feitan was becoming more impatient, this time turning around to glare at her.

“You haven’t even asked me why I’m here.” She hissed, stepping forward, the light hitting her leg, long boots, and bare thighs. This time she was wearing a tight baby blue dress, the shortest thing she owned.

“I don’t care.” He spat, his eyes watching her every move. Her hair was down. She had curled it in a way that framed her fine face carefully. He couldn’t deny that she was pretty, and the look in her eyes was sultry and angry at the same time.

“I’m here on business.” She continued, walking closer to him as she talked. “You know I never noticed how your eyes change color. I always thought they were a hideous grey, but they can be almost purple depending on the mood.”

“What is this? You think you know me?”

“I do know you Feitan. We all know each other. How many years has it been since we spent our childhood in that dump? Don’t act like you don’t remember everything we went through.”

“I do. I just don’t care. Not anymore. That’s the past. We move forward.”

As she stood directly in front of him, they were nearly the same height, except for the two inches she had on him. The jacket she had on her began to slide off her shoulders, the light reflecting off her pale soft skin.

“So, you remember everything?” As she drew closer, he could smell the faint scent of liquor. He had never known her to be the type to take up vices to drown her sorrows, but he knew just how much her last tryst with the red-headed magician had left her in ruins. 

“You’re drunk. Get the hell out of here.” His voice was deeper, he was seconds away from losing his patience with her.

“No. I don’t take orders from you.”

She didn’t hesitate to slip the blue dress off and she revealed her thin, nearly naked body. His expression did not change, and he was growing angrier at her actions.

The room grew colder, and a familiar warm aura could be faintly felt. Feitan could not act quickly enough to prevent these events from unfolding

* * *

“This just doesn’t sit right with me. He could’ve at least said _something._ ” Hina angrily said as she grasped your hand.

“Yeah I know, it’s weird. Maybe he doesn’t love me back and he doesn’t know how to say it.”

You replied, picking up the pace.

“No, that’s not it. Something tells me there’s more to it. That’s why you’re going to confront him.” She swung her arm, bringing you forward and right in front of the entrance of Feitan’s apartment.

“Okay, for once I actually agree with you. This last day has been agonizing and I think it’s about time I ask him for closure. You’re gonna wait here?” You pointed.

“Sure will. I don’t need to spoon-feed you anymore, I’m proud of you. But if you need me to help you kick his ass if he disrespects you, I’ll be here.”

You gave your friend a grateful smile before you hurried up the steps, your chest beginning to pound with nervousness. As you approached the entrance of his doorstep, you could sense a distinct and unfamiliar presence. The door was slightly ajar, and all you had to do was push it open to let yourself in. You were about to call for him when the little light in the apartment illuminated the scene right in front of your eyes.

A beautiful woman with long pink hair nearly down to her tight waist. Her sleek figure nearly covered the man in front of her, but as much as you told yourself this was probably a guest of Phink’s, to your horror the person in front of her was none other than the man of your affections. 

You could feel your entire body flooding with the intense heat of embarrassment and disgust. The purse that was in your hand dropped on the floor, and this alerted the people in front of you. Your feet felt weak as if they could buckle under you at any moment but all you wanted was to get out of there fast.

“F/N!” Feitan shouted, pushing Machi out of his way.

“No! I-I can’t believe you!” You screamed, fighting so hard to push the tears back but you felt a pinch in your nose that could only mean you were losing the battle.

“This is all wrong! It is not what it seems!” He pleaded, his eyes wide with desperation.

“That’s not true.” Machi deviously chimed, fixing her ruffled hair.

“Oh, did he not tell you? We have history”

“Machi shut the fuck up or I kill you.” His eyes glowed with pure hatred.

“This is why…this is why you left when I told you…oh my god…I told you I loved you…I’m such an idiot.” The tears streamed down your face and you quickly turned to leave. Before you could Feitan grasped your wrist, bringing you close to him.

You felt a power overcome you, a sensation that was instinct more than anything else. His hand released you, but not due to his own choice.

“Just leave me alone.” You yelled, releasing his hand from yours.

* * *

Author's Note:

So many things I have to say. First of all, Thank you all so so so much for 8k hits. I seriously cannot thank you enough. This is my very first fanfiction and honestly to see how many people read and enjoy it is amazing. Thank you again!

Secondly, I am so sorry for taking so long to update. I had to take some time off because I was sick (non-Covid related) and I had to get situated in this new college semester. Sometimes life happens but now that I have more of a set schedule I will be able to update more often. Thank you for being understanding. 


	30. Whispers in the Night

art credits: est_42 on twitter

“What is this? Where…am I?” a voice echoed loudly throughout the empty walls.

The ground was cold and covered with a thick layer of dirt. It seemed to be an abandoned building with large square windows covered with fading layers of paint. Sunlight barely passed through the cracks, enough to illuminate the area faintly.

Feitan could feel someone next to him, breathing heavily. His hearing was nearly perfect, and he could instantaneously recognize who it was.

“Machi why you here?” He finally opened his eyes, and he was lying flat on the floor. The wind was beginning to pick up the dust around them.

Machi was no older than 10, her messy pink hair was just above her shoulders and her blue eyes wide with curiosity. She was never one to speak first, and this was no exception.

“Are you okay?” The black-haired 14-year-old wondered as he sat up.

“Yeah sorry, I brought you here because you passed out from running after Phinks in the hot sun for so long. It gets pretty cool in here.” She whispered, dropping her head as she spoke and letting her bangs drop over her eyes.

Feitan had never been here before much to his surprise as there were few places like this that he didn’t know. As he continued to look around him, marveling at the high ceiling and windows that surrounded them.

There were few moments where they had spent time alone like this, and it seemed to Feitan as if they were getting more frequent almost as if Machi would innocently craft ways to have to them run into each other like this.

“Thank you. We should go back.” He said while he stood up. Extending his arm to help Machi stand up, she sheepishly took his invitation.

As they began to walk away, Machi looked to her side and gave him the closest thing to a smile that she could give. He failed to notice her gesture but through his peripheral vision, he could tell she was staring at him. Feitan began to slowly increase the distance between them but never leaving her too far behind.

This was one of the earliest times he could remember Machi treating him distinctly from any of their friends. He didn’t think much of this, mostly because he had so much more to worry about. What he didn’t know was that Machi didn’t have a particular fondness for him because she had any romantic feelings for him, especially not as they grew older. She was this way because she had an overwhelming urge to control certain aspects and people in her life. She felt this urge because just like the other children they had no control of how hard and unfair their life was.

Out of all the boys in the group, Feitan was the one that intimated her the least. He was shy, quiet, and mostly kept to himself. She had known him for as long as she could remember and while they grew up together, they were never close enough to consider each other siblings. She grew somewhat attached to him because of his unpredictability and how indifferent he was to her, even though deep down he cared about all his friends.

As the years went on Feitan was careful to keep his distance as he observed Machi grew colder and more mysterious. When they left Meteor City, they rarely saw each other except when the entire group came together. But she never forgot that desire to know more about him, to possibly control him.

And Machi had grown more deranged as her drinking spiraled out of control after Hisoka broke her heart. She was stone-cold and precise when sober, a lethal killing machine, but when she was inebriated, it was as if an unrecognizable side of her took over.

* * *

The sunlight cutting through the curtains was becoming unbearable to him. His eyes were especially sensitive this morning, considering how long he had stayed up these last few nights. If it were up to him, he would prefer not to even wake up.

His entire body ached, from his ankles to the banging in his head. Whenever he dreamed of his childhood in Meteor City he normally woke up in a terrible mood, and every single feeling was amplified.

_“Please tell me it was just a nightmare”_

There are a few seconds after you wake up where it takes your mind to process everything that had happened up until now. Almost like for a split second you have a blank slate, a fleeting moment with no heartache. Feitan missed this second where he did not remember details of last night. As he turned to reach for the drawer in his nightstand, he paused to take a deep breath before he pulled out a picture of you.

He wished more than anything to have you there next to him. Now, this was a feeling he was all too familiar with. The panging in his chest, the knawing at his stomach. The way he felt like there was a physical void inside of him without you. Feitan was no stranger to heartache.

How could he ever convince you that what you had seen _was_ a misunderstanding, that he never touched Machi or even thought about falling into her trap? Soon after you ran away, he pushed her out the window, as she was. He thought about running after you, but he knew your annoying pest of a friend would cause a scene.

“Fucking Machi. You’ll never forgive her for what she did.” Phinks ran through his bedroom door as he ran his hair through a towel.

Feitan felt a shiver run through his body and all he could do was look up at his friend. He was more than angry, he was livid. He knew if he saw that pink-haired bitch again he would kill her on sight. Whatever attempt she had to overcome him had failed desperately, but she was successful in driving a wedge between you and him.

Yet more than anything all he could do is worry about you. He did not know if you had made it home safely, or how you were feeling that morning. Did you eat yet? His heart hurt more for you than it did for himself.

“You’ve changed man. Not in a bad way but I would’ve never known you to care about someone in that way.” His blonde friend said as he walked away.

He hated all of it. The way his emotions hit him like a truck once he woke up, how he wanting nothing more than to be there to comfort you, how all his calls went straight to voicemail and he had no idea what to make out of all of this.

It didn’t take long for him to make up his mind to go look for the answers that he so desperately needed, no matter what he’d have to do to get them.

Whenever he put his mind to something, he didn’t struggle to efficiently go through with it. He was focused now, calmer knowing he would at least be able to ease his worries about your wellbeing.

Feitan waited until it was darker out, about an hour after the sun had set. He knew his way to your place like the back of his hand. His mind easily memorized streets and directions, he had what would be considered a photographic memory.

That was what he did with all the time he spent quiet and behind the scenes. Analyzing everything, facial expressions, gestures, even the way targets walked. He could zone in and focus on one objective without shutting out his surroundings.

As he carefully made his way to his destination, he felt a strong resistance hold him back momentarily. He briefly thought about heading back home and leaving you be, perhaps even trying to forget the relationship you two had. Yet he immediately regretted this, for one real and strong he had ringing in his head was to see you again.

_“Selfish. I’m so fucking selfish. I know I could give her a better life by just leaving her alone but…I don’t know if I could ever stay away.”_ He thought as he began to walk faster.

He was careful to climb the fire escape that led to your bedroom window without making a noise as he knew the last thing he wanted to do was startle you after everything you had been through. Years of experience taught him to regulate his heartbeat whenever he was in particular situations, such as this.

The wind was blowing hard this afternoon, but this did not deter him. He continued to climb up the fire escape until he reached the platform right under your bedroom. He carefully slipped to the side of the wall where he could not be seen from anyone inside. He drew a very quiet breath, relieved that he made it without being detected.

Feitan had an exceptional sense of hearing, nearly supernatural. It was attributed to his extraordinary mastery of Nen, and it was enough for him to hear the conversation going on inside the room.

“…please Y/N, you have to calm down. It’s not good for you, all this crying. I know I always tell you to let a few tears out but if you keep this up you’re going to pass out.” A concerned voice called out. It was loud and high-pitched and he immediately identified it as Hina’s voice.

Your friend's pleads were being drowned by excessive wailing. _“Is she crying?! Why is she crying so much?”_ Feitan did not realize how easily his stoic expression broke when he heard your cries.

“Hina I can’t do this. I can’t do all of this. I don’t know what to do. I’m so lost” Your voice was clearly one of distress and desperation.

_“what the hell is going on?”_ The confusion on his face was obvious. He inched closer to the window, wanting to be in a better position to hear the conversation.

“Yes, you can. You can do anything you put your mind to. Whatever decision you make I’ll be here to support you regardless…” Hina’s voiced faded a bit at the end.

Rain began to fall from the sky, falling on the roof and eventually hitting the black-haired criminal. It was getting difficult for him to stay where he was, pressed against the now slippery brick wall of the building. At the moment he took to adjust himself, his foot slipped off the wet ledge and his phone that had been already sliding out of his pocket fell on the metal floor of the fire escape, making a slight banging noise. He breathed in quickly, knowing this would give him away.

“Did you hear something?” Hina asked alerted.

“Yeah, someone’s outside.” You said in between sniffles.

It took your friend a split-second rush to the window and see what or who was outside. He took no time reaching for the ledge above and swung himself over and up on the roof, away from anyone’s line of sight.

“No, nothing. Maybe it was a bird or something.” Your friend declared as she peeked through the window.

“That’s strange…I swore I felt something. It’s hard to hear or sense anything with this rain.” You shuddered, reaching for a blanket on the bed.

As he looked up at the sky, feeling the wind rush rain around him. It was beginning to grow darker and colder outside, but Feitan was not affected by this. He waited a few minutes before he climbed back down, ready to eavesdrop on your conversation again.

“…I need to tell him.”

“No! He cheated on you; do you think he deserves any of your sympathy?” Hina spat. It was obvious she was not on his side.

“It doesn’t matter. He deserves to know. I understand that I may be speaking from the heart a bit because I still love him, and even if he doesn’t feel the same…we’ve always been honest with each other about everything.”

“Except the fact that he was sleeping with that bitch.”

_“No! I didn’t even touch her! I’ve never looked at her that way, ever. I wish you could read my mind Y/N. I would never lie to you.”_

As much as he wanted you to defend him, to show doubt about the statement your friend had made, all that followed Hina’s nagging was silence.

He drew even closer to the window now that the rain had subsided. His body was pressed against the cold brick wall, and he was clinging to the rails of the fire escape. _“What is this thing I need to know?”_

“I’m going to tell him Hina. When the time is right, I’ll call him and tell him. He needs to know…he needs to know that I am pregnant.”

At this moment Feitan had been trying to use his foot to reach for his phone that had fallen previously. It was as if he was having a streak of bad luck because just when he heard this life-changing news, his phone began to vibrate. The floor began to amplify the noise and he knew he had to jump off.

He threw himself down into the alley behind your house after securing his cellphone. It was rare when he was not calm and composed but this time he was breaking all his rules. His body was shaking, his hair was still wet from the rain. He extended his hand and watched as it trembled. His mind was completely blank, not a single thought ran through it. He picked up his feet and began to run because he knew it wouldn’t be long before you saw him from your window.

Everything felt like a blur around him. He didn’t even know where he was going. His pulse was uncontrollable, and his face was red. He couldn’t formulate words that could describe how he was feeling. Shocked? Confused? Scared? How would a dangerous criminal like himself react to the news that he was going to be a father? Could he even have a family with the life he lived?

Sure he had joked about it with your dad, but he never seriously considered this option before.

_“You’ve really, really FUCKED it up now. I’m literal scum of the Earth, how am I supposed to have a child. I’ve already implicated her. She deserves better than anything I could ever give her.”_

Just as he could finally process his thoughts, a loud buzzing went off. His hand was vibrating, as he was still clutching his phone. He was so close to hurling it on the street, the thing was angering him. He turned the screen around and saw the only combination of letters he cared to see.

It was you. You were calling. His thumb fiddled with the button on the side of it, contemplating sending you to voicemail. Instead, he slid his finger across the screen and placed it against his ear. _“I’ve really got it coming now.”_

“Hello? Feitan?”

* * *

* * *

Author's Note:

Hope you enjoyed this week's chapter. I know I've already said it a million times before but seriously, thank you all SO much for the love and support. Every single comment, like, and interaction with this story has given me the motivation to continue and complete this when the time comes. "Undeniable" was once a thought in my head and it took me so long to put this out there, I wish I'd done it sooner. Please do not hesitate to ask me questions regarding the story. Here are some things I wanted to say:

-Undeniable still has a bit to go, we're not done yet!

-Sometimes if I take breaks I will always come back to this story. I will definitely try my hardest to adhere to this schedule (New chapters on Thursdays)

-I am considering a translation in Spanish (still thinking about it but it won't be too hard since I am fluent in it too)

-For my Attack on Titan fans, a Levi x Reader fanfic is in the works! I am also a HUGE Levi fan so this will be coming soon. 

Thank you again and see you very soon,

Olive 


	31. Let Him Keep You Safe

After nearly a week off of work, you finally returned to your normal routine of life, if that was even possible. It was only the second time since you began working there that you had not wanted to go. It was a strange feeling, like a switch that had suddenly been flipped. You had little motivation to do your job, almost all the passion you had for it was gone.

“Hey, don’t forget we have a meeting in the conference room in 10 minutes” one of your coworkers, who you could not for the life of you remember his name, reminded you and Hina as he passed through the hallway.

You nodded at him, indicating you had heard him. You turned around in your chair to face the stack of paperwork in front of you.

“You know, I actually like it way better here at the main office laboratory than where we first started at.” Hina hummed cheerfully as she typed away on the keyboard.

“What do you mean? It’s the same bullshit just nicer desks and facilities.” You muttered under your breath as you examined a document you were carefully examining.

“Ah! You’ve become SO grumpy lately…and such a killjoy! I’m just happy I finally got promoted too you jerk!” Your friend replied, sticking her tongue out playfully at you.

“Don’t try me!” you giggled while you lightly slapped Hina on her arm with the papers you had in your hand.

“Hey so do you want to go for some drinks after work?” your periwinkle-haired friend asked. You widened your eyes at her, raising your eyebrows as you waited for her to realize what you were inferring.

“OH! I’m sorry I forgot! Well, I can drink, and you can watch?” she continued.

“That hardly sounds like any fun. Besides I have plans afterward.” You sighed, twirling your hair in your finger, and signed the document with the other hand.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to be meeting up with the Grim Reaper Y/N…be careful.” She complained as her expression one of genuine concern.

You leaned back in your chair, placing the documents in a different pile. You untied your hair and ran your fingers through it slowly. This was an act that often calmed you whenever you felt your anxiety begin to rise.

_“Hello, Feitan?”_

_“Feitan?”_

_“Yes.” Feitan finally replied, his heart was still racing._

_“I-I can’t believe I’m calling you. I’m still so angry at you-“_

_“It was a misunderstanding pl-“_

_“No. I don’t want to talk about that right now. I need to talk to you. It’s not that I want to see you right now but there’s something I need to talk to you about. It’s important.”_

_“I’ll go see you right now.”_

_“No…I can’t right now. I can probably meet after work on Monday.”_

_“No! I go now!” Feitan growled._

_“I already said no. I’ll meet you on Monday at 6:30.” The line clicked, and you had hung up._

You could only wonder if maybe you had been too short with him, too cruel. Your mind wandered off as you feared the impending meeting with him later this evening.

“Hey let’s go it’s time for the meeting,” Hina said, snapping you out of your daydreaming.

“Oh yeah.”

You made your way to the conference room, watching the hallway for your colleagues to join you on your walk. It was starting to get slightly warmer this time of year, but the heater in the building was still blowing as hard as it was when it was snowing a few weeks earlier. The anxiety and unusual heat of the area were causing you to become slightly dizzy, your head was spinning.

As you sat down, you placed your hands on the smooth, cool table. A few minutes later Cheadle and another man you did not recognize walked in.

“I’m sure you’re all wondering why we have called a meeting so last minute. I assure you this is an important matter.” Cheadle declared as she motioned at the man next to her.

The man was tall with blonde hair and dark black beady eyes. He wore a brown striped suit and donned a creepy smile that didn’t sit right with you. Cheadle obviously looked uncomfortable next to him, yet the man continued to smile at all the people in the room, unconcerned with anything else.

“Hello everyone! For those of you that don’t already know who I am, my name is Pariston. I’m sure you all know that I am the Vice Chairman of the Hunter Association we are all a part of!” He exclaimed; his eerie smile did not leave his lips.

“He’s just here to oversee the briefing that I must give in this meeting, as this is the reason why it was called.” Cheadle followed Pariston’s short monologue.

“So erm-we have been instructed by the Association to inform you about a situation that is arising in the NGL. It is common knowledge that it is a region that is cut off from modern technology and thus information travels slowly…” Cheadle proclaimed.

“There are reports of non-human monsters, some people have speculated to be chimera-ants that are building a large nest in the heart of the NGL.” She continued, pushing her glasses up with her index finger as she spoke. When she paused she took a second to glance at Pariston.

“Chimera ants? Like the human-eating Chimera ants?!” one of your coworkers nervously asked.

“Yes, that’s correct. This is their main source of food-humans. This is why this is a problem. From what we know, the entire colony has risen from a single queen. She produces soldier ants through Phagogensis, and these ants bring her food in the form of humans. From what we’re hearing, entire villages in the NGL are being ravaged. “

“What?! How come we’re just now hearing about his?!” Hina stood up, banging her hands on the table.

“Ms. Shiroma, as I had explained the NGL’s policies about technology and relaying news are extremely stringent.”

“Any more interruptions? No? Alright I’ll continue. As of this moment, we are gathering more information about the Chimera Ants and the possible consequences of their uprising.”

“What are we doing to stop them?” you asked, arms crossed against your chest. The entire conversation you had been invested, ever since Pariston had introduced himself.

“I do not know what is being done. A small team may be currently in the NGL trying to subdue the situation, but any other details are classified.”

“I don’t understand. There are human-eating monsters out there that are killing all kinds of people. This could definitely grow out of hand. They’ll run out of “food” in that region soon enough and then what? We’ll get eaten too?” You were growing more upset, but the only thing giving that away was your tone of voice.

“We can’t risk sending the entire Hunter Association out there. There’s a lot more to this than we know.”

* * *

“It’s fucking bullshit. All of it.” You muttered to yourself, but you knew from the quiet footsteps approaching that your friend had heard you.

You were leaning against the wall of the lobby, arms crossed in anger and resignation. Every emotion you felt was magnified, possibly due to your condition.

“Do you still smoke? Could you give me a smoke Hina?” you asked, your eyes not leaving the floor below you.

“What? Are you crazy? You don’t smoke and you’re suddenly gonna start smoking now of all times? No, I’m not giving you a cigarette.” Your friend retorted.

It was hard to describe how you were feeling at this moment, but it was obvious you were at a loss at how to control your emotions. Your mind was heavy with guilt, sadness, and confusion.

“You need to calm down Y/N. I’ve never known you to be the type to be so rash, especially in front of our superiors.” Hina began to walk up to you, and as she placed her hand on your shoulder, she waited for you to look up and meet her gaze.

There was no reply from you, except for silence. You raised your line of sight momentarily, only to quickly look away just as soon as your eyes met Hina’s warm amber ones.

“I have to go. Thank you Hina” you said as you pushed the door open, taking a second to look back at your friend. The sun was beginning to set, and the glass doors allowed every ray of golden light to pass through. Your friend looked worried and all she could do was watch you walk away.

“Be careful…please” she whispered as you faded into the distance.

* * *

You paced impatiently in front of the front door of your apartment. It was 6:37, and Feitan was late. As you anxiously waited for him, you thought back to all the times you had agreed to see each other. There was never a time he was late, in fact, he was always early.

A gnawing sensation in your stomach was becoming more and more intense, you knew that something wasn’t right. This probably meant he wouldn’t show up at all. You reached for your phone on the low table and stared meaninglessly at the screen as you contemplated calling him.

“Dammit Feitan, where the hell are you?” You resented him even more than before. After everything you two had been through, the dreadful situation with Machi and he dares to stand you up?

“He’s not coming.”

You threw yourself on your couch, resigning yourself to that fact. Your body was especially tired on this day, and the burden you carried was too much to bear. It was becoming hard for you to keep your eyes open, and in no time at all, you began to slip into a deep sleep.

_“Perfect…you’re perfect”_

_“I would do anything for you.”_

***KNOCK KNOCK***

The sudden banging on your door abruptly woke you from your sleep. It was dark outside, and that meant you had probably been asleep for a few hours. You were still groggy, and it took a second for you to bring yourself to get off the couch.

***KNOCK KNOCK***

“I’m coming!”

You could not recognize the hooded person standing at the door through the peephole, they were too tall to be Feitan.

As you carefully began to unlock the door, you peeked through the small opening.

“Can I help you?”

“You probably don’t remember me. No, well odds are you don’t. Lurelin village. A couple of months ago. You came to collect a sample for the association.”

“Oh, you’re the doctor.”

“Let me in.” He grunted. You hesitated to do so but as he placed his hand through the door’s opening, he whispered “I don’t have much time, and it’s urgent.”

As he made his way through your front door he removed his hood, revealing his long greying hair. He was well in his 40’s and by the looks of it had not slept well recently.

“Don’t ask me how I found you.” His beady green eyes bore at you. He was a nervous and paranoid man, as he looked around at his surroundings to make sure there was no one there but you two.

“I’ll get right to the point. Those vials you were tasked to retrieve from me? Well, they weren’t viral samples, not at all. They were specimens found on the coast, washed up. I had predicted, accurately I must emphasize, that they were all parts belonging to a single Chimera ant, a queen perhaps. While I have not received a recent follow-up from the lab tied to the Hunter Association, I know from an inside connection that this an issue that is proliferating.”

It took a moment for you to process what the erratic doctor had told you. _“Is this all tied to the bad hunch I had surrounding all of this? Did Cheadle lie to me about the so-called ‘viral’ sample? It was about the Chimera ants all along, and the Association knew all about it?”_

“What does this have to do with me?” you replied, still dumbfounded at his confession.

“Don’t you work for those buffoons?! That’s why I came to you! To see if there was a way you could convince them to do something about it! This could be bad, REALLY bad. I’m afraid we might already be too late.”

“What about your friend? Can’t they do anything about it?”

“I don’t have friends! But they are not in a position to do anything about it, but maybe you could bring it up to someone who can.” He stuttered, waving his hands anxiously at you.

“Okay fine. I’ll see what I can do. What if they don’t listen to me and don’t do anything about it?”

“Then you should seriously consider who you’re working for brat. I’m leaving you with this bit of advice: The people we’ve been taught to trust aren’t always the ones we should trust. The world is much more fucked up than you know. Keep your eyes open, don’t let your guard down, ever!”

* * *

5:30. One more hour until Feitan had agreed to meet up with you. He sat on the edge of the couch, bouncing his leg nervously as he waited.

The front door swung open suddenly, and Phink's large shadow lurked.

“Oi!”

“What?”

The blonde man rushed to Feitan’s side, his face in a concerned look.

“We just got news that the Chain User is in town. He’s been tracking our movements, at least that’s what Shalnark told us. He said we need to be extra careful; any loose ends may mean bad news.”

“What?! Why do I care? I kill him anyway.” Feitan spat, shaking his head in disagreement.

“Feitan think for a second. He was strong enough to kill Uvogin, even if we don’t go into the details of whether or not you can handle him, who is the one person he would go after if you mess up? Think!”

“No! I wouldn’t…what…what do I do?”

_“I can’t put her in danger like this. Not until I find that rotten chain user and rip him limb from limb”_

“Lay low Fei. At least until we get him off our trail.”

_“But that means I won’t be able to see her today. I won’t be able to talk to her. I can’t even check up on her to make sure she’s okay. What have I fucking done? All I have done is bring her pain and misery, and now I could be putting her in danger?”_

Few emotions could compare to how Feitan was feeling at this moment. A pang of true, raw guilt. Selfless and real, his only concern was for you. His mind shifted briefly to the night you two spent together that weekend. As he divulged in his memory of you, his only desire was clear: _“I need to keep her safe, no matter the cost.”_

* * *

* * *

Author's Note: 

Sorry for posting a day in advance. I have exams this week and I was afraid that if I didn't get it out here now, it would take a while to do so otherwise. Enjoy!


	32. The Search For Answers

“Hello Y/N!”

“Hello! Please open the door!”

“It’s been **four** days. Your phone is off or dead and you haven’t shown up to work.”

“Open up! Please…I need to know you’re okay…”

Hina struggled to maintain a calm composure as she panicked at the entrance of your apartment. She began pulling the strands of her long lavender hair out of frustration and anxiety. She kept knocking on the door, each banging becoming louder, and the air of desperation lingered as she continued on.

“HEY! What the hell is going on with all this banging!” Your next-door neighbor, an older man shouted angrily from his door, which was slightly ajar.

“I’m sorry sir! I’m just worried about my friend. Have you seen her recently?” Hina pleaded, her arms flailing in the air as she waited for the old man to answer.

“Huh? Ms. L/N? No…I haven’t. It’s probably been five days since I last saw her. I don’t leave my place too often so the last time she was home could’ve been more recently.” He replied, scratching his balding head.

“Uh, thank you.”

“Just keep it down!” The door closed behind him, and Hina did not feel any better.

In fact, she felt worse, she was incredibly concerned now that she knew you hadn’t been seen coming or leaving home in the last few days.

“Dammit! Why didn’t I ever learn how to pick locks. I heard it uses a hairpin…maybe?”

She reached for her hair, pulling a black hairpin out of her hair. A loose strand fell from its place and she leaned over to shove it in the keyhole. She wiggled it for a few seconds but to no avail, she did not know how to get it to unlock.

“Why am I so useless? I should’ve paid attention to that YouTube video…” She let herself slide down to the floor. Her hands lightly slapped her forehead, and she curled up in frustration.

“I can’t even go up to random people and ask them if they know how to pick a lock, who do I even know that can- “She sprung her head up in realization, her eyes widened with a little hope.

“I KNOW! Oh…I don’t know how good of an idea it is to involve the devil himself but it’s better than nothing…”

* * *

* **KNOCK KNOCK***

In the past few days, Feitan had been wallowing in his own brand of desperation and complete sadness. He kept hoping for the moment when he would begin to feel a surge of numbness, the strength he needed to go about his life. Yet with each passing day, his emotions only intensified, burning a hole in his heart.

He was not the type of person to indulge in certain vices, but this time he had let the liquor get the best of him. He hated the feeling of losing control as he felt his body grow more inebriated. It was as if his iron-grip he had on his life was slipping from his grasp. It had been hours since he last downed multiple shots of tequila-his alcohol of choice. He was beginning to come to his senses as the knocking on his door intensified.

* **KNOCK KNOCK***

“Who the hell is it now?”

He knew from the faint aura it was not you. It was fairly familiar, but not too much. It was intense, like a flaming fire.

“What?” He glared through the crack of the barely opened door.

The door moved quicker than he had the time to react. His senses were dulled from his dreadful emotional state, so his reaction was slower than usual. The door slammed into his face, pushing him back and revealing a distressed woman at the entryway.

“Move! I need your help.” Hina screeched, motioning for Feitan to move further back to allow her to make her grand entrance.

“No.” He growled, rubbing the side of his cheek that had received most of the impact from the door.

“You don’t even know what it’s about. It’s _important.”_

“No. You are drama queen. Everything important to you.”

Hina swung her purse at Feitan, enraged at his audacity. He jumped back in time to miss her blow.

“You idiot! It’s about **her**.”

Feitan froze in place. His mind began to formulate all the possibilities that would lead to Hina being at his front door. All conclusions ended at one general assumption: _something was wrong._

“What is wrong?” He tried his hardest to conceal the concern in his tone.

“It’s Y/N. She hasn’t been to work in four days. She won’t return my calls, actually, they go straight to voicemail. I went to her place to try to find her, but no one answers the door and her neighbor said he hasn’t seen her in days either! I need to ask you to help break me in, I need to see what’s going on. I know you’ve done it a million times before.” She sighed; all the worry was finally beginning to get to her.

Feitan reached for his coat on the hanger and didn’t take a second to look at your friend. He immediately walked out the front door.

“Wait for me! I’m in heels!” Hina raced off to follow him.

* * *

“It looks like everything is where it should be…” Hina said as she looked under your sofa cushions.

“Her purse.” Feitan pointed at your bag, with a novel and your wallet protruding.

“Oh god…this is not good! She would never leave her wallet!!!!” Hina began to panic as she rummaged through your purse for any more clues.

She ran to your bedroom, slipping her heels off to make her mobility easier. She began to search on your desk, bed until she reached your nightstand and saw your phone glaring back at her. When she attempted to unlock it, your cellphone proved to be out of battery.

“FEITAN!” she wailed, throwing herself on your bed. “Her phone…she left her phone…something is **very** wrong” tears began to fall off her cheek, her eyes watering. Feitan quickly ran to the entrance of your room and understood the situation when he saw Hina holding your phone in her hand.

“It doesn’t make sense. She would never leave her phone and wallet behind. She’s not like that. Why would her door be locked?”

Feitan began to retrace his steps, focusing on the area around him. He concentrated on the bad hunch he had, and as he recognized the unmistakable smell, he nearly choked.

It was very faint, so small that Hina could not have detected it. But his years of experience had taught him exactly what this scent was, it was what linked most crimes together. **_Bloodlust._**

****

* * *

The myriad of scents and sounds that encompassed you slowly beginning to grow stronger, more vivid, more real. As you felt the numb sensation leave your legs and arms, you squirmed in an attempt to move, but it was to no avail. You could see nothing, your arms were tied behind your back, your legs tied at the ankles and right above your knees. You tried your hardest not to panic, but your stomach dropped, your heart beating faster than ever.

You focused on what you could hear around you. A dripping sound…echoes. The distant howling of the wind. Based on the amount of time it took water to fall into a puddle a few feet away from you, you concluded that wherever you were had a high ceiling, it was mostly empty and cold.

Your mouth was also covered, and you couldn’t speak, move or see. As your body began to awaken, you felt it ache, but you struggled to remember why you were here.

_“Where the hell am I? How did I even get here?”_ As your thoughts echoed like the rain in your surroundings, it began to ring in your head. Your mind was spinning, and the adrenaline rushing through your body had been hiding how badly your head hurt.

The cold and unforgiving feeling of chains against your skin confirmed that whoever brought you here wanted you to stay confined and vulnerable. You attempted to focus your Nen to loosen the chains, but it didn’t work.

_“Don’t panic. Don’t panic. I have to find a way out of here.”_ You tried to reassure yourself, but you could feel your limbs trembling.

Loneliness…cold…it was **so** cold. Where was the person who brought you here? Why couldn’t you sense anyone or anything?

**Oh.**

**I can feel something**

**It’s strong…the aura is strong…it’s intense…it’s**

**An overbearing sensation of revenge.**

The footsteps approaching you were soft yet quick. You braced yourself for what was coming. The cloth covering your mouth was removed roughly and you could briefly feel warm fingers grasping your chin.

“Who are you?” you asked the darkness; you still couldn’t see a thing.

“I don’t expect you to know who I am. But I know who you are.” It was a young man’s voice. He spoke elegantly, but directly.

“Why am I here?” you growled as you leaned forward.

“You should always be careful who you associate yourself with.” He replied, dodging your question.

_That voice…I’ve heard it before…maybe just once but I never forget a voice…or a face._

“Why?” was all you asked.

“There are a few questions that I could not answer without asking you myself.” He kneeled in front of you and pulled the bandage off your eyes. It was dark so it didn’t take much for your eyesight to adjust. The man in front of you was fair, though not as pale as Feitan. He had medium-length golden blonde hair and large wide grey eyes.

“The library. I ran into you that one day at the library. You scolded me.” You glanced up at him, being careful not to let him see how frightened you were.

As you raised your line of sight to meet his, you stared intensely into his eyes. There was something odd about them, but you could not put your finger on it.

“I should probably get right to it. I spent some time deciding what to do with you, and the decision lies primarily on one principle; **did you or did you not know what _he_ did?**”

You tried to bring yourself to look into his eyes but instead you were focused on his hands, and the chains hanging from his fingers.

_**”This can’t be good”** _

* * *

Author's Note:

I apologize for the late update. Unfortunately, I live in Texas and was affected by the disaster going on right now. Thankfully, we are safe and doing better now. 

Enjoy!


	33. The Confessions of a Lost Man

“Did you or did you not know what _he_ did?” His words rang through the cold and unforgiving walls of the prison that surrounded you. You could feel your body tensing up, your breaths growing more uneven with fear.

_“ **Don’t** let him see that you’re afraid.”_ You lifted your head, and as much as the fear running through your body and nearly paralyzing you, you glared at the man brooding above you.

“ _What_ are you talking about?” you sneered at him, and you did not take your eyes off of him for a second. You could see that as much as he tried his hardest to keep his composure, your reply enraged him. His eyes, an odd grey hue glimmered slightly as if they were almost brown, no maybe a different color you couldn’t put your finger on.

He quickly lunged towards you, the space between you becoming nonexistent almost instantly. You almost didn’t have time to flinch, as he wrapped his fingers around your neck. His eyes began to burn with a rage so intense and dangerously dark.

“Don’t you dare play coy with me.” He growled, squeezing his hand around your neck.

This was not the familiar grasp you were used to. Feitan was always gentle with you when he carefully choked you whenever he was with you. Somehow as you were sitting there, arms tied behind your back and completely defenseless and without any of your Nen to help get you out of this situation.

“I was hoping I wouldn’t have to resort to this.” The blonde man pulled back as he suddenly snapped out of his fit of anger and took a deep breath before taking a few steps back.

He was slender, above average in height, and with a face that had very delicate and defining features. His eyes were large and cat-shaped. If this hadn’t been the situation that had led to you two meeting, you might have considered him to be good-looking.

But this was not the ideal situation. Your intuition told you that you were in some serious danger, and given the circumstances, you were at a disadvantage.

“What do you want?” you glared, your eyes following his every movement.

He suddenly became enveloped with a surge of aura, and as he raised his index finger. You did not need to use gyo to see the chains that dangled from his hand and the sight of this nearly made you gasp.

“You…you’re the **Chain-user**!” you struggled to finish the sentence. You could feel your heart racing and your blood pulsing so loudly it pounded in your ears.

Ignoring your declaration, he blinked slowly and took a few steps forward. “The reason why your Nen is rendered unusable is that I used an ability of mine to “borrow” it. I had reasoned you would be difficult to extract information from, so I took precautionary measures.” He spoke eloquently; you could tell he was brilliant.

“It seems to me that you’ve brought me here to live out your fantasy of some deranged monologue. You also seem to keep forgetting the part where this involves me.”

“Where is he?” He growled.

“Is this why I am here. You want to know where **he** is?” you taunted him, smiling at him knowing you were provoking him.

You spat at the floor, your hair becoming loose in the struggle. “If you think you brought me here to extort information about them, you’re dead wrong. I know nothing.”

“Nothing huh?” He began to pace around you in a circle, his eyes digging into you like you were made of glass.

“I know your involvement with the short brooding one with black hair. I know that you are in a…let’s say a romantic situation with that one. You know enough to tell me where he can be found. So, before I decide to use your own ability against you, did you know what he has done?”

The air of silence around you was stifling, you could feel the tension rising.

“Yes. I did.” Your head was lowered as you could not bear to look the man in the eye. You concentrated on the concrete floor below you. 

“I have no tolerance for anyone who sympathizes with the spiders. Even if you are a woman.” He slapped you across the face, and the look in his eyes had returned.

The man suddenly placed his hand on your shoulder and as you looked up, his eyes reflected a feeling of contempt, but also sadness. With one touch and intent, he was able to use your stolen hatsu against you.

You could feel your body changing instantly. Your eyes began to water, and you could do nothing to stop this. _“Is this how it’s supposed to feel…this feels like getting ran over by a truck of emotions.”_

“Where is he? If you cooperate, I’ll let you live. I might even give you your Hatsu back.”

“You don’t understand…you don’t understand what he means to me.” The tears streamed down your cheeks, dripping down to your chin and wetting the dry concrete underneath.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen. Do you think I wanted to fall in love with a murderer? I didn’t ask for this, any of this. But I love him regardless. I don’t expect you to ever understand what that feels like.” The emotions brewing inside you were so intense and vivid you could feel yourself gasping for air. _“Is this how powerful my ability can be? This is the first time I have ever felt it. I was never able to use it on myself.”_

“When I saw you at the library, I can’t deny that you caught my attention.” He began to raise his voice, trying to let himself be heard over your excessive wailing. “I didn’t know what it was precisely, these are elusive feelings I can never fully comprehend. However, as I watched you from a safe distance, I could feel a dreadfully recognizable aura approaching you. It was **him.** The man they call **Feitan**. I trailed you after that encounter and came to realize that you were willingly associating yourself with him. You were easy to follow, easy to dig information on. Him? Not so much. I knew the only way through him was through you.”

Through the tears and the banging in your heart, you began to grow dizzy.

**_“That is why…I pushed you away. A man like me…could never have a normal relationship. They will always…be after me…so they will always be after you too.”_ **

****

Feitan’s soft words echoed through your mind as you felt your emotions were about to swallow you up. _“It all makes sense now. He could never live normally with me. He tried so hard to push me away because he knew something like this could happen.”_

“What did he do to you?” you managed to assemble these words through your tears.

“He and the rest of his group of criminals murdered my entire clan. He was responsible for my mother’s murder in particular.”

You knew instantly how painful these words were for him to speak. Despite you being chained up with no way to defend yourself, you found that you felt sorry for the man standing in front of you.

“I’m…” You began but you were quickly cut off.

“How could you? How could you be with that MONSTER?! Don’t you understand that he and his gang were responsible for ending the lives of so many innocent people?” He was beginning to lose control, and his hands were now gripping your shoulders, his eyes tearing into yours.

“It seems you and I will never be able to understand each other.” You replied as honestly as you could.

“Then I hope you’ll be able to understand why I have to do this. It’s the only way I can make him feel what I did that day.”

He was oddly graceful with his actions and mannerisms. Kurapika knew that he couldn’t kill you with his chains unless he wanted this to end with his life too. Yet he could easily kill you in any normal way possible. His sorrow and rage were enough to make him blind with bloodlust. It was so easy. He had spent **years** tracking and researching every drop of information on the Phantom Troupe but he always reached dead ends. There were no loose ends, no connections that he could take advantage of.

Until you came into Feitan’s life. You were the loose end he was looking for, the one string he could pull that could begin to unravel the Spider’s web.

“I offered your life for information on him, I’m giving you one last chance.” His voice was hollow and monotonous.

“No chance in hell. Just kill me.”

As he prepared to end your life with the blade of a knife pressed against your throat, you could feel your sentiments overcoming you. The concrete floor was suddenly filled with the drops from your tears.

“I just think you should know. I probably deserve this. I knew who he was. But there is someone involved in this that is completely innocent.”

Kurapika looked at you in confusion. Was this a distraction? A last-ditch effort to save your own life?

“I’m pregnant. While he may be capable of ending an innocent life, I don’t think you are.”

The blonde man turned his back to you for all of three minutes. To you, they felt like the longest three minutes of your life. He made no sounds or movements. Your confession had definitely caught him by surprise, and all his planning and calculation could not account for this one small detail.

The only thing that followed his few minutes of despair was the sound of the knife hitting the floor. He walked away slowly, not taking a second to look back at you. You were still tied up, but as his sight faded in the background, the chains began to dwindle away until they were gone.

“They were made of nen” you thought out loud. 

“Y/N” Your voice sounded so sweet in the mouth of the one person you were yearning to see, and you could not turn around quickly enough.

Feitan had a look on his face that you had never seen before. Worry, desperation, and now relief. He quickly embraced you in his arms, his breathing faltering as he tried his hardest not to seem too upset.

“Four days. That’s how long idiot friend said you were gone. I could have found you…first day if I was not stupid.” He began to caress your hair and brought your head to lean on his chest.

“No Feitan, this was all on me.”

“Who did this to you? Was it the chain user?” The fear in his eyes began to grow as he watched you nod in response.

“Are you okay?” he began to inspect your hands, wrists, face, and so on.

“For the most part, yes but there is something I need to tell you.”

“I know Y/N.” he deadpanned, still making sure you were unharmed.

“You know what?” you questioned him.

“Baby.” He pointed at your abdomen, using his other hand to place his hand over it.

“I don’t even want to ask how you already know but there’s something else besides that.” You felt oddly numb, like the emotions that were supposed to be there were absent.

“What?” He growled.

“He took my ability. He was about to kill me as revenge for what you did to his clan but after I told him that I was pregnant, he just left. There’s a point on my finger that has a prick, and he mentioned using an ability of his to steal mine. I figure that he used that somehow and do this and render me useless.” You lifted your index finger at him, allowing Feitan to examine it.

“Smart. Always so smart.” He nodded in admiration.

Feitan held you once again, this time in a stronger embrace than before. “You were wrong.” He began, stroking your hair.

“You are always so wrong. Jump to conclusions. Because I do love you Y/N. I love you more…than you could ever understand.”


End file.
